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Need Help Deciding Between two DS'! Help!


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Need Help Deciding Between two DS'! Help!
« on: October 14, 2007, 06:16:16 AM »
Hey guys.  I have two ideas for a DS and have completed rough drafts for each, but I could really use your guys' input in helping me decide which one to go with.  The first one deals with my passion for poetry and the way it has helped me deal with so many events in my life.  The second one deals with my relation to my ethnic ancestry (Korean) and makes extensive use of an analogy (kim-chee dunked in water) to reflect my identity. 

Here's a quick tidbit of each (I can send the full drafts to anyone who'd be interested in reading them):

1st DS:

‘J-aby….  K-aby….  L-aby….  M-aby….  Ooh, Maybe!’  I pumped my fists in the air, amazed that I’d stumbled upon a word that rhymed with ‘Baby.’   I quickly read through the last two lines, praying they'd be tolerable enough that I wouldn't have to re-write them:
   The world would be so simple if I was a baby.
   But I just shrug my head and think, ‘Ya well maybe!’ 
   I relaxed my shoulders with the same kind of tired satisfaction that comes to a factory worker when the clock strikes five, signaling the end of the workday.  I’d just finished writing a poem for my 7th grade English class, a painful ordeal that I’d hoped would never be repeated.  It was nothing more than a ridiculous, laughable concoction of words held together by a common set of vowel sounds.  (Continued)

2nd DS:

Few Koreans will admit to this, but refusing to eat kim-chee is tantamount to a sin of the highest order, a blasphemous ‘middle finger’ thrust straight into the faces of our ancestors.   Or at least that’s how my dad always painted it. 
   As a child growing up, I would always struggle to eat this spicy pickled delicacy, preferring to instead dunk it in water to dilute the intense flavors.  I remember watching in amazement as the red pepper flakes would slowly emerge from the folds of the cabbage, swirl around for a few seconds before coming to rest at the bottom of the glass.  Dunking the kim-chee in water was the only way I could consume this all-important dish, and it soon became a ritual whenever my mother would gently nudge the dish in my direction.   
   As strange as this sounds, I see a lot of myself in that piece of diluted kim-chee.  Born and raised in a rigidly traditional Korean household, my father demanded that I learn Tae-Kwon-Do (a traditional Korean martial arts form) and master the language.  While other kids were watching cartoons on Saturday mornings, I would sit in front of Mrs. Cho’s microphone, meticulously repeating after the vowel and consonant sounds she’d determined to make natural in my everyday dialect.   

Re: Need Help Deciding Between two DS'! Help!
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2007, 08:42:15 AM »
I vote for number 2.  They both seem good though.

Re: Need Help Deciding Between two DS'! Help!
« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2007, 12:53:41 PM »
For a DS, I like where #1 is heading... #2 is okay but to me it may be risky in that the first part IMHO may tokenize you.

Re: Need Help Deciding Between two DS'! Help!
« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2007, 03:35:10 PM »
i prefer #1, i also like #2 but i feel many DS's will be about one's ethnic background which is fine if it's affected you in a powerful way, but the poetry might be more unusual and interesting