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Black Law Students / Re: The Black Women's Thread
« on: September 05, 2007, 08:52:55 PM »
as to the bolded, I suppose they are all triflin?


Wait, aren't we talking about one woman with a yen for frequent flyer miles and calling her triflin'?

Talking about one person isn't necessarily suddenly making some grand statement about everybody.  To my mind, rather than generally saying all folks with income reqs are triflin' or let's just give everyone the benefit of the doubt, perhaps even more than is warranted, it seems more helpful (and less fraught with misunderstandings on both sides) to focus on the case at hand. 

Like this woman.

And her trip to the isles. :D

nope because I specifically asked if a salary requirement generally should be treated as more "triflin" as a BA requirement.  And many chimed in with yes blah blah blah which is how this convo ballooned into this.  Nor do I think we can easily disaggregate the convo.  I think we all can agree the statements she said about men were misguided. 

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Black Law Students / Re: The Black Women's Thread
« on: September 05, 2007, 08:25:49 PM »
indeed so why shouldn't she.  she didn't say she doesn't want it--she just doesn't believe in it.  there are plenty of people who think they won't find true love and may have to settle for stability--on a distant, but somewhat related point, half the people in the world marry relative strangers.  are they all triflin?

as to the bolded, I suppose they are all triflin?

supporting a household as husband and wife is a responsibility of a marriage..why wouldn't i expect that? however the greatest thing is love.... home girl doesn't want that...

i know quite a few people that say all men cheat yet their parents have been together for 30 or so yrs.. their siblings are in loving relationships.. or their friends are in loving relationships..that doesn't stop them from saying all men cheat just because one or two have hurt them..


She said ALL men cheat.  This doesn't strike me as someone who has had loving relationships around her.  If she said--You know what some men are dogs so Imma find one of the good ones and dog them first, I'd see where you were coming from.  From what I read it just seemed like she was venting and has been through some serious ish. 

as to the bolded, you've said you wanted someone who would support the household financially.  she isn't sitting on her ass waiting for Prince Save-A-Negro.  She is working and going to school and generally planning on making her own way.  She's jaded on love--thats sad.



homegirl could have also been in 1 relationship with the man who cheated on her.. she could also have supportive loving couple relationships around her.. her parents could be together and faithful..


we can both throw out hypos OSA.. but the bottom line is the girl is looking for someone to support her financially.. she's not looking for love admittedly..

and that's where her situation differs greatly from requirements that the rest of us have...

i didn't condemn ole girl to hell.. i said she's a clucker.. and if it's better to call it cluckish behavior for the sake of being pc and non bougie or bourgie as monica calls it.. then i'll say

she was acting cluckish that day..bless her heart.. she's a woman scorned.. it'll get better..



I clearly included myself in that mix, but I've come to see it isn't right.  I can admit my mistakes.  What that screams to me is a woman who has been around a lot of men who cheat--she has seen relationships broken and desecrated and has no sense of what a good man is other than the outward trappings of wealth.  This is sad.  But condemning her too quickly is like blaming a rape victim for not trusting men.  I think it is fairly obvious that there needs to be some healing there.

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Black Law Students / Re: The Black Women's Thread
« on: September 05, 2007, 08:04:47 PM »
She said ALL men cheat.  This doesn't strike me as someone who has had loving relationships around her.  If she said--You know what some men are dogs so Imma find one of the good ones and dog them first, I'd see where you were coming from.  From what I read it just seemed like she was venting and has been through some serious ish.  

as to the bolded, you've said you wanted someone who would support the household financially.  she isn't sitting on her ass waiting for Prince Save-A-Negro.  She is working and going to school and generally planning on making her own way.  She's jaded on love--thats sad.



homegirl could have also been in 1 relationship with the man who cheated on her.. she could also have supportive loving couple relationships around her.. her parents could be together and faithful..


we can both throw out hypos OSA.. but the bottom line is the girl is looking for someone to support her financially.. she's not looking for love admittedly..

and that's where her situation differs greatly from requirements that the rest of us have...

i didn't condemn ole girl to hell.. i said she's a clucker.. and if it's better to call it cluckish behavior for the sake of being pc and non bougie or bourgie as monica calls it.. then i'll say

she was acting cluckish that day..bless her heart.. she's a woman scorned.. it'll get better..



I clearly included myself in that mix, but I've come to see it isn't right.  I can admit my mistakes.  What that screams to me is a woman who has been around a lot of men who cheat--she has seen relationships broken and desecrated and has no sense of what a good man is other than the outward trappings of wealth.  This is sad.  But condemning her too quickly is like blaming a rape victim for not trusting men.  I think it is fairly obvious that there needs to be some healing there.

