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Author Topic: Memoirs of a Bar Examinee  (Read 92376 times)

Burning Sands, Esq.

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Re: Memoirs of a Bar Examinee
« Reply #720 on: July 14, 2008, 10:17:21 AM »
Something forwarded to me that you bar takers will appreciate:


> Alright, having just had my ass rocked by the friggen simulated MBE (despite scoring outrageously high on all the practice sets, I might add!), I thought I'd come up with a little list of things that are pissing me off about this Barbri bull.  I am sick to death of the following things in the fact patterns:

> 1. People who don't record their deeds:

> Hey.  @#!* face.  That's a nice deed you got there.  Went ahead and bought Stankacre, didya?  That's awesome.  Owning property is a sign of real maturity.  Now, why don't you do us all a f-ing favor, and go record the f-ing deed.

> Right. f-ing. Now.

> Don't put it in a goddamn drawer.  Don't go off to India for 20 years.  Don't leave the deed in your will for dear cousin Victorianox.

> Get your fat lazy ass down to the records office, and record it before I burn your goddamn house down.

> 2:  Wily property sellers:

> Here is a suggestion to those Bill of Rights violatin' petty thug ass clowns, the Police.  How about you go down to Doucheacre, and arrest the son of a female dog who sells the same house to 15 different people, over and over.  Im sick of this guy getting away every time he pulls this *&^%, and I'm left to sort out the f-ing pieces.

> 3: "Known" arsonists

> Here's a little tip to all the cretins that keep hiring "known" arsonists to burn down their cheating girlfriend's house.  Why is it, do you think, that he is a known arsonist, you dipshit.  He's known because he has been f-ing caught before.  You don't know who the good arsonists are, do you!  Because they have their *&^% together.

> But no, you had to go hire Dusseldorf, or Durango, or whatever D word your fuckwit moron arsonist is named, and now he's gone and burned the wrong house, and left me with a BAR question.

> 4: People who back out of conspiracies

> Why don't you just stick with it and save us all some trouble, you female private part.

> 5.  Power companies that leave an electric wire live to deter copper theft

> While I appreciate your effort to rid the world of thieves stupid enough to try and steal raw copper wiring that's f-ing humming and has blue arcs dancing on it, it's just gonna bite you in the ass in the end.  Just let the copper go you cheap fucks.

> 6. Fertile Octogenarians

> I think I speak for all of us when I say........Burn the witch!

> Burn her!

> And don't use a "known" arsonist!

> 7.  People who use anything more complicated than Fee Simple Absolute in a will

> Hey, old man.  Either give Horatio your f-ing interest in Scroteacre, or don't, alright?  Don't condition it on him growing a mustache, or learning to play the calliope, or winning "Dancing with the Stars."  Don't grant a springing executive interest to Zenobia if she manages to graduate from Ninja academy.

> Stop making my life more complicated than it needs to be, you Narcissistic old twat, and stop trying to control your property from the grave in a vain attempt to make up for your feebleness in life.

> 8.  House Painters

> Just paint the f-ing house yourself, Paulson.

> Trust me on this one.  It's not worth it.

> 9.  Bank Mortgages

> Hi there, First National Bank of South Calizonachussettsas.  I don't mean to tell you how to run your business, but allow me to impart a bit of sage wisdom.

> When someone :

> 1)    named Defaultina McBankrupstein,

> 2)    is taking out her 17th mortgage with you,

> 3)    on a place called Mushacre

> 4)    so she can buy a new hat,

> ?.do NOT f-ing come crying to me when the inevitable judicial foreclosure sale nets $34, a button, and some lint, all of which are devoured by the banks that are 20 miles ahead of you in creditor line.

> And do not ask me whether you are a junior or senior mortgagor, or whether you debt is secured, or some other bull I don't understand, because the answer is always the same.

> D)  You are screwed.   Take it like a man.

> 10.  Wanna-be Burglars

> I am sick to death of these slackjawed melon-heads deciding at 2 a.m. that they need to borrow their neighbors wrench, and are sure he "won't mind" if they saunter on over there in the middle of the night, crowbar the garage open, smash open his tool chest, and "borrow it."  And then always the inevitable f-ing:

> Did he commit Larceny/Burglary/Robbery??????  Ohhhhh, no intent!

> Let him go, boys.  Let the man go.

> So I can throw the wrench right at his goddamn teeth.

> Good thing when we are really in practice we will have these Intent Goggles (c), that can magically tell us, despite every bit of evidence to the contrary, this jackass really didn't intend to commit a crime. He genuinely thought that breaking into your neighbor's house, stealing his car, taking a *&^% on his pool table, and sleeping with his wife were all part of the social covenants between good neighbors.

