Black Women going into biglaw...

[blk_reign]

and you got that from where??  it's funny that MD's statement is the only one that you replied to.. but even with that it isn't like she said homeboy must make six figures in order to get some type of attention from me...

it isn't about the money.. it's about the mindset.. i've always been in a relationship with someone who @ the time that we were dating made or had less money that i did @ the time.. whether they were currently a resident doctor.. teacher..student or whatever else.. i either made more money or had more saved up for whatever reason.. it only became an issue in one of those relationships and that's because the guy wasn't honest with me or honest with himself.. his insecurities manifested because of what i was doing with my life..& the goals that i was embarking upon.. and to me that's simply childish

if your partner is achieving and you feel that you are not.. let her/him be an inspiration for you to do better.. but i digress...

So is there some high society dating network amongst young urban professional where you all plan to get your equals?? Based on what I am hearing there is a strong likelihood you all will not date folks that earn a fraction of your income. Is money so important that you would be willing to forego a perfectly good handsome educated man that makes half what you make in order to hedge a potential loss from you being out of work? That specifically is addressing MDlaw statement.

I mean from what I here sistagirl you would rather be with a herb making equal money than a stud making 50K a year.

[Burning Sands, Esq.]

Dang, I forgot how this board can be....let me clarify what I said (or meant to say) before ya'll (yea you Galt ) turn it into something else.

I'm not saying that there cannot be a discrepancy in income.  However, as society becomes bifurcated thereby eliminating the middle class, there may be issues when one person's salary is 4 times their SO's. 

I am not saying that it will not work, but it definitely takes some communication like MCB said.  I watched that CR special and it/s true.  Men get insecure sometimes when their girl makes less, and a chick sometimes feels like she's being treated like a child when her man makes more than her and doesn't act right b/c of it.

If I end up in biglaw I would not be opposed to a brotha that makes less than me, but is can HE deal with it?  Really and truly, it's sometimes easier to talk to someone whose finances are similar to your b/c it's one less issue ya'll might have to deal with.  Did that clarify?

This reminds me of Sex n the City when Miranda wanted to buy Steve the suit, and Steve got frustrated and wanted to pay for it himself but had to spread it out over 4 different credit cards and a personal check for the remainder.   So in other words, money can DEF be a problem so I hear what MD is saying, which is distinguishable from a sister who says that she will ONLY date brothers making X amount.

To reverse for a second, this is something that the fellas consider as well.  I'll say from the onset that I do not subscribe to the "homegirl must make 6 figures to be down with me" doctrine, but I'm not trying to take on a dependent either.  I would want my girl to be doing SOMETHING...hell anything.  It doesn't really matter what to me, just have some kinda goal, ambition or drive adn we're good.  I'll take a goal driven sister making $40k/yr over one of these pretentious stuck up prissy silver spoon chicks making $160k/yr anyway.

To bring it back to the original proposition, from a males point of view, if a sister makes more than I do then that is A OK with me, jack.  You will not hear me complain at all.  However, I think it can become problematic because it has been my experience that many sisters (not all, but many) tend to throw that in their man's face whether its relevant to the argument at the time or not.  So the question becomes, once you find a good brother out there who is making, say...$65k/yr working for the federal government, and you're making $160k/yr at biglaw, is that a problem or can you foresee that becoming a problem somewhere down the line for YOU women?

[Special Agent Dana Scully]

That is not a problem for me at all.  It all depends on the person.  If he can handle it and he's ambitious like you stated, then it's all good (he's a rider and I'm a roller put us together how you goin' stop both of us  --sorry had to pay homage). I can't see myself throwing it back in his face.  If we're compatible, hopefully money will not be an issue.  I'm not an overly excessive spender and have always lived within my means. Two people living on a $225k salary ain't bad.   The problem is finding that good brotha  I keed (somewhat) 

the bolded may cause problems for any of my future relationships if the guy in uncomfortable with me making more...bc i am an excessive spender (though i'm not hoodrich about it--i buy things when i have a surplus or whatever).  i can see that making someone uncomfortable if i go shopping and buy this and that and dude is just feeling bad bc he can't do the same.

