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Author Topic: BLACK LOVE  (Read 17843 times)

ohstacey

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Re: BLACK LOVE
« Reply #40 on: July 25, 2007, 07:03:40 PM »
that's one perception cali... most of us are cool on the board with one another.. some of us have met outside of the board.. some attend the same schools... but we all have our opinions and can be outspoken.. some people can't "deal with it"...other's can... at the end of the day though.. it's all love..

Quote
I wonder why people are being so tight-lipped about what they think anyway.  These seem like the types of issues we should address and try to understand why people think the way they do, and perhaps offer them some insight into a different point of view, especially if their statements seem ignorant or appalling(sp?).

Very true Cali, very true. You know how it can get in here though...a person makes a questionable statement and then the intellectual police comes out in force and slice and dice, and dissect the statement in a way that could come off as belittlement.

Uh-oh I think I just stepped on a mine. bwahahahaaaaaa

lol, I had no idea.

I have been drawn more and more to BLSD for the opposite reason though, I feel the camraderie and "love" on this board more than on the rest of LSD...

Cool, that's what I like to hear. I haven't met anyone yet but I feel like I know some of you already. :)
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naturallybeyoutiful

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Re: BLACK LOVE
« Reply #41 on: July 25, 2007, 07:20:44 PM »
I haven't met anyone yet but I feel like I know some of you already. :)

I know right!
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justGem

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Re: BLACK LOVE
« Reply #42 on: July 25, 2007, 08:03:14 PM »

Oh well. My statements were neither ignorant nor blanketed, as I was speaking from my own personal experience. If anything, the reactions from people I described in my posts were what I would shake my head at.

Interesting subject matter though. I like the outspoken nature of some of the posts, though I do not agree with everything said.

I wonder why people are being so tight-lipped about what they think anyway.  These seem like the types of issues we should address and try to understand why people think the way they do, and perhaps offer them some insight into a different point of view, especially if their statements seem ignorant or appalling(sp?).

Fair enough, if these are indeed the opinions of all of your black female friends.  My experience are in stark contrast to this.  I have not been in the company of anyone who cares one way or the other.  Most feel as though the men who express such preferences do us a favor by wearing his "issues" on his sleeve. i.e. "Glad to know you are NOT my type from the jump"

hushpuppy

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Re: BLACK LOVE
« Reply #43 on: July 25, 2007, 08:05:35 PM »
I didn't think that this thread would be too popular amongst the women of BLSD. 

Care to elaborate? I'm interested. ;)

I'm not sure what Pulchritudinous is implying with the landmine analogy but the woman on here tend to shake their heads at ignorant or blanketed statements and  several have occured in this thread.


Yes I would marry a mixed woman, as a matter of fact if I was in love I'd marry a woman totally outside of my race. Do I feel that there are plenty of deserving African-American women that I should look towards first to marry? Well in a way yes. I love my sisters and I know that sometimes it can be a little difficult for them to find a black man at or above their level, but I don't feel I'm obligated to do so because of that. I've experienced women from every major race and a few different nationalities, and while they were definitely interesting experiences, I definitely feel that special connection with my black sisters.

I thought this next one was flame, at first. ???

I'm as black as coal and I like them light skinned, no matter what race.

I'm black, but people think I'm mixed because I'm fair-skinned. I do have Indian in my family though, lol!!

When I see black men with women who aren't black, I don't have a problem with it, although my black girlfriends always seem to. I think it's silly. I remember getting looks and comments from black men when I dated the white guys too.


Why? Why not dark skinned or brown skinned women. Ive met many darker sisters who look better than some lightskinned sisters. But i suppose you'd choose the lightskinned one because she is light right?


I'm afraid you're right. I would but not blindly. I wont jump on a chick just cos she's light skinned, she would still have to pass some basic tests. I would not pass up a brilliant dark skinned woman over a dumb light skinned chick, I just mean that in a situation where all things remain equal, I would opt for the light skinned one. No disrespect to my dark sistas, I still love and respect 'em, just would rather have a light skinned one with me. I have three sisters, one is lightskinned and the other two are beautiful dark skinned women but do I love one more than the other cos she's light skinned and the other is not? No. But on the romantic side, thats just what I'm attracted to. My mom's light skinned, some folks say that's got something to do with it, I dont believe 'em. For some reason I just like 'em better.


