Law School Discussion

Nine Years of Discussion
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Poll

Are stay-at-home mothers with  graduate degrees conscientious caretakers or the downfall of equality in the workforce?

Educated stay-at-home mothers raise educated kids, benefiting society
 28 (35.4%)
Mothers should work part-time if possible
 10 (12.7%)
Mothers should be full-time 3-6 months after birth
 6 (7.6%)
Anything less than full-time is a detriment to all women and society
 5 (6.3%)
Doesn't affect society or equality either way
 30 (38%)

Total Members Voted: 79

Author Topic: The Mommy Wars for J.D.s  (Read 15704 times)

queencruella

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Re: The Mommy Wars for J.D.s
« Reply #120 on: August 15, 2007, 11:16:49 AM »
They just flat out say they want to find a nice husband and become a housewife. They're still competing for the same jobs because it's not like they have their husbands lined up by the end of 1L, so that theory doesn't fly at all.

Wanting to stay home eventually is different from going to law/grad school with the sole purpose of meeting a spouse, though. I've met women who want to marry, work for five or so years after their grad schooling, then have kids, and then decide either to stay home permanently or go back to work when any kids are in school. I think that's a little different than straight up committing to an expensive series of degrees with domesticity only in mind.

Your classmates may be the latter, though, in which case I still find it a puzzling choice based on the amount of debt and/or payment, time, intellectual & physical stress, etc. Wish one of them would post, although I don't know if any such person would "come out" on LSD.

There are both types at my school. I don't mind the former at all but there are lots of women who seem to have no desire whatsoever to practice law. It's possible that they came to the conclusion after starting law school, but I don't know why you'd go through the full three years if you realized it really wasn't what you wanted after the first semester. They may have a lot of financial support from their parents as well.

MachuPicchu

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Re: The Mommy Wars for J.D.s
« Reply #121 on: August 15, 2007, 11:20:05 AM »
No, of course schools can't force them to stay in the workplace.

I was talking about society, but we can include schools in that, too.


(I'm thinking here of a controversial survey of female Yale undergraduates that appeared in the NY Times a while back).

I remember that survey. This goes back, I think, to my italicized point about the very foundations of society needing to shift in order for women to not feel like such a choice is necessary. I don't know what each Yale undergrad was thinking, but I can imagine that the current climate in many U.S. places of employment--severely limited maternal and often non-existent paternal leave; over-reliance on the same full-time workers instead of a variety of part-timers, high-priced child-care, etc.--in part fuels the drive for one to leave the workplace in favor of offspring.

Major changes on both the social program/employer level and on the level of each individual couple (more couples choosing for the husband to take on childcare duties) will be needed to get us to the point where all or many young female grads no longer feel compelled to stay home to do right by their kids. Then women staying home will become just what it is: a choice as little charged as whether to have lima beans or bok choy for dinner.

On a happier note, I saw a Pampers ad the other day in which the caregiver was male and in jeans. On a sadder note, this was so rare as to make me happy.

And I don't like the idea that the eventual decision about whether to work or not is only "HER choice." If women deserve to have a choice in this, shouldn't men? 

I used "her" as a proxy for she and her male partner. Hopefully, both will have agreed on the subject.

saradsun

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Re: The Mommy Wars for J.D.s
« Reply #122 on: August 15, 2007, 02:59:14 PM »
I really like what you've said MachuPicchu.

I'm betting I have a much different life experience than most or all of the other participants in this thread. I am the mother of 5 kids. And I've been a stay at home mother most of my post-college life. And my decision to stay home both times (I have 2 "shifts" of kids, my first three are teens, my last two toddlers) has been exactly what you've said above, I really didn't feel I had much choice. When I had my first three too close together, well I couldn't afford daycare to three. How could I work? I quit my job after my 4th because I'm one of those militant breastfeeders, and working 9 hours a day plus an hour each way commute just wasn't going to work. If I could've taken 9 or 12 months off, I would've chosen that instead. Now I'm back in the "can't afford" to work category. So I figured, wtf, I'll take the lsat.  :-X

I'll tell you, I'm really really ready to not be at home anymore.

eta: This was not how I expected  my life would go. I probably would've been voted least likely to have kids in high school. I used to say that my (first) husband would be a better mother than I. I was completely blindsided by my own reaction after having my first child.

MachuPicchu

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Re: The Mommy Wars for J.D.s
« Reply #123 on: August 15, 2007, 05:01:13 PM »
saradsun, thanks for sharing your experiences. And good luck on LSAT if you've not already taken it.

MachuPicchu

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Re: The Mommy Wars for J.D.s
« Reply #124 on: August 15, 2007, 05:02:32 PM »
Even when I was purportedly "just a SAHM," I was using my education for my benefit, not just my kids (in my case, I've edited a relatively successful blog on politics, autism and Indian issues for the last five years.)  Plus I ran for office, worked on a number of campaigns, sat on a state-level panel on reducing childhood lead poisoning, created and maintained a large organic garden, counseled local environmental organizations on mercury contamination, personally renovated my 1913 house (including plumbing, wiring, framing,) etc., etc.

This is why I like the Non-Trad forum.

saradsun

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Re: The Mommy Wars for J.D.s
« Reply #125 on: August 15, 2007, 05:36:24 PM »
MBW, good to know I'm not alone. I have also thought that I'm going to be more ready at 40 than I would have previously. I visit a mothers' forum where there is a small contingent of lawyer moms and they are just starting having kids after or during law school and they seem so conflicted. I don't think I'm going to feel that way now, though I definitely would've if I'd tried to do this any sooner.

I didn't do anything near as illustrious during my years at home. I kept some foster kids, did some quilting, got a computer certification, took some trips, took some classes in a master's program I didn't care for (public administration), learned to flame people on the internet, then learned to refrain from doing so.    ;)

Thanks Maccu, I'm taking it in September.

andy1990

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Re: The Mommy Wars for J.D.s
« Reply #126 on: October 05, 2007, 06:57:45 AM »
MBW,

Your a total hoot. Your right about the JD mom's not sitting home,if we are for the time being,it's probably temporary and our minds are still going a mile a minute-lol