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Author Topic: Relationships that actually WORKED (or are working) in LS  (Read 3540 times)

UGAfootballfanatic

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Re: Relationships that actually WORKED (or are working) in LS
« Reply #10 on: January 09, 2008, 06:53:43 PM »
I'm a 2L, and I've got a bit of a different take. I've been married for 3 years, 1 and 1/2 yrs of which i've been in law school. Frankly, I think it's not a bad thing to be long distance while in school. It'll probably help your grades, your focus, and your friendships with your peer students. Particularly when you live with someone, you feel guilty about spending all of your evevnings working on law school stuff or going out with friends from class. I think seeing each other on teh weekend is really the best of both worlds- you get to be a typical law student working hard all week, and the weekend can be all about your quality time with your SO.
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Astro

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Re: Relationships that actually WORKED (or are working) in LS
« Reply #11 on: January 09, 2008, 10:12:58 PM »
I will chime in here.

I'm dating an incredible lady.  We'd been together for three and a half years when she went away for her graduate degree.  I was relatively certain I'd be following her in a year -- it just so happened that our paths were meant to cross, given what we wanted out of school/living arrangements.

I've played counselor to other couples for most of my pubescent/adult life, as has she.  I'd say I've got a fairly strong grasp on the dynamics of monogamous relationships, as has she.  Further, given my past experiences in my own relationships, I could go so far as to say this relationship was unique.  It was powerful.  It was rock solid.  It was the envy of everyone I knew.

A year of long distance almost destroyed that.

There's no way people can tell you how this is going to pan out.  The reality is, some people change when they move away, and some don't.  Some are used to drastic change, and some aren't.  Some couples are more attached, and some less so (we were less so, and it was still a destructive change).

Luckily, we've managed to put things back together again in relatively short order now that I'm here.  But I can almost guarantee that, if we'd had to stretch it out another year, we wouldn't be together anymore.  And this has nothing to do with the power or bonds of love or whatever other trash people like to throw out when they talk about this stuff.  It's just a factor of who you two are, individually.  You don't know what life's going to throw at you for that time, nor do you know what's going to be heaped on your partner. 

Making things work is possible, but to do so successfully is unlikely.  Long distance relationships are stressful, no matter how you cut it. 
J, if you didn't bring enough penis for everyone, you shouldn't have brought any penis at all. 

vercingetorix

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Re: Relationships that actually WORKED (or are working) in LS
« Reply #12 on: January 10, 2008, 12:23:53 AM »
dude, she totally cheated on you!  ;)

traffic777

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Re: Relationships that actually WORKED (or are working) in LS
« Reply #13 on: January 16, 2008, 11:43:30 AM »

(this post ignores the obvious fact that you two would inevitably cheat on each other during this long distance relationship)

Whooooooa.  If that is an obvious and inevitable fact, then you definitely don't belong together.  My fiance and I were long-distance for 2 years and we really never even had a conversation about it.  We took it on a day-by-day basis and if one day it had stopped working for us it would've ended.  If you care that deeply about him, just let life take its course.  If you end up somewhat close, great.  If you don't and it doesn't work out, then oh well.  Yea it's a super uncomfortable situation...but I think the best way to approach it is to let it work itself out. 

He cheated on you.   ;) ;)

Yep  :'(
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traffic777

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Re: Relationships that actually WORKED (or are working) in LS
« Reply #14 on: January 21, 2008, 02:29:36 PM »
Sure, they can work. Although, my TM instructor suggested to divorce before graduation or not marry in the first place, unless your SO makes more. You'll be a hot item after graduation  ;D
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Tetris

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Re: Relationships that actually WORKED (or are working) in LS
« Reply #15 on: January 24, 2008, 01:11:05 PM »
I say break up.

If it was meant to be, you'll end back up together.
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Kirk Lazarus

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Re: Relationships that actually WORKED (or are working) in LS
« Reply #16 on: January 24, 2008, 01:22:58 PM »
To the OP - unless I get into one of my top New York choices, I will probably be facing a similar situation.

But for all the LD cynics - it *can* work.  I did it for nearly 3 years in college from DC to Boston.  I busted ass during the week in class, still spent plenty of time with my friends (perhaps moreso because my SO was over 400 miles away the majority of the year), and vists with my SO were always great.  Eventually he moved to be with me.  We broke up when I realized I didn't want to marry this person.  So although he wasn't for me, I'm a big believer in making LD realtionships work if there's a strong foundation of love there.