From here, I SMH and digress.

Oh well. My statements were neither ignorant nor blanketed, as I was speaking from my own personal experience. If anything, the reactions from people I described in my posts were what I would shake my head at.

Interesting subject matter though. I like the outspoken nature of some of the posts, though I do not agree with everything said.

I wonder why people are being so tight-lipped about what they think anyway.  These seem like the types of issues we should address and try to understand why people think the way they do, and perhaps offer them some insight into a different point of view, especially if their statements seem ignorant or appalling(sp?).

I agree

and mine was merely a question. I wanted to see if he had the same mentality as some people on this other message board i'm on. Because sure enough, no matter how pretty the darker sista is, they will choose the lighter sista, even if the darker one is pretty, based soley on her being lightskinned. I really think its sad. House negroes and field negroes. We need to get over that seriously. Not saying i dont have my preferences in men, but i would never exclude one over the other because of skin tone. I just dont work that way

Black as coal. Lol. I think he has some insecurities within himself for even beginning the sentence with that

No, thats where you jump the gun my friend. That was only a hyperbole meant to butress the point that two opposite things could be attractive to each other and to highlight the wide range of the diversity that abounds in our world. You know what I find funny about this board? people seem to think that just cos your post count is high, for some esoteric reason, you are more intelligent, more eloquent and your views automatically supercede that of someone with 10 or less than 100 posts, and so anyone with a lesser number of posts is deemed ignorant/stupid. That is preposterous. I like hot topics, I enjoy them and if this thread is classified as one, more grease to your elbow BLSD. Many have used the term "insecure" to describe my preferences but none of you have been able to provide credible justification for it. What is wrong with a man being candid about his preferences? Oh I forgot, we live in a dont ask, dont tell culture. We all do it but we'll never admit to it. The OP asked a question, I responded. SMH or whateva you deem it to be, I think its ridiculous to denigrate a person's preferences as crazy just because it does not fit yours. I will not pander to anyone on a message board just becasue he/she is LSD obsessed or has a lifetime membership.
Someone mentioned that we have a "LOOONG" way to go, but I bet no one would chastise you if you turn down a guy with no eyesight and amputated legs would they? You wouldnt admit it but deep inside you know you would prefer to date able bodied men, probably one with a crest smile, to make it worse, preferrably one with a college degree eh? I see nothing wrong with me having preferences. I'll say it again, I'm as black as coal and I like them light skinned, no matter what race. Its life, deal with it.
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ohstacey

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Re: BLACK LOVE
« Reply #44 on: July 25, 2007, 08:22:52 PM »

Oh well. My statements were neither ignorant nor blanketed, as I was speaking from my own personal experience. If anything, the reactions from people I described in my posts were what I would shake my head at.

Interesting subject matter though. I like the outspoken nature of some of the posts, though I do not agree with everything said.

I wonder why people are being so tight-lipped about what they think anyway.  These seem like the types of issues we should address and try to understand why people think the way they do, and perhaps offer them some insight into a different point of view, especially if their statements seem ignorant or appalling(sp?).

Fair enough, if these are indeed the opinions of all of your black female friends.  My experience are in stark contrast to this.  I have not been in the company of anyone who cares one way or the other.  Most feel as though the men who express such preferences do us a favor by wearing his "issues" on his sleeve. i.e. "Glad to know you are NOT my type from the jump"

Maybe that's where you misunderstood. I never said ALL of my black female friends have a problem. MOST do, but some don't. But for the ones that do, they share the same sentiment you mentioned, which is that they feel the brotha has some "issue" with who he is because he has a preference.

And it could be true that some brothas do have hang-ups, but not all. And making the statement that a brotha has "issues" for having a preference for dating outside his race/lighter people (sorry, couldn't think of any other way to say it) is just as ignorant when that may not be the case.

Either which way, I don't understand the bitterness some black women feel over it, it's like they take it personally or feel like the man is rejecting ALL black women.