>

> Alright.  Anyway.  Needed to get that off my chest.  Cheers,

>

>  - Roberto
"A lawyer's either a social engineer or a parasite on society. A social engineer is a highly skilled...lawyer who understands the Constitution of the U.S. and knows how to explore its uses in the solving of problems of local communities and in bettering [our] conditions."
Charles H. Houston

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Re: Memoirs of a Bar Examinee
« Reply #721 on: July 14, 2008, 10:26:19 AM »
:D

Burning Sands, Esq.

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Re: Memoirs of a Bar Examinee
« Reply #722 on: July 28, 2008, 11:36:42 AM »
Good luck to everybody taking the Bar tomorrow.  I'm sure you'll do us proud.

"A lawyer's either a social engineer or a parasite on society. A social engineer is a highly skilled...lawyer who understands the Constitution of the U.S. and knows how to explore its uses in the solving of problems of local communities and in bettering [our] conditions."
Charles H. Houston

LittleRussianPrincess, Esq.

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Re: Memoirs of a Bar Examinee
« Reply #723 on: July 29, 2008, 11:46:59 AM »
YAY for soon-to-be lawyers. Good luck.
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Re: Memoirs of a Bar Examinee
« Reply #724 on: July 30, 2008, 11:31:59 AM »
So one of my homegirls is taking the NY bar exam as we speak, told me yesterday that when she came back from the lunch break there was one student with his head laid down on his desk napping hard.  The exam starts, this guy is still napping.

She looks over halfway through - still napping.

The gets up to leave just before they call time, this guy is STILL NAPPING!  The proctors never even so much as touched the guy.  They gathered around him at one point, but nobody nudged him to say "hey, guy, you know there's a bar exam going on right now right?"

Wow.  Just wow.
"A lawyer's either a social engineer or a parasite on society. A social engineer is a highly skilled...lawyer who understands the Constitution of the U.S. and knows how to explore its uses in the solving of problems of local communities and in bettering [our] conditions."
Charles H. Houston

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Re: Memoirs of a Bar Examinee
« Reply #725 on: July 30, 2008, 12:07:02 PM »
So one of my homegirls is taking the NY bar exam as we speak, told me yesterday that when she came back from the lunch break there was one student with his head laid down on his desk napping hard.  The exam starts, this guy is still napping.

She looks over halfway through - still napping.

The gets up to leave just before they call time, this guy is STILL NAPPING!  The proctors never even so much as touched the guy.  They gathered around him at one point, but nobody nudged him to say "hey, guy, you know there's a bar exam going on right now right?"

Wow.  Just wow.

Seems crazy. Maybe the guy was sick. I can't believe they didn't check on him.

As someone who passes out relatively frequently (low blood sugar), I don't find stories like this comforting!
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Burning Sands, Esq.

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Re: Memoirs of a Bar Examinee
« Reply #726 on: July 30, 2008, 02:55:24 PM »
So one of my homegirls is taking the NY bar exam as we speak, told me yesterday that when she came back from the lunch break there was one student with his head laid down on his desk napping hard.  The exam starts, this guy is still napping.

She looks over halfway through - still napping.

The gets up to leave just before they call time, this guy is STILL NAPPING!  The proctors never even so much as touched the guy.  They gathered around him at one point, but nobody nudged him to say "hey, guy, you know there's a bar exam going on right now right?"

Wow.  Just wow.

Seems crazy. Maybe the guy was sick. I can't believe they didn't check on him.

As someone who passes out relatively frequently (low blood sugar), I don't find stories like this comforting!

Yeah that's crazy. I'd be madder than two mafuckas.  But then again, I can't sleep when I know that I have to get up for something serious.  My body won't let me - I'll keep waking up every 5 minutes for no reason. 

The night before the bar exam I threw in a movie and tried to relax b/c I usually fall asleep to the TV being on.  No chance!  Stayed up through the whole damn thing like a kid on Christmas Eve.
"A lawyer's either a social engineer or a parasite on society. A social engineer is a highly skilled...lawyer who understands the Constitution of the U.S. and knows how to explore its uses in the solving of problems of local communities and in bettering [our] conditions."
Charles H. Houston

LittleRussianPrincess, Esq.

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Re: Memoirs of a Bar Examinee
« Reply #727 on: July 30, 2008, 02:59:21 PM »
So one of my homegirls is taking the NY bar exam as we speak, told me yesterday that when she came back from the lunch break there was one student with his head laid down on his desk napping hard.  The exam starts, this guy is still napping.

She looks over halfway through - still napping.

The gets up to leave just before they call time, this guy is STILL NAPPING!  The proctors never even so much as touched the guy.  They gathered around him at one point, but nobody nudged him to say "hey, guy, you know there's a bar exam going on right now right?"

Wow.  Just wow.

Seems crazy. Maybe the guy was sick. I can't believe they didn't check on him.

As someone who passes out relatively frequently (low blood sugar), I don't find stories like this comforting!

Yeah that's crazy. I'd be madder than two mafuckas.  But then again, I can't sleep when I know that I have to get up for something serious.  My body won't let me - I'll keep waking up every 5 minutes for no reason. 