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Black Law Students / Re: The Black Women's Thread
« on: September 05, 2007, 07:55:06 PM »
Like I said before it is crap like this that keeps us from moving forward as black people. That chickenhead is trifflin...and we continue to excuse the behave for whateva reasons we can pull out of our ass at the moment. Whats that line for HP fear of a name only increases the fear..she is a chickenhead...cluck..cluck

man I love that line more than most, but come on, you mean to tell me this nukkas warped views on relationships is why we can't get ahead?  give me a break.

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Black Law Students / Re: The Black Women's Thread
« on: September 05, 2007, 07:48:58 PM »
ok do you really think this is the 1st woman that we've heard of with that view?? or the first woman we've encountered? hell the woman said herself that she wasn't looking for love and all men cheat... so she's looking for what's in the man's wallet.. and that's the bottom line..

and i remember a time when you were one of the 1st people to "call out" trifling behavior.. in fact you were an advocate of it.. however now you've developed compassion and a gracious soul for this poor poor hurt woman..


Frankly, folks seem awfully eager to give random girl the benefit of their doubt*, but not a number of people whom y'all know at least somewhat better.

yes by and large these are the same folks who are always quick to call someone triflin and cluck cluckers and suggest they should work the poles based off of fleeting interactions/stories recounted by blsd men.  I just think we're too quick to cast stones and I include myself in that mix.     

I clearly included myself in that mix, but I've come to see it isn't right.  I can admit my mistakes.  What that screams to me is a woman who has been around a lot of men who cheat--she has seen relationships broken and desecrated and has no sense of what a good man is other than the outward trappings of wealth.  This is sad.  But condemning her too quickly is like blaming a rape victim for not trusting men.  I think it is fairly obvious that there needs to be some healing there.

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Black Law Students / Re: The Black Women's Thread
« on: September 05, 2007, 07:41:59 PM »
Why is this all such a big deal anyway?  People artificially restrict their mating pool in all sorts of ways.  I personally think education is a better criterion than income (and, contrary to tina, I believe that the two are distinct), but whatever floats your boat.

it is a big deal insofar as people made all sorts of degrading comments as to how one particular woman expressed her restrictions.  As I said, people should feel free to have the most banal requirement imaginable--just don't turn around to the second most banal and say "hoe go work the poles."

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Black Law Students / Re: The Black Women's Thread
« on: September 05, 2007, 07:33:57 PM »

Frankly, folks seem awfully eager to give random girl the benefit of their doubt*, but not a number of people whom y'all know at least somewhat better.

yes by and large these are the same folks who are always quick to call someone triflin and cluck cluckers and suggest they should work the poles based off of fleeting interactions/stories recounted by blsd men.  I just think we're too quick to cast stones and I include myself in that mix.    

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Black Law Students / Re: The Black Women's Thread
« on: September 05, 2007, 06:23:45 PM »
She is working on her degree and is in the navy (one of my friends is a naval officer--they get a housing and living allowance of well over 30k all of which is untaxed which is the functional equivalent of 40k).

My general belief is we should not be so quickly to judge people based on a snippet of one interaction.  I think that comes through pretty clearly with me being loathe to join in calling someone a bird or clucker because they express preferences that are not cloaked in the euphemisms we've all been taught well.  If you must know, I have neither the BA nor a salary "requirement" though I, of course, have preferences.  Would I refuse to date the BA-less Black Bill Gates?  Doubtful.  Would I refuse to date a public school teacher in NOLA making $35,000?  Also doubtful.  That doesn't mean I value education less, am unconcerned about being unequally yoked, care not a whit about having stable family finances, that I am settling, am naive or any of the other things being bandied about just because I may have less lines drawn in the sand.  I don't have a problem with people being picky.  I know I am.  And goodness knows at the end of the day I certainly am not going to be the one living with you and your prospective honey bunches of oats.   I just think we should not be so quickly to judge someone ESPECIALLY when their requirement is pretty similar in scope to our own.

i want a man who makes over 40k because he's going to cheat anyway so let me get a trip with my girls out of it...however i don't have my degree nor do i make over 40k. .and under no circumstances am i going to support a man who has goals and the desire to make over 40k at some point..
isn't the same as saying

i have a degree.. and i want my mate to have a  degree as well.. jsia

um it isn't a matter of refraining from the conversation.. it just blows me that you almost always speak in hypotheticals.. and use your intellectual acumen.. instead of taking it down a notch and having general conversation regarding these sort of topics...instead of offering what you'd do.. or your beliefs it's almost as if you hide behind the actual "debate"...