ETA: My previous posts were referring to dating outside of one's race.
That is a separate issue from skin color preferences within our culture, which is what seems to be causing all the fuss.
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blk_reign

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Re: BLACK LOVE
« Reply #45 on: July 25, 2007, 08:33:42 PM »
in the words of Comissioned.. (partly edited)

"that someone is meeeee... that sum umm one ii-is meeeee..." ordinary just won't do i need a love that's real and true i... *ahem* :-[ anyway got lost in the moment for a sec ;D

we definitely have a long way to go... you're sitting there saying you like light skinned women better on the sole basis that they're light.. and you see nothing wrong with that? ok sure we all have preferences.. but to sit down and say a good woman who's dark skinned isn't good enough because she's dark is dare i say again crazy to me.. it has nothing to do with being PC or "dont ask don't tell" as you say.. it just brings back all of the antiquated issues that our grandparents and their parents... and their parents parents had to deal with... for the sake of this discussion it just appears that one is better than the other in your eyes and that just doesn't sit too well with me..

and we're talking apple and oranges here..

you cannot compare a physical impairment to skin color wtf?

as for the whole babble regarding folks with high post counts or whatever..dude give me a break.. it's not that serious.. no one's separating folks by post counts on here... the bottom line is that there's been a pattern - SPECIFICALLY ON BLSD- where people have created threads with these type of questions or other race related questions and then bounced off of the board.. there have been many many "flames" that have come and gone who've attempted to rile up the negroes with inflammatory posts... and that was my point regarding the whole 10 post matter..

now the whole folks think they're smarter mess.. maybe that's a personal issue you're dealing with over there because i don't see where anyone has said or alluded to that..

and i see you over there trying to flex your intellectual muscles :D.. instead of simply saying reason.. you had to throw in esoteric reason.. does that make u feel better? wiser smarter? seriously.. it's not that deep.. :D



No, thats where you jump the gun my friend. That was only a hyperbole meant to butress the point that two opposite things could be attractive to each other. You know what I find funny about this board? people seem to think that just cos your post count is high, for some esoteric reason, you are more intelligent, more eloquent and your views automatically supercede that of someone with 10 or less than 100 posts, and so anyone with a lesser number of posts is deemed ignorant/stupid. That is preposterous. I like hot topics, I enjoy them and if this thread is classified as one, more grease to your elbow BLSD. Many have used the term "insecure" to describe my preferences but none of you have been able to provide credible justification for it. What is wrong with a man being candid about his preferences? Oh I forgot, we live in a dont ask, dont tell culture. We all do it but we'll never admit to it. The OP asked a question, I responded. SMH or whateva you deem it to be, I think its ridiculous to denigrate a person's preferences as crazy just because it does not fit yours. I will not pander to anyone on a message board just becasue he/she is LSD obsessed or has a lifetime membership.
Someone mentioned that we have a "LOOONG" way to go, but I bet no one would chastise you if you turn down a guy with no eyes and amputated legs would they? You wouldnt admit it but deep inside you know you would prefer to date able bodied men, probably one with a crest smile, to make it worse, preferrably one with a college degree eh? I see nothing wrong with me having preferences. I'll say it again, I'm as black as coal and I like them light skinned, no matter what race. Its life, deal with it.
We're not accepting this CHANGE UP in the rules. Period. American presidents have been in the bed with organized crime, corporate pilferers, and the like for years. And all u want to put on this man is that his pastor said "Gotdamn America?" Hell, America.U got off pretty damn well, if you ask me...

Sparkz1920

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Re: BLACK LOVE
« Reply #46 on: July 25, 2007, 08:37:15 PM »
I didn't think that this thread would be too popular amongst the women of BLSD. 

Care to elaborate? I'm interested. ;)

I'm not sure what Pulchritudinous is implying with the landmine analogy but the woman on here tend to shake their heads at ignorant or blanketed statements and  several have occured in this thread.


Yes I would marry a mixed woman, as a matter of fact if I was in love I'd marry a woman totally outside of my race. Do I feel that there are plenty of deserving African-American women that I should look towards first to marry? Well in a way yes. I love my sisters and I know that sometimes it can be a little difficult for them to find a black man at or above their level, but I don't feel I'm obligated to do so because of that. I've experienced women from every major race and a few different nationalities, and while they were definitely interesting experiences, I definitely feel that special connection with my black sisters.

I thought this next one was flame, at first. ???

I'm as black as coal and I like them light skinned, no matter what race.

I'm black, but people think I'm mixed because I'm fair-skinned. I do have Indian in my family though, lol!!