The night before the bar exam I threw in a movie and tried to relax b/c I usually fall asleep to the TV being on.  No chance!  Stayed up through the whole damn thing like a kid on Christmas Eve.

Right, which is what makes me think there may have been something wrong with this dude.
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Re: Memoirs of a Bar Examinee
« Reply #728 on: July 31, 2008, 12:48:53 AM »
Thanks for the well wishes.  Glad this *&^% is over.  Full report tomorrow. (but can you guys believe the earthquake during the CA exam??  My stories won't be nearly as good!  http://abovethelaw.com/2008/07/breaking_earthquake_hits_calif.php)

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Re: Memoirs of a Bar Examinee
« Reply #729 on: July 31, 2008, 10:40:56 AM »
Alci's overview of the July 2008 (non-NY) Bar Exam:

Day 1: Essays

They told us to arrive by 8 a.m.  I got there at 7 a.m., then went across the street to grab breakfast and watch people stream in.  Went back to my car around 7:30 and looked over notes.  Lined up around 7:50, and they let us in at 8 a.m.

8-9 a.m.: Set up my computer, made sure the software worked, wished people good luck, milled about

9 a.m.: the exam starts.  But it takes them a good 45 mins to read all of the instructions to us and for them to get everyoneís computers up and running so we could all start at the same time.  They had an army of tech support people, so they were able to resolve all of the issues.  Still, there were over 1200 people in the room, and some bar examines are surprisingly computer illiterate, so it took a while.  I do wonder if anyone ended up having to hand write, since that was the fallback option if your computer didnít work/stopped working.

9:45-12:45: wrote essays.  They tested ish that hasnít been tested in years.  But I never put much faith in those testing frequency charts.  Everything thing is game, so I studied everything.  I think I said something competent for each essay.

12:45-2: lunch.  We had to turn in our USB drives before we could go to lunch, so that cut lunch time by about 15 mins.  I used some of my westlaw points (all of them, actually, since I basically only use Lexis) to buy a cooler.  Wise investment.  I went to Subway the night before to get a sandwich, which I kept in my cooler in the trunk of my car.  Other people were scrambling to find stuff to eat.  Interestingly, a lot of the in-state law schools had lunch areas set up for their students.  I was almost jealous.  I also reviewed some notes of the subjects that are always tested, but hadnít come up in the morning session.

2 p.m.: same long instructions and same problems with people getting set up.

2:45-5:45: more essays.  I really could not imagine handwriting all of these.  One had 7 parts, and we only had 36 mins to answer it.

5:45: turn in USB drives and pack up

6 p.m.: done.  Finally.

That night, I went out with some of my classmates and coworkers from the prior summer to celebrate being halfway done.  Some people went back to their hotels and crammed some more for the MBE.  I didnít think that would do me any good at that point, and in retrospect, it wouldnít have.  That said, before I went to sleep, I did look over my attack line and the CMR charts listing the elements of offenses and torts.

Day 2: MBE

We had to be at the testing center by 8:30.  At this point, I was over the whole arriving early thing.  My hotel had free breakfast, so I got a waffle and looked over my MBE attack outline.  Got to the testing center around 8:15.

9 a.m.: they read the instructions and we filled out the scantrons.  The instructions for the MBE were the first time that Iíve ever found such instructions useful, so Iíd recommend reading them.  For instance, they said to assume pure comparative negligence.  Maybe I missed the part in BarBri where they said to do so, but Iím glad I read the instructions and found out before the exam.  There was a question that assumed knowledge of that very fact.

The proctorís microphone died toward the end of the instructions.  He tried yelling.  That obviously didnít work in a room big enough to seat 1200 people.  I thought they would just yell ďbegin!Ē...but they didnít, and we had to wait for them to fix the microphone.

9:30: start the morning session.  This mofo was tricky.  Some were straight gimmes.  Others used terms Iíd never seen in the practice questions.  Others were toss-ups in terms of the right answer.  I made educated guesses and moved on.

12:30-2 p.m.: lunch.  Same deal as the previous day.  The break was too long and I wanted to get this ish over.

2 p.m.: same instructions and forms

2:20-5:20: they finally got their ish together and we started fairly quickly.  The afternoon session was much less tricky, though still required some educated guessing.  Property was a female dog.  Lots of parole evidence.  But people just wanted to be done.  They started getting up and leaving with an hour left in the exam.  Iím never one to leave an exam early, though, so I went back and looked over my answers.

5:20: Done!  And everyone races to throw their answers in the tubs and leave.

That night, went out for a quick celebratory dinner and drink (yes, unfortunately singular), then drove home (leaving for home/vacation tomorrow, so I needed to get back).

Overall, it was about what I expected.  No huge surprises.  No good stories about earthquakes, people throwing up next to me, going crazy, etc.  Just some amusing faces as people read questions.