However - my last SO was transferred out of the country for a minimum of 3 years.  That - to me - was the limits of my big belief.  So I do think each LD situation is unique and you have to determine how frequent visits can be, how needy you or your SO are, if you can manage your work to actually find the time for visits, if you have a viable future with this person, etc. 

But my concrete advice?  Just wait until the end of your respective cycles and see what your options are.  That's what I'm doing and it's nice to have one less worry for now.

EDIT: And we never cheated.  We have way too many mutual friends to pull that off.

lol, how does this matter? Cheat and then don't tell anybody?
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LuvHurtz

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Re: Relationships that actually WORKED (or are working) in LS
« Reply #17 on: January 24, 2008, 01:53:19 PM »
I will chime in here.

I'm dating an incredible lady.  We'd been together for three and a half years when she went away for her graduate degree.  I was relatively certain I'd be following her in a year -- it just so happened that our paths were meant to cross, given what we wanted out of school/living arrangements.

I've played counselor to other couples for most of my pubescent/adult life, as has she.  I'd say I've got a fairly strong grasp on the dynamics of monogamous relationships, as has she.  Further, given my past experiences in my own relationships, I could go so far as to say this relationship was unique.  It was powerful.  It was rock solid.  It was the envy of everyone I knew.

A year of long distance almost destroyed that.

There's no way people can tell you how this is going to pan out.  The reality is, some people change when they move away, and some don't.  Some are used to drastic change, and some aren't.  Some couples are more attached, and some less so (we were less so, and it was still a destructive change).

Luckily, we've managed to put things back together again in relatively short order now that I'm here.  But I can almost guarantee that, if we'd had to stretch it out another year, we wouldn't be together anymore.  And this has nothing to do with the power or bonds of love or whatever other trash people like to throw out when they talk about this stuff.  It's just a factor of who you two are, individually.  You don't know what life's going to throw at you for that time, nor do you know what's going to be heaped on your partner. 

Making things work is possible, but to do so successfully is unlikely.  Long distance relationships are stressful, no matter how you cut it. 


It's weird...this sounds exactly like my relationship. Before my SO went to school everyone was talking about how great a couple we were. We hardly ever fought with each other and if we did argue it was over something stupid and we both got over it the same day. We never really had any serious problems and it seemed like we were just perfect for each other. But then after he started school we went from the couple that were best friends and never argued to barely being able to get along with each other and screaming and yelling at each other everyday. And neither of us ever imagined that the distance would affect our relationship that much. It's better now but still not great. We've been long distance for almost 2 years and believe it or not I have still not adjusted. What a lot of people don't realize is that it's not just the distance you have to worry about. The distance by itself is bad for a lot of couples but once you factor in the stress of law school to me it makes things a lot more complicated.

L+C

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Re: Relationships that actually WORKED (or are working) in LS
« Reply #18 on: January 24, 2008, 03:51:10 PM »
My situation:

engaged before 1L
married summer after 1L/ and transferred to new school
first child during 3L

...it can be done

eestiarmastus

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Re: Relationships that actually WORKED (or are working) in LS
« Reply #19 on: January 30, 2008, 04:28:19 PM »
but neither of us (and rightly so, i think) is willing to sacrafice our educational goals just to be near the other. this is not to say we're unwilling to talk about it and compromise to a degree, but if he just flat out can't get what he wants at harvard, it's not going to happen.a factor we can overcome.

I've been with my SO for 3.5 years now and we live together. He's in a PHD program where we live already so I either have to go to school here or move somewhere else for law school.

My #1 choices are the two schools in this area but I don't know if I'll get in yet or if I might get more money from somewhere else, etc... Basically, I'm going to try my very hardest to stay in the same area as my SO.

I think that if you are both too concerned about your careers to be willing to make sacrifices for your relationship, then you should be weary of making a long distance relationship work. I'm not saying it can't - because it does work for some people - but I lived abroad all last year and had a LS relationship with my current SO and it was VERY difficult. Its not very fun and can be very stressful.

Basically, a LS relationship is VERY hard and requires a LOT of commitment. And if neither of you is willing to make sacrifices for the other, then you should think hard about if you have the commitment to stay together.