When I see black men with women who aren't black, I don't have a problem with it, although my black girlfriends always seem to. I think it's silly. I remember getting looks and comments from black men when I dated the white guys too.


Why? Why not dark skinned or brown skinned women. Ive met many darker sisters who look better than some lightskinned sisters. But i suppose you'd choose the lightskinned one because she is light right?


I'm afraid you're right. I would but not blindly. I wont jump on a chick just cos she's light skinned, she would still have to pass some basic tests. I would not pass up a brilliant dark skinned woman over a dumb light skinned chick, I just mean that in a situation where all things remain equal, I would opt for the light skinned one. No disrespect to my dark sistas, I still love and respect 'em, just would rather have a light skinned one with me. I have three sisters, one is lightskinned and the other two are beautiful dark skinned women but do I love one more than the other cos she's light skinned and the other is not? No. But on the romantic side, thats just what I'm attracted to. My mom's light skinned, some folks say that's got something to do with it, I dont believe 'em. For some reason I just like 'em better.


From here, I SMH and digress.

Oh well. My statements were neither ignorant nor blanketed, as I was speaking from my own personal experience. If anything, the reactions from people I described in my posts were what I would shake my head at.

Interesting subject matter though. I like the outspoken nature of some of the posts, though I do not agree with everything said.

I wonder why people are being so tight-lipped about what they think anyway.  These seem like the types of issues we should address and try to understand why people think the way they do, and perhaps offer them some insight into a different point of view, especially if their statements seem ignorant or appalling(sp?).

I agree

and mine was merely a question. I wanted to see if he had the same mentality as some people on this other message board i'm on. Because sure enough, no matter how pretty the darker sista is, they will choose the lighter sista, even if the darker one is pretty, based soley on her being lightskinned. I really think its sad. House negroes and field negroes. We need to get over that seriously. Not saying i dont have my preferences in men, but i would never exclude one over the other because of skin tone. I just dont work that way

Black as coal. Lol. I think he has some insecurities within himself for even beginning the sentence with that

No, thats where you jump the gun my friend. That was only a hyperbole meant to butress the point that two opposite things could be attractive to each other. You know what I find funny about this board? people seem to think that just cos your post count is high, for some esoteric reason, you are more intelligent, more eloquent and your views automatically supercede that of someone with 10 or less than 100 posts, and so anyone with a lesser number of posts is deemed ignorant/stupid. That is preposterous. I like hot topics, I enjoy them and if this thread is classified as one, more grease to your elbow BLSD. Many have used the term "insecure" to describe my preferences but none of you have been able to provide credible justification for it. What is wrong with a man being candid about his preferences? Oh I forgot, we live in a dont ask, dont tell culture. We all do it but we'll never admit to it. The OP asked a question, I responded. SMH or whateva you deem it to be, I think its ridiculous to denigrate a person's preferences as crazy just because it does not fit yours. I will not pander to anyone on a message board just becasue he/she is LSD obsessed or has a lifetime membership.
Someone mentioned that we have a "LOOONG" way to go, but I bet no one would chastise you if you turn down a guy with no eyes and amputated legs would they? You wouldnt admit it but deep inside you know you would prefer to date able bodied men, probably one with a crest smile, to make it worse, preferrably one with a college degree eh? I see nothing wrong with me having preferences. I'll say it again, I'm as black as coal and I like them light skinned, no matter what race. Its life, deal with it.


Not when you said you would choose the lightskinned girl over the darker sister, even though she may be prettier than the lightskinned sister. Thats why i as sensing some insecurities on your part. It just seems like you're saying the darker sister isnt good enought for you. But my bad i guess. I just think its stupid.

I have my preference as ive said before, but if the darker one is more atteactive, then thats who i may choose and vice versa. I dont base all my prferences on the opposite sex with skin tone. Id miss out on a good thing if i did


hushpuppy

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Re: BLACK LOVE
« Reply #47 on: July 25, 2007, 08:51:23 PM »
in the words of Comissioned.. (partly edited)

