Law School Discussion

Yale Law School - Personal Statement

Yale Law School - Personal Statement
« on: October 16, 2007, 12:15:21 AM »
To my dearest admission officers at Yale Law School,

   I cannot express the immense gratitude that I pretend to feel towards your consideration of my application to your highly renowned and prestigious law school. My name is Charles Burke Maximus Cornelius Rockwell XIII and I am originally from the Main Line. My passion for law was augmented when I was at the ripe young age of four. My grandfather sat me on his lap and explained that six generations of our family have heralded JD degrees from either Harvard or Yale Law Schools, and that not following in their footsteps would be a most detestable sin committed against Jesus Christ. Obviously, I was quite fretful of betraying both my pretentious grandfather and Jesus Christ. Thus I dedicated the entirety of my existence to challenge myself in preparatory school and live up to my grandfather’s pleas by getting into your law school. In fact, not once have I ever faltered in this mission. Aside from the leisurely summers spent in Nantucket sipping lemonade and playing cricket in the Hamptons, I never caught a respite from this arduous ambition.
   My passionate dream of attending your law school (or Harvard’s) was nearly crushed when I received a C- in English class during my freshman year at Philip Exeter Academy. I was utterly astounded to have received the absurd grade of a C- in English class, (a language in which I can speak good grammar of). My father was also astounded that the preparatory school could have allowed for this mishap. Apparently, my English teacher had been undergoing personal difficulties in her life which resulted in both her inaccurate grade recording that semester, as well as the immediate termination of her tenure at the academy, the Dean told my father and I. After this strange mishap, I earned nothing but straight A+’s at the academy. Obviously, I graduated from Philips Exeter Academy as Valedictorian. I also had a perfect SAT score 1600. Though I must be modest and admit that I studied quite intensely for the SAT and took the exam several times. My parents hired three dozen or so full-time SAT tutors who were able to train me in every conceivable technique to acquire the highest conceivable score. By the 18th time I had taken the SAT, I scored a perfect 1600!
   Getting accepted into Hahvahd University for my undergraduate education came naturally, especially considering my refined cultural heritage and superb intellectual capacity. When I arrived at Hahvahd University I was utterly amazed not only by the amazingly smart people there, but also by the scope of diversity at Hahvahd University. It was the time first I ever met a Black descendent of American slavery, or an illegal immigrant from Mexico, or a Chinaman. Though there were also many Jews who I met at Hahvahd University, I was already quite accustomed to these types of students, given that there were a plethora of Jews at my preparatory school and in my hometown neighborhood on the Main Line. In my father’s words, “Jews infest everywhere”. I enjoyed my repressed minority friends very much during my time at Hahvahd University, and even invited them all to join the crew team, of which I was captain. Unfortunately, none were able to join because the coach said only WASPs could row for the Harvard Crew team. I didn’t quite understand my coach’s reason since I knew none of my repressed minority friends were bees.
   During the summer between my junior and senior years at Hahvahd University, my father encouraged me to spend a few days at a Red Cross center in Ghana to assist with the HIV/AIDS epidemic or the genocide crisis there, one or the other. It was in Ghana that I discovered some of the most amazing things in my life: such as how god-forsaken hot the African continent is during the summer, how inconceivably dirty the savage natives appeared, and how uneducated the world is outside of Cambridge. My father was proud of the various things I told him I learned from my experience in Ghana, and he even mentioned that I should write about my experiences in Ghana in some kind of journal he called a résumé.
   During my senior year in college, my team of hired law school gurus and I have been working together tirelessly to submit an application worthy of acceptance by the Yale University Law School admissions committee. My father paid the necessary 1.2 million dollars required to register for LSDAS to send you my 4.33 weighted GPA and 180 LSAT score to your law school, (I can’t believe LSDAS workers charge so much to alter GPAs and LSAT scores, I wonder if they give financial aid to the less fortunate applicants). In addition, I am sure my two letters of recommendation, both of which were signed and endorsed by a close family friend, G.W. Bush, will be of the utmost assistance in helping you discern my qualifications. With that said, I truly hope to be admitted and to attend Yale Medical School Law School next year. My father says that, if accepted, I can fulfill my (his) lifelong dream of me becoming an American President someday.

With sincerest regards,
Charles Burke Maximus Cornelius Rockwell XIII and my team of hired law school gurus


P.S. In his sincerest gratitude for your consideration, my father will be sending you each a brand new yacht.

Shark Week

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Re: Yale Law School - Personal Statement
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2007, 12:51:20 AM »
i bet someone still falls for it

Re: Yale Law School - Personal Statement
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2007, 10:57:11 AM »
Dear morons who keep messaging me with tips on how to improve my personal statement,

This personal statement is A JOKE. Thanks.


P.S. Please tell me morons like you are not becoming lawyers in this country...

-HarvardLawSchool

Re: Yale Law School - Personal Statement
« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2007, 11:02:04 AM »
who has this much time?

Re: Yale Law School - Personal Statement
« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2007, 11:06:34 AM »
I'm a humor columnist for my school paper...it was a prior work.

Re: Yale Law School - Personal Statement
« Reply #5 on: October 16, 2007, 11:29:57 AM »
I'm a humor columnist for my school paper...it was a prior work.

Yeah, it's hard to believe so many people couldn't tell it was a joke. Then again, it wasn't very funny.

Dude, get a life. Or at least a less sociopathic hobby.

paratactical

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Re: Yale Law School - Personal Statement
« Reply #6 on: October 16, 2007, 11:30:58 AM »
Dear morons who keep messaging me with tips on how to improve my personal statement,

This personal statement is A JOKE. Thanks.


P.S. Please tell me morons like you are not becoming lawyers in this country...

-HarvardLawSchool




TITCR.

Re: Yale Law School - Personal Statement
« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2007, 11:35:27 AM »
Bruin - I'm already applying to UCLA, but do all Cali girls look like you?  If so, I need to get my USC, Hastings, Davis, Boalt, etc. apps ready...

Cabra

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Re: Yale Law School - Personal Statement
« Reply #8 on: October 16, 2007, 11:41:18 AM »
I like that you include a bit about overcoming adversity at Philip Exeter.

 8)

AkhilAmar

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Re: Yale Law School - Personal Statement
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2007, 12:22:20 PM »

To those unfortunate souls who truly believed this was real you have two options:

1. Climb to the top of your university's tallest building and do a swan drive into the pavement.

-or-

2. Pay full tuition at a T4 school where you will slave for three years only to find out that your degree isn't worth the 100% cotton paper it was made on. After this realization, you can find the tallest building on your alma mater's campus and do some variation of a swan drive.

If you will need people to co-sign your student loans, I highly recommend you opt for option #1.


I hate you,


Akhil