Law School Discussion

MAS: Welcomes Our New Socialist Overlord

Re: MAS: Welcomes Our New Socialist Overlord
« Reply #9710 on: August 07, 2009, 10:35:20 AM »
Expecting gratefulness for one's sacrifices for others is usually a mistake, IMO.

dischord

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Re: MAS: Welcomes Our New Socialist Overlord
« Reply #9711 on: August 07, 2009, 10:45:00 AM »
TCR if you hang out with self-centered assholes.

I'M grateful he's willing to move to a city he hates so I can go to a better school.

I think that might be the problem, though -- I only get to do this once.  I can't keep carting him wherever I want to go forever.

Re: MAS: Welcomes Our New Socialist Overlord
« Reply #9712 on: August 07, 2009, 12:17:06 PM »
1) is not always true if it's academia.  Many of my professors seem fond of using the term; it is even preferred.  But, in the real world, Reez is credited.

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Re: MAS: Welcomes Our New Socialist Overlord
« Reply #9713 on: August 07, 2009, 12:29:36 PM »
Well, we will just have to agree to disagree about the point of calling someone "partner" (ETA: I mean re gender roles).  Although that said, I don't actually do that IRL, and I don't necessarily plan to do it if I bring him around once I get an SA/job.  This is purely for OCI purposes to avoid having people ding me for not being engaged/married (as if why I am or am not engaged/married to this person is something that's really their business).  And like I said, I'll likely leave it up to them to decide whether I'm talking about a woman or a man.

And I don't fully agree with your statement in (2), but mostly because it seems like this is how guys characterize pretty much every man works/woman stays at home relationship.  If I were at home doing a bunch of housework drudgery, I don't think I'd feel much gratitude.  If I had a husband who insisted on this kind of arrangement and then held his breadwinning over my head as carte blanche to either be an a-hole or to be the primary decision-maker in the household, I probably wouldn't be grateful, either.  But if someone asked me if I wanted him to pay my law school tuition because he cared about me and wanted to see me succeed, then yeah, I'd feel grateful.

I feel like my current situation is closer to the latter.  

Re: MAS: Welcomes Our New Socialist Overlord
« Reply #9714 on: August 07, 2009, 01:44:04 PM »
Do tell.

i get yelled at enough already, thank you very much.

dischord

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Re: MAS: Welcomes Our New Socialist Overlord
« Reply #9715 on: August 07, 2009, 01:54:09 PM »
I won't yell at you, I promise!  ;)

Re: MAS: Welcomes Our New Socialist Overlord
« Reply #9716 on: August 07, 2009, 02:17:10 PM »
I won't yell at you, I promise!  ;)

it's not always about you, you know.  :P

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Re: MAS: Welcomes Our New Socialist Overlord
« Reply #9717 on: August 07, 2009, 02:28:05 PM »
I won't yell at you, I promise!  ;)

it's not always about you, you know.  :P

Something tells me I'm the only person around MAS who would yell at you for sexism.  Unless maybe Miss P. made another appearance.

Re: MAS: Welcomes Our New Socialist Overlord
« Reply #9718 on: August 07, 2009, 02:37:44 PM »
I won't yell at you, I promise!  ;)

it's not always about you, you know.  :P

Something tells me I'm the only person around MAS who would yell at you for sexism.  Unless maybe Miss P. made another appearance.

the moment's passed, anyway.  my response will just have to remain in the magic box.

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Re: MAS: Welcomes Our New Socialist Overlord
« Reply #9719 on: August 07, 2009, 02:54:34 PM »

I can live with all these statements, though, with respect to the carte blanche business, I'd be very particular about whether the man has "insisted" on the arrangement or not.  If it's actually just how the relationship has developed (probably more common--"well, once we're married, I'll work at the firm for a couple more years then we'll have a family (i.e., I'm retiring, bitches!)"), then you're in a much different ballpark than "if we're married, you will not have a job and you will make our house your primary responsibility."

And as an aside, this whole "housework drudgery" stuff is something that I've never really bought.  I know that it's supposedly worth tens of thousands of dollars if you hired a maid to do every little thing, but I don't think I'll ever be convinced that doing laundry and going to the grocery store is as bad as, say, working biglaw.  As boring, maybe, but still.

Anyway, I'm all for simultaneous careers.  I was raised by nannies because Mom worked; fine by me.

(I just edited to add some things)

Indeed, you did.

See, the thing is, if it's actually how the relationship developed, I think it would then bother me more to be expected to show gratitude -- at least insofar as I might not have ever particularly wanted to stop working and have someone support me.  I.e., say it didn't make financial sense for the me to continue working because of relative income and the cost of day care, house cleaning, whatever services I needed.

I personally find maintaining a home to be very difficult and extremely time-consuming.  I mean, sure, laundry and groceries aren't terribly difficult but to really keep a place clean over time requires a lot of grunt work (I mean like scrubbing floors on your hands and knees type *&^%).  I'm not saying it's more difficult than Biglaw, but then again Biglaw is really it's own special hell.  The point, though, is that the typical attitude towards household chores is to devalue them, and I think that's in no small part a result of their traditional status as women's work.

In short, if you want to talk about gratitude in this arena, I think it's really easy to veer into "Oh look at me and my MANLY BIGLAW HARD JOB, I'm so important and life is so hard!  You womenz sit around gossiping and painting your toenails all day.  HOW DARE YOU CONTRADICT ME!" territory.