[Special Agent Dana Scully]

That is not a problem for me at all.  It all depends on the person.  If he can handle it and he's ambitious like you stated, then it's all good (he's a rider and I'm a roller put us together how you goin' stop both of us  --sorry had to pay homage). I can't see myself throwing it back in his face.  If we're compatible, hopefully money will not be an issue.  I'm not an overly excessive spender and have always lived within my means. Two people living on a $225k salary ain't bad.   The problem is finding that good brotha  I keed (somewhat) 

the bolded may cause problems for any of my future relationships if the guy in uncomfortable with me making more...bc i am an excessive spender (though i'm not hoodrich about it--i buy things when i have a surplus or whatever).  i can see that making someone uncomfortable if i go shopping and buy this and that and dude is just feeling bad bc he can't do the same.

Or even worse, dude is feeling bad 'cause you didn't buy ish for him.   It's a wrap!

dead

[blk_reign]

 

That is not a problem for me at all.  It all depends on the person.  If he can handle it and he's ambitious like you stated, then it's all good (he's a rider and I'm a roller put us together how you goin' stop both of us  --sorry had to pay homage). I can't see myself throwing it back in his face.  If we're compatible, hopefully money will not be an issue.  I'm not an overly excessive spender and have always lived within my means. Two people living on a $225k salary ain't bad.   The problem is finding that good brotha  I keed (somewhat) 

the bolded may cause problems for any of my future relationships if the guy in uncomfortable with me making more...bc i am an excessive spender (though i'm not hoodrich about it--i buy things when i have a surplus or whatever).  i can see that making someone uncomfortable if i go shopping and buy this and that and dude is just feeling bad bc he can't do the same.

Or even worse, dude is feeling bad 'cause you didn't buy ish for him.   It's a wrap!

dead

[pikey]

That is not a problem for me at all.  It all depends on the person.  If he can handle it and he's ambitious like you stated, then it's all good (he's a rider and I'm a roller put us together how you goin' stop both of us  --sorry had to pay homage). I can't see myself throwing it back in his face.  If we're compatible, hopefully money will not be an issue.  I'm not an overly excessive spender and have always lived within my means. Two people living on a $225k salary ain't bad.   The problem is finding that good brotha  I keed (somewhat) 

the bolded may cause problems for any of my future relationships if the guy in uncomfortable with me making more...bc i am an excessive spender (though i'm not hoodrich about it--i buy things when i have a surplus or whatever).  i can see that making someone uncomfortable if i go shopping and buy this and that and dude is just feeling bad bc he can't do the same.

It all depends on who you are and what your style is.  Whenever the bf and I go shopping I come back with multiple bags and he comes back with one thing or nothing at all.  There was a point when it was because I had more disposable income than him but mostly its cause he just doesn't spend money like that.  He's perfectly content to go shopping with me (well to a certain point, its definitely not his fav activity) and hold my bags while I do my thing, without feeling the need to buy a whole bunch of stuff for himself.

Plus, if we're married, I believe in our wealth, so if he's making 50k and I'm making 150k, then we both have 10k (or whatever) in disposable income to spend as we wish.

[TruOne]

well then tell those brothers making 50k to go back to school so that they can have more earning potential.. or tell them to man the @#!* up and realize that in this world there are plenty of women..blk women out there that are doing the damn thing and they aren't going to stop doing the damn thing and achieving their goals because Willie's feelings are hurt because he's making less than she is..it sounds like a personal problem to me.. insecurities because he's not reaching his own earning potential.. or maybe he is and can't accept the fact that the woman has surpassed him...

Wow. . . .this response is so shallow and materialistic. So he's at fault b/c he's making less. Nowhere in the scenario did I say that he was lazy or just sitting around twiddling his thumbs.

It is quite possible that he has a terminal degree, but he's working for the Gov't as a social worker or maybe a teacher in a small county.

Wow . . just wow.

[Special Agent Dana Scully]

well then tell those brothers making 50k to go back to school so that they can have more earning potential.. or tell them to man the @#!* up and realize that in this world there are plenty of women..blk women out there that are doing the damn thing and they aren't going to stop doing the damn thing and achieving their goals because Willie's feelings are hurt because he's making less than she is..it sounds like a personal problem to me.. insecurities because he's not reaching his own earning potential.. or maybe he is and can't accept the fact that the woman has surpassed him...

Wow. . . .this response is so shallow and materialistic. So he's at fault b/c he's making less. Nowhere in the scenario did I say that he was lazy or just sitting around twiddling his thumbs.

It is quite possible that he has a terminal degree, but he's working for the Gov't as a social worker or maybe a teacher in a small county.

Wow . . just wow.

where did she say that dude was lazy though?  she didn't even imply it.  her response, from the way i'm reading it, was based moreso on UNAS and guys like him who are letting their egos get in the way bc this goes against the paradigm.  thus, blk is saying that dude either deals with it and lets it go bc it really doesn't matter, or go further his education to make more if he feels that HE needs to be the one making more.

