Married life and law school

[itsalawworldafterall]

wow, congrats to all the newlyweds and soon-to-be newlyweds!

ive been married for almost a year and a half, the husband is in his first yr of med school and being that he is a baby, and i am anal when it comes to being clean and organized, all the house responsbilities fell on me.  which was fine this year, when i was working PT and doing LS apps.

next year i will be a 1L, he will be in 2nd year med school...i feel like i will have to hire someone to cook clean and do the laundry and dishes! i cannot imagine doing all that plus law school right now.


i was tryin to convince my husband that this year would be a good time to have a baby, but now im really reconsidering that statement.

Have you (or anyone else on the board) known someone who has had a baby during law school?  How's that work out?  Is it horrible, especially with the stress and money issues of being a student?

My husband and I have been married for almost a year, but were high school sweethearts (10 years total) so it's like we have been together forever .  We just lost our son after 8.5 months of being pregnant and are trying to think of the besttime to try again for another baby.  I would have just had my son for a few months when school starts so we made plans for flex scheduling, child care, etc. and we thought everything would have been fine.

I think, like everyone else has said, if you want it to work - you will make it work.  Just support each other and things should be fine.

[Alecto]

So sorry to hear about your baby!  That must have been very difficult.  My husband and I are hoping to start trying late this summer, which would mean the baby would be born around late May or so.  Of course, I know that planning doesn't always work in this area!  I think 1L summer would be a good time to have a baby, so that you could work during 2L summer.

[itsalawworldafterall]

It's OK.  We have lots of pictures of him, so whenever I get a little sad I look at his beautiful face.

I think my husband and I decided to wait until right before my 2L summer, but now I can't remember why

[sofia455]

i was tryin to convince my husband that this year would be a good time to have a baby, but now im really reconsidering that statement.

As someone who will have had two children while an undergraduate (my first during midterms my freshman year, my second this semester before midterms in my sophomore year), I cannot imagine having children during law school. I find it hard enough to manage everything - taking care of my husband, helping with the house, working part-time, taking care of my daughter (who's now 2), etc. Children actually become MORE time-consuming in the few years after birth.

It's also wise to keep in mind that you might end up with serious complications while pregnant - early delivery, needing to be on bedrest, etc., that can keep you from doing well in school. The hormonal shifts in pregnancy can also affect how well you work, and how well you can concentrate. I'm in my third trimester and the lack of sleep is killing me; I feel that I sleep worse when pregnant than when I have a newborn. I also have to stop working a month before delivery now that I am having early contractions/early dilation again.

As well, there will be mandatory doctor visits for the child, which you will have to take out of your school/work schedule to attend, unless your significant other can help. And then there's guilt of not being around them more, etc...

And finances. Immunizations are expensive! Do you have health insurance? Child care is expensive, too.

I don't know. Everyone's situation is different. I am glad that I had my children before graduate school. Done and out of the way!

Hope this helps give perspective... best wishes to those brave enough to attempt it!

[greenie]

someone at orientation who DOES NOT currently have a child was inquiring about day care today.  I was thinking - "you're PLANNING on having a child during law school?!  dear lord"

[just dot]

i was tryin to convince my husband that this year would be a good time to have a baby, but now im really reconsidering that statement.

As someone who will have had two children while an undergraduate (my first during midterms my freshman year, my second this semester before midterms in my sophomore year), I cannot imagine having children during law school. I find it hard enough to manage everything - taking care of my husband, helping with the house, working part-time, taking care of my daughter (who's now 2), etc. Children actually become MORE time-consuming in the few years after birth.

It's also wise to keep in mind that you might end up with serious complications while pregnant - early delivery, needing to be on bedrest, etc., that can keep you from doing well in school. The hormonal shifts in pregnancy can also affect how well you work, and how well you can concentrate. I'm in my third trimester and the lack of sleep is killing me; I feel that I sleep worse when pregnant than when I have a newborn. I also have to stop working a month before delivery now that I am having early contractions/early dilation again.

As well, there will be mandatory doctor visits for the child, which you will have to take out of your school/work schedule to attend, unless your significant other can help. And then there's guilt of not being around them more, etc...

