Please comment on my PS

[lawschoolismyfav]

hey
   

[ghil04]

I didn't even make it past the first two sentences.

[Yuck Fale]

I'm sorry to say, but your personal statement is going in the wrong direction, i.e. not talking about any life experience relevant to why you want to study for law. I strongly advise you to speak with your university pre-law advisor before writing the rest of your personal statement. One tip is to not speak in general "An individual devotes themselves...", but rather speak about your own personal experience. (Also you have grammatical errors, which are really, really disadvantageous to your personal statement. So just go speak with your pre-law advisor ASAP.

[ManTGeo]

I'm sorry to say, but your personal statement is going in the wrong direction, i.e. not talking about any life experience relevant to why you want to study for law. I strongly advise you to speak with your university pre-law advisor before writing the rest of your personal statement. One tip is to not speak in general "An individual devotes themselves...", but rather speak about your own personal experience. (Also you have grammatical errors, which are really, really disadvantageous to your personal statement. So just go speak with your pre-law advisor ASAP.

While I agree that this PS is not great (OP: re-write it to be about something truly personal), I crinkle my nose at the hypocrisy of you complaining about his grammar. Take a look at your own post for awkward constructions:

 "study for law"

 "disadvantageous to your personal statement"

Not trying to be mean, but I just think your a little pompous about your ability to judge others' PS's. Maybe I just don't like your rating system...

[gowi]

Your first paragraph is too abstract. I say scrap it, start with the second one, and sum up that first paragraph as the second sentence in the currently second paragraph expaining what you mean by "passion for learning."

[Yuck Fale]

I'm sorry to say, but your personal statement is going in the wrong direction, i.e. not talking about any life experience relevant to why you want to study for law. I strongly advise you to speak with your university pre-law advisor before writing the rest of your personal statement. One tip is to not speak in general "An individual devotes themselves...", but rather speak about your own personal experience. (Also you have grammatical errors, which are really, really disadvantageous to your personal statement. So just go speak with your pre-law advisor ASAP.

While I agree that this PS is not great (OP: re-write it to be about something truly personal), I crinkle my nose at the hypocrisy of you complaining about his grammar. Take a look at your own post for awkward constructions:

 "study for law"

 "disadvantageous to your personal statement"

Not trying to be mean, but I just think your a little pompous about your ability to judge others' PS's. Maybe I just don't like your rating system...

Well, um, obviously there's a huge difference between writing on an online discussion board and writing a law school application essay...besides, those grammatical "errors" you pointed out, are technically grammatically correct.

[doos13]

You just use way too many unnecessarily big words. "in order to substantiate an informed integrity with the knowledge I gained" is just terribly awkward sounding. Write from you heart, not from ms word's thesaurus. Keep in mind that many of the best writers and thinkers in the universe write quite simply. Remember, you want to present your ideas, you don't want to be a show-off. Further, the use of such awkward vocab makes you seem like you are trying to sound smart. When an adcom reads this, s/he will notice this, which in fact contrbutes to cynicism regarding your actual intelligence. I'm sure you could do better. Best of luck!

[ManTGeo]

Well, um, obviously there's a huge difference between writing on an online discussion board and writing a law school application essay...besides, those grammatical "errors" you pointed out, are technically grammatically correct.

Law is a precision game. I don't know where you're quoting the word 'errors' from - I didn't use it.

[Yuck Fale]

I got the word "error" from up my ass...you got a problem with that?

[EdFu]

Write what is natural, not a stilted version of what you think others want.