[pikey]

well then tell those brothers making 50k to go back to school so that they can have more earning potential.. or tell them to man the @#!* up and realize that in this world there are plenty of women..blk women out there that are doing the damn thing and they aren't going to stop doing the damn thing and achieving their goals because Willie's feelings are hurt because he's making less than she is..it sounds like a personal problem to me.. insecurities because he's not reaching his own earning potential.. or maybe he is and can't accept the fact that the woman has surpassed him...

Wow. . . .this response is so shallow and materialistic. So he's at fault b/c he's making less. Nowhere in the scenario did I say that he was lazy or just sitting around twiddling his thumbs.

It is quite possible that he has a terminal degree, but he's working for the Gov't as a social worker or maybe a teacher in a small county.

Wow . . just wow.

where did she say that dude was lazy though?  she didn't even imply it.  her response, from the way i'm reading it, was based moreso on UNAS and guys like him who are letting their egos get in the way bc this goes against the paradigm.  thus, blk is saying that dude either deals with it and lets it go bc it really doesn't matter, or go further his education to make more if he feels that HE needs to be the one making more.

titcr.  If your woman making more than you makes you feel like less of a man, you need to check yourself before you check her.

[blk_reign]

that's exactly what i was saying MCB & pikey (triplets always have my back ).. let's slow it down for a sec for the people in Georgia.. geez i swear..

someone tell me where i said a damn thing about material things? i am certainly not looking for anyone to take care of me.. i handle my own quite well.. i responded directly to you and this statement But if you are making $50k and she's making $130k. That's not building wealth, that's you relying on her income. She the breadwinner...

take my response out of context and you misconstrue it into the bs that you've thrown @ me...it's quite funny that you couldn't post my entire statement which totally diminishes your reply....

I didn't say anyone was at fault for anything..seriously have you read my posts in this thread? did you not see where I said $ doesn't matter to me and I have always been in the position where I have grossed more? chalk it to the game of working in BigLaw.. owning and managing my own real estate and knowing how to manage money.. I'm comfortable with the fact that I have surpassed a lot of brothas in my age group from the financial standpoint.. it's never been an issue to me.. but I can't say the same for brothas like UNAS and you Mr Tru...

let me make it plain for the people... if you are a man and you have problems with your woman making more money than you do.. then simply do not date/marry outside of your tax bracket.. if you're grossing 40k and you feel inferior because your wife is grossing 100k plus then you made the mistake by not being honest with yourself about what you could deal with...

$ shouldn't matter (in the context of who's making what) but it does because there are some people that are real simple and real insecure.. that cannot take thier significant other's accomplishments as motivation and inspiration to do more with their lives.. and for the record.. I have never and would never throw money in my SO's face.. that's childish.. and I'm too old and mature to play those reindeer games..

now I didn't say anything about anyone being lazy.. is there a situation that you're thinking about in particular over there?

this all boils down to mindsets anyway.. you're talking about breadwinners and all of this other mess.. when one would think that in a household if the combined income is $180k .. you wouldn't be thinking so much about who's bringing in what.. rather than let's be grateful for what we have and enjoy our gracious living together.. it's this jacked up mentality that causes divorces and instability in the homes..

$180k household and you're disgruntled because you're making less? Pligga Nease...

well then tell those brothers making 50k to go back to school so that they can have more earning potential.. or tell them to man the @#!* up and realize that in this world there are plenty of women..blk women out there that are doing the damn thing and they aren't going to stop doing the damn thing and achieving their goals because Willie's feelings are hurt because he's making less than she is..it sounds like a personal problem to me.. insecurities because he's not reaching his own earning potential.. or maybe he is and can't accept the fact that the woman has surpassed him...

Wow. . . .this response is so shallow and materialistic. So he's at fault b/c he's making less. Nowhere in the scenario did I say that he was lazy or just sitting around twiddling his thumbs.

It is quite possible that he has a terminal degree, but he's working for the Gov't as a social worker or maybe a teacher in a small county.

Wow . . just wow.

where did she say that dude was lazy though?  she didn't even imply it.  her response, from the way i'm reading it, was based moreso on UNAS and guys like him who are letting their egos get in the way bc this goes against the paradigm.  thus, blk is saying that dude either deals with it and lets it go bc it really doesn't matter, or go further his education to make more if he feels that HE needs to be the one making more.