"that someone is meeeee... that sum umm one ii-is meeeee..." ordinary just won't do i need a love that's real and true i... *ahem* :-[ anyway got lost in the moment for a sec ;D

we definitely have a long way to go... you're sitting there saying you like light skinned women better on the sole basis that they're light.. and you see nothing wrong with that? ok sure we all have preferences.. but to sit down and say a good woman who's dark skinned isn't good enough because she's dark is dare i say again crazy to me.. it has nothing to do with being PC or "dont ask don't tell" as you say.. it just brings back all of the antiquated issues that our grandparents and their parents... and their parents parents had to deal with... for the sake of this discussion it just appears that one is better than the other in your eyes and that just doesn't sit too well with me..

and we're talking apple and oranges here..

you cannot compare a physical impairment to skin color wtf?

as for the whole babble regarding folks with high post counts or whatever..dude give me a break.. it's not that serious.. no one's separating folks by post counts on here... the bottom line is that there's been a pattern - SPECIFICALLY ON BLSD- where people have created threads with these type of questions or other race related questions and then bounced off of the board.. there have been many many "flames" that have come and gone who've attempted to rile up the negroes with inflammatory posts... and that was my point regarding the whole 10 post matter..

now the whole folks think they're smarter mess.. maybe that's a personal issue you're dealing with over there because i don't see where anyone has said or alluded to that..

and i see you over there trying to flex your intellectual muscles :D.. instead of simply saying reason.. you had to throw in esoteric reason.. does that make u feel better? wiser smarter? seriously.. it's not that deep.. :D


No, thats where you jump the gun my friend. That was only a hyperbole meant to butress the point that two opposite things could be attractive to each other. You know what I find funny about this board? people seem to think that just cos your post count is high, for some esoteric reason, you are more intelligent, more eloquent and your views automatically supercede that of someone with 10 or less than 100 posts, and so anyone with a lesser number of posts is deemed ignorant/stupid. That is preposterous. I like hot topics, I enjoy them and if this thread is classified as one, more grease to your elbow BLSD. Many have used the term "insecure" to describe my preferences but none of you have been able to provide credible justification for it. What is wrong with a man being candid about his preferences? Oh I forgot, we live in a dont ask, dont tell culture. We all do it but we'll never admit to it. The OP asked a question, I responded. SMH or whateva you deem it to be, I think its ridiculous to denigrate a person's preferences as crazy just because it does not fit yours. I will not pander to anyone on a message board just becasue he/she is LSD obsessed or has a lifetime membership.
Someone mentioned that we have a "LOOONG" way to go, but I bet no one would chastise you if you turn down a guy with no eyes and amputated legs would they? You wouldnt admit it but deep inside you know you would prefer to date able bodied men, probably one with a crest smile, to make it worse, preferrably one with a college degree eh? I see nothing wrong with me having preferences. I'll say it again, I'm as black as coal and I like them light skinned, no matter what race. Its life, deal with it.

Aaight, I appreciate you saying that, I didnt think it was too. As for esoteric, c'mon now, you know thats no big word.  ;) It was just something I sensed. I think I can see where the light skinned/dark skinned issue can be really torchy, and I'm not ignorant of that. Sure, black folks we have so many important issues to deal with and this shouldnt be one of 'em right now but unfortunately it is. I guess its just really difficult (from what I've read so far on the thread)to find a common ground between individual thinking/wants especially on an issue that has been a constant source of agitation for black folks. I really dont think one is better than the other (light skinned or darkskinned) thus the reason I used my own siblings as examples in the previous post. Perhaps I inadvertently made it sound that way but that was never what I meant. 
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LadyKD

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Re: BLACK LOVE
« Reply #48 on: July 25, 2007, 08:53:28 PM »
in the words of Comissioned.. (partly edited)

"that someone is meeeee... that sum umm one ii-is meeeee..." ordinary just won't do i need a love that's real and true i... *ahem* :-[ anyway got lost in the moment for a sec ;D

we definitely have a long way to go... you're sitting there saying you like light skinned women better on the sole basis that they're light.. and you see nothing wrong with that? ok sure we all have preferences.. but to sit down and say a good woman who's dark skinned isn't good enough because she's dark is dare i say again crazy to me.. it has nothing to do with being PC or "dont ask don't tell" as you say.. it just brings back all of the antiquated issues that our grandparents and their parents... and their parents parents had to deal with... for the sake of this discussion it just appears that one is better than the other in your eyes and that just doesn't sit too well with me..

and we're talking apple and oranges here..

you cannot compare a physical impairment to skin color wtf?

