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Author Topic: Tell me your favorite lawyer jokes  (Read 197 times)

SilentSwirl

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Tell me your favorite lawyer jokes
« on: April 06, 2007, 12:30:30 AM »
Well, go on. Tell me.

I want to always be the person with the BEST lawyer joke. Haha.

Hank Rearden

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Re: Tell me your favorite lawyer jokes
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2007, 01:33:37 AM »
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
        A: Senator.

Q: Whatís the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
        A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
        A: Your honor.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
        A: His partners.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
        A: His lips are moving.

Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
        A: Not enough cement.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
        A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
        A: Chelsea Clinton

Q: If you have a bad lawyer, why not get a new one?
        A: Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
        A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.

Q: Whatís the difference between a shame and a pity?
        A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, thatís known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, thatís a shame.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech>
        A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.
CLS '10

The appropriateness of Perpetua would probably depend on the tone of the writing.  When I used it, I (half playfully) thought the extra space made the words sort of resonate.

Hank Rearden

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Re: Tell me your favorite lawyer jokes
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2007, 01:36:12 AM »
Mark Twain notes...
"It is interesting to note that criminals have multiplied of late, and lawyers have also; but I repeat myself."

Isn't it a shame how 99% of the lawyers give the whole profession a bad name.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
CLS '10

The appropriateness of Perpetua would probably depend on the tone of the writing.  When I used it, I (half playfully) thought the extra space made the words sort of resonate.

John Blackthorne

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Re: Tell me your favorite lawyer jokes
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2007, 03:57:58 AM »

why telling lawyer jokes is unproductive:

most lay people don't believe that they are jokes

and most lawyers don't think they are funny
"I only eat inorganic foods. If it doesn't contain molybdenum or something from the noble gases, I'm just not interested"-- Lyle McDonald

SilentSwirl

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Re: Tell me your favorite lawyer jokes
« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2007, 04:17:29 AM »
I <3 Hank. Thank you! Some I had heard, but several gave me a great chuckle. Hee hee hee..

Forest - Okay. I like lawyer jokes anyway.

More jokes please!