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Author Topic: PRENUP - why is it such a sore topic?  (Read 15226 times)

Alamo

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Re: PRENUP - why is it such a sore topic?
« Reply #250 on: July 16, 2007, 04:04:05 PM »
1) I'm not sure how you draw your conclusion that divorces are more common than married-for-life scenarios.  Unfortunately, there don't seem to be any good statistics on what percentage of marriages end in divorce.  Whatever the actual percentage is, it's skewed upwards by people who marry more than once.  I have no idea how you come to the conclusion that divorce is more common than marriage.  I beg to be enlightened.
49% of American marriages end in divorce. Some people marry more than once. It's a mathematical certainty that divorces outnumber marriage-for-life, unless every single marriage that doesn't end in a divorce is a first marriage. We know for a fact that many of these are 2nd, 3rd or "worse" marriages, thus it's proven.

From where do you get 49%?
I must admit that I may have been infected with society's prejudices and predilections and attributed them to God . . . and that in years hence I may be seen as someone who was on the wrong side of history.  I don't believe such doubts make me a bad Christian.  I believe they make me human . . .

Elephant Lee

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Re: PRENUP - why is it such a sore topic?
« Reply #251 on: July 16, 2007, 04:04:23 PM »
Apparently Heather Mahar was on The Amazing Race.  :D
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Re: PRENUP - why is it such a sore topic?
« Reply #252 on: July 16, 2007, 04:08:06 PM »
From where do you get 49%?

Some ranking of countries sorted by chance of divorce, USA placed 5th with 49%. That being said the 49% or "close to 50%" is cited so many places I doubt it will be difficult to have it confirmed.

What I really found interesting is that only approximately 10% of the population believe a divorce will happen to them. Then again, I was quite surprised with your confidence in your marriage as well.

Alamo

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Re: PRENUP - why is it such a sore topic?
« Reply #253 on: July 16, 2007, 04:19:01 PM »
From where do you get 49%?

Some ranking of countries sorted by chance of divorce, USA placed 5th with 49%. That being said the 49% or "close to 50%" is cited so many places I doubt it will be difficult to have it confirmed.

What I really found interesting is that only approximately 10% of the population believe a divorce will happen to them. Then again, I was quite surprised with your confidence in your marriage as well.

Citing a number quoted over and over again on internet message boards doesn't make it scientific.

And I don't think it's surprising that people don't think divorce would happen to them.  Why would you want to enter into a marriage that you believed might end in divorce?  Many of these people are deluding themselves, or are simply not thinking it through. 

It is possible to think through (with your brain) the decision of getting married and consciously decide that a prenup undermines the foundation of marriage not to be worth it (particularly since prenups can often be challenged in court anyway). 

I am very confident in my marriage.  I would never want to be part of a marriage in which I was anything less than confident, and I'm not sure why anyone else would, either.


http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm

Interesting.  To cherry-pick a stat that supports my underlying principles, take a look at the number of marriages in Nevada (in the last table): 4th highest of any state in the country.

I must admit that I may have been infected with society's prejudices and predilections and attributed them to God . . . and that in years hence I may be seen as someone who was on the wrong side of history.  I don't believe such doubts make me a bad Christian.  I believe they make me human . . .

Elephant Lee

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Re: PRENUP - why is it such a sore topic?
« Reply #254 on: July 16, 2007, 04:25:32 PM »
Quote
ETA: Other substantial things that have been completely ignored in this thread:
-Does a prenup make a divorce less contentious or damaging (financially, emotionally, etc.)?
-Does a prenup make the outcome more fair/equitable?
Well, the answer to those two questions would obviously be yes, since that's exactly what a prenup does. I'm not even going to bother to google this for anecdotal evidence :)
That's a huge assumption. That's the INTENTION of a prenup. The result is not clear. For instance:.
http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20041111-000003.html

Anyway, I found Mahar's paper. http://www.law.harvard.edu/programs/olin_center/papers/pdf/436.pdf

Not sure if she has another one, but the only statistical analysis involves surveying people about what they believe their chances of divorce are. Nothing to do with whether prenup increases the chances that I could find.
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Re: PRENUP - why is it such a sore topic?
« Reply #255 on: July 16, 2007, 04:32:19 PM »
Citing a number quoted over and over again on internet message boards doesn't make it scientific.
True, but since it was confirmed (at least very closely) by statistical evidence, I guess it's still good enough.

Quote
And I don't think it's surprising that people don't think divorce would happen to them.  Why would you want to enter into a marriage that you believed might end in divorce?
Because I believe people generally and intelligent and reflective and consider also the unwanted outcomes when making a decision. I know I'm putting a lot of faith in "people", but that's how I am. The same way I know that driving might lead to a car crash. I chose to do it because the reward of driving outweighs the risk of being hit by a truck. I like to think people getting married are realistic enough to make the same risk versus reward consideration. If you truly love someone, 50% chance of success would be worth taking. Although, with precautions.

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Many of these people are deluding themselves, or are simply not thinking it through.
I'd argue all of them, but good enough. I don't think there's a single married couple in the world who shouldn't even consider the possibility of a divorce.

Quote
It is possible to think through (with your brain) the decision of getting married and consciously decide that a prenup undermines the foundation of marriage not to be worth it (particularly since prenups can often be challenged in court anyway).
Yes it is, but I firmly believe it to be an unwise decision. If the prenup has to go to court you can only image how messy the divorce would be without one.

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I am very confident in my marriage.  I would never want to be part of a marriage in which I was anything less than confident, and I'm not sure why anyone else would, either.
I agree, confident is good. Blind confidence isn't. You should believe that the marriage would last. You should, however, not totally disregard the chances that it might not.


Elephant Lee

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Re: PRENUP - why is it such a sore topic?
« Reply #256 on: July 16, 2007, 04:56:46 PM »
This was my country
This frightful and this angry land

"I guess she was a hooker, that makes sense, those shorts didn't really look all that comfortable." -Dash

GraphiteDirigible

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Happy colored marbles that are rolling in my head
I put 'em back in the jacket of the one I love
Carry that velvet sack full of pretty colored marbles
And I'll ask you for 'em back, when I'm ready and done

Elephant Lee

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Re: PRENUP - why is it such a sore topic?
« Reply #258 on: July 16, 2007, 05:04:24 PM »
I saw that as well.  :D
This was my country
This frightful and this angry land

"I guess she was a hooker, that makes sense, those shorts didn't really look all that comfortable." -Dash

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Re: PRENUP - why is it such a sore topic?
« Reply #259 on: July 16, 2007, 05:05:07 PM »
"And these days, with divorce rates skyrocketing and so many brutally mercenary women out there who think that they're entitled to your hard-earned money..."

I just found a new favorite website.