And finances. Immunizations are expensive! Do you have health insurance? Child care is expensive, too.

I don't know. Everyone's situation is different. I am glad that I had my children before graduate school. Done and out of the way!

Hope this helps give perspective... best wishes to those brave enough to attempt it!

Not to be a downer, but I COMPLETEY agree with this.  I have two small children (2 and 5) and I wouldn't even be considering law school if I didn't have such tremendous family support from my mother and sister.  There is absolutely no way I would recommend trying to have a baby during law school.  You could luck out and have a great pregnancy and a calm baby...or you could be on bed-rest for 4 months and/or have a colicky baby (I did).  I went back to finish my undergrad degree when my first was 8 months old and it was the hardest thing I have ever done.  My grades suffered because was tired and unfocused from the lack of sleep and physical exhaustion.  During finals, she had her first bad cold and I went to take my finals on 2 hours of sleep with my mind on my sick child.

Having a baby is so much more work than you can ever imagine.  I barely slept for the first year after each of my babies were born.  I think if it is something you are dead-set on doing, you could probably make it work.  Still, there are only so many hours in a day and something will have to give.  Either your grades will suffer or you won't get as much time with your new child as you want.  If you simply must do it, I would suggest planning being pregnant the last semester of law school and having the baby right after you take the bar.  That way, you could take a month or two with the baby before you start work.  That's just my unexperienced guess.  I'm just now starting law school.

Good luck with whatever you decide.  I believe you can absolutely do it if you want, but I just want you to understand that you will just be making it harder on yourself in the long run.  You can never predict what kind of pregnancy or baby you will get.  You might luck out, but what if you don't?

[sofia455]

Not to be a downer, but I COMPLETEY agree with this.  I have two small children (2 and 5) and I wouldn't even be considering law school if I didn't have such tremendous family support from my mother and sister.  There is absolutely no way I would recommend trying to have a baby during law school.  You could luck out and have a great pregnancy and a calm baby...or you could be on bed-rest for 4 months and/or have a colicky baby (I did).  I went back to finish my undergrad degree when my first was 8 months old and it was the hardest thing I have ever done.  My grades suffered because was tired and unfocused from the lack of sleep and physical exhaustion.  During finals, she had her first bad cold and I went to take my finals on 2 hours of sleep with my mind on my sick child.

Having a baby is so much more work than you can ever imagine.  I barely slept for the first year after each of my babies were born.  I think if it is something you are dead-set on doing, you could probably make it work.  Still, there are only so many hours in a day and something will have to give.  Either your grades will suffer or you won't get as much time with your new child as you want.  If you simply must do it, I would suggest planning being pregnant the last semester of law school and having the baby right after you take the bar.  That way, you could take a month or two with the baby before you start work.  That's just my unexperienced guess.  I'm just now starting law school.

Good luck with whatever you decide.  I believe you can absolutely do it if you want, but I just want you to understand that you will just be making it harder on yourself in the long run.  You can never predict what kind of pregnancy or baby you will get.  You might luck out, but what if you don't?

Dotlyn,
I am with you - I have significant family support (which means free babysitting from family members who understand that my education is an investment in my family's future), my husband works a good job AND helps me out in other areas at home (cleaning, waking up at night with me, etc). I can't imagine what I would do without all the support I have been given. I agree that you can make it work if you have to, but don't think that it's going to be easy.... you WILL wish you didn't have the extra burden on your energy. (Even though children are great!)

I agree that the best would probably be to wait until the last year, because then you won't have to worry as much about internships, either.

"During finals, she had her first bad cold and I went to take my finals on 2 hours of sleep with my mind on my sick child."

My daughter had her first bad cold during midterms, and then I got sick, too! NOT fun! And yeah, all I wanted to do was stay home with her and take care of her. And some days I did have to, because she couldn't go to anyone because others were sick, too.

Just things to think about. I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything now that I have her (she wasn't planned), but having her did make everything much more difficult. My grades did suffer for a semester, and I am paying the price now by retaking two classes. Law school isn't quite as generous with classes and grades as undergraduate study.