as for the whole babble regarding folks with high post counts or whatever..dude give me a break.. it's not that serious.. no one's separating folks by post counts on here... the bottom line is that there's been a pattern - SPECIFICALLY ON BLSD- where people have created threads with these type of questions or other race related questions and then bounced off of the board.. there have been many many "flames" that have come and gone who've attempted to rile up the negroes with inflammatory posts... and that was my point regarding the whole 10 post matter..

now the whole folks think they're smarter mess.. maybe that's a personal issue you're dealing with over there because i don't see where anyone has said or alluded to that..

and i see you over there trying to flex your intellectual muscles :D.. instead of simply saying reason.. you had to throw in esoteric reason.. does that make u feel better? wiser smarter? seriously.. it's not that deep.. :D


No, thats where you jump the gun my friend. That was only a hyperbole meant to butress the point that two opposite things could be attractive to each other. You know what I find funny about this board? people seem to think that just cos your post count is high, for some esoteric reason, you are more intelligent, more eloquent and your views automatically supercede that of someone with 10 or less than 100 posts, and so anyone with a lesser number of posts is deemed ignorant/stupid. That is preposterous. I like hot topics, I enjoy them and if this thread is classified as one, more grease to your elbow BLSD. Many have used the term "insecure" to describe my preferences but none of you have been able to provide credible justification for it. What is wrong with a man being candid about his preferences? Oh I forgot, we live in a dont ask, dont tell culture. We all do it but we'll never admit to it. The OP asked a question, I responded. SMH or whateva you deem it to be, I think its ridiculous to denigrate a person's preferences as crazy just because it does not fit yours. I will not pander to anyone on a message board just becasue he/she is LSD obsessed or has a lifetime membership.
Someone mentioned that we have a "LOOONG" way to go, but I bet no one would chastise you if you turn down a guy with no eyes and amputated legs would they? You wouldnt admit it but deep inside you know you would prefer to date able bodied men, probably one with a crest smile, to make it worse, preferrably one with a college degree eh? I see nothing wrong with me having preferences. I'll say it again, I'm as black as coal and I like them light skinned, no matter what race. Its life, deal with it.

Aaight, I appreciate you saying that, I didnt think it was too. As for esoteric, c'mon now, you know thats no big word.  ;) It was just something I sensed. I think I can see where the light skinned/dark skinned issue can be really torchy, and I'm not ignorant of that. Sure, black folks we have so many important issues to deal with and this shouldnt be one of 'em right now but unfortunately it is. I guess its just really difficult (from what I've read so far on the thread)to find a common ground between individual thinking/wants among black folks when placed alongside a mightier group (a whole race) most especially on an issue that has been a constant source of agitation for black folks.


wtf???

justGem

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Re: BLACK LOVE
« Reply #49 on: July 25, 2007, 09:09:04 PM »

Fair enough, if these are indeed the opinions of all of your black female friends.  My experience are in stark contrast to this.  I have not been in the company of anyone who cares one way or the other.  Most feel as though the men who express such preferences do us a favor by wearing his "issues" on his sleeve. i.e. "Glad to know you are NOT my type from the jump"

Maybe that's where you misunderstood. I never said ALL of my black female friends have a problem. MOST do, but some don't. But for the ones that do, they share the same sentiment you mentioned, which is that they feel the brotha has some "issue" with who he is because he has a preference.

And it could be true that some brothas do have hang-ups, but not all. And making the statement that a brotha has "issues" for having a preference for dating outside his race/lighter people (sorry, couldn't think of any other way to say it) is just as ignorant when that may not be the case.

Either which way, I don't understand the bitterness some black women feel over it, it's like they take it personally or feel like the man is rejecting ALL black women.

ETA: My previous posts were referring to dating outside of one's race.
That is a separate issue from skin color preferences within our culture, which is what seems to be causing all the fuss.
[/quote]

Well Cali, I think we are 2 ships passing in the night in this argument. ;) Indeed I misquoted your "most" for "all".  And I think you are misinterpreting what I mean by "issue"(bolded).  I wasnt referring to any "deep rooted intrinsic" issues - though we know these exist in this scenarion too.  But the base issue that if person A has a preference to not date within category B and I am of category B, an issue stands between our connection.

As for the second bolded. The sentiment I express is more akin to apathy than bitterness.