I actually disagree.  For the reason TinaTina stated and I reiterate my contention was and is that a BA requirement is no better or worse than a salary requirement.  For all you know I have both; maybe I have neither.  It doesn't mean I can't say something when I feel like a position is being unfairly maligned.  I apologize for confusing Miss Celie Blue and Lady KDs' statements with yours.  They kicked off the "triflin" discussion. 

eta: should I refrain from discussions about welfare since I haven't been on it nor do I intend to go on it?
 
actually you kicked off the "triflin" statement..i wasn't even on the board @ the time this discussion began  http://www.lawschooldiscussion.org/prelaw/index.php/topic,25711.5295.html

i'm not being intellectually dishonest..i've already stated some of my reasoning...at the end of the day it isn't going to change anything regarding either party's view...however i feel that by choosing to argue for a point..when you probably feel otherwise is quite interesting..

this isn't law school.. it's the black women's thread..we're talking moreso about our views than some arbitrary "intellectual arguments" regarding how we live our lives and choose our mates... and to me it isn't logical to even "argue" this matter without being truthful about what it is that you desire or expect in another...





you said she was triflin' and I questioned whether that was any different than people making the assertion that they required a BA.  Now you can justify your rationale all you want, but I have yet to see anything that explains why a salary requirement and a BA requirement are different.  I don't think it is "moderating" to ask that you be intellectually honest.

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Black Law Students / Re: The Black Women's Thread
« on: September 05, 2007, 05:30:41 PM »
I actually disagree.  For the reason TinaTina stated and I reiterate my contention was and is that a BA requirement is no better or worse than a salary requirement.  For all you know I have both; maybe I have neither.  It doesn't mean I can't say something when I feel like a position is being unfairly maligned.  I apologize for confusing Miss Celie Blue and Lady KDs' statements with yours.  They kicked off the "triflin" discussion.  

eta: should I refrain from discussions about welfare since I haven't been on it nor do I intend to go on it?
 
actually you kicked off the "triflin" statement..i wasn't even on the board @ the time this discussion began  http://www.lawschooldiscussion.org/prelaw/index.php/topic,25711.5295.html

i'm not being intellectually dishonest..i've already stated some of my reasoning...at the end of the day it isn't going to change anything regarding either party's view...however i feel that by choosing to argue for a point..when you probably feel otherwise is quite interesting..

this isn't law school.. it's the black women's thread..we're talking moreso about our views than some arbitrary "intellectual arguments" regarding how we live our lives and choose our mates... and to me it isn't logical to even "argue" this matter without being truthful about what it is that you desire or expect in another...





you said she was triflin' and I questioned whether that was any different than people making the assertion that they required a BA.  Now you can justify your rationale all you want, but I have yet to see anything that explains why a salary requirement and a BA requirement are different.  I don't think it is "moderating" to ask that you be intellectually honest.

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Black Law Students / Re: The Black Women's Thread
« on: September 05, 2007, 04:34:26 PM »
it's the question as it's a question that i've raised..there's no moderation here..there's no.. oh you can't point the discussion in that direction.. if that's the case then all of this ish is irrelevant because this conversation came up again because of a post that Sands made.. he never asked anything regarding BAs or whatever..he asked what the black women on this board thought about home girl and her statements...hell he didn't even say they were "trifling"...

since we're raising hands here.. how many have actually been in relationships? how many have seriously thought about marriage? how many have a plan of what they desire their family to be? are you comfortable with the decisions that you've made thus far regarding what it is that you desire and expect out of a mate?

and women...let's cut the bull...everyone on here is either in law school..or out of law school... or going to law school.. i'm not talking about cut buddies.. or random ass dates..i'm talking about marriage.. and you best believe that if your starting salary is 160k or more... you're a damn lie if you say that  you're cool with your future husband not being degreed (or having a trade career since we need to be so darned specific for arguments sake regarding financial responsibility ::) ).. it's bull... and the reality is this no matter how pc some of you are trying to be on here... (wait don't some of you require credit reports :D? ) though finances may not be an issue immediately in a marriage.. trust at one point or another if you're grossing quadruple what your husband is... at some point and time it will come up...whether you intentionally make it an issue or not

but that wasn't even the issue to me.. and i've said that countless times... while i do not want to be carrying the majority of the financial burden in my marriage.. it is important to me for my husband to have a degree or two.. if i went to school why can't he? i mean seriously.. why is it wrong to desire someone with a degree when you have a degree?

thats not the question.  the question is whether making such distinctions is any more or less "triflin'" than someone saying 40k is their cut off line.  As Tina so eloquently stated they both ultimately implicate the same motive/s.

you said she was triflin' and I questioned whether that was any different than people making the assertion that they required a BA.  Now you can justify your rationale all you want, but I have yet to see anything that explains why a salary requirement and a BA requirement are different.  I don't think it is "moderating" to ask that you be intellectually honest.

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