Law School Discussion

diversity statement opener

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Re: diversity statement opener
« Reply #10 on: September 15, 2004, 09:15:52 AM »
Passive voice is when something is being acted upon, rather than the subject of the sentence doing the action.  The opening sentence in that PS is sort of borderline, but usually the use of the verb "to be" (conjugated appropriately) in conjunction with another verb is an indicator that it's passive.

Example:

Not passive:  She wrote her personal statement yesterday.

Passive: The personal statement was written yesterday.  OR  The personal statement has been written.


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Re: diversity statement opener
« Reply #11 on: September 15, 2004, 09:16:56 AM »
I can't help it.  I am at the ass-end of a long line of elementary school English teachers.

Re: diversity statement opener
« Reply #12 on: September 15, 2004, 09:17:48 AM »
kgd2b1, do you think it sounds better now?

nathanielmark

Re: diversity statement opener
« Reply #13 on: September 15, 2004, 09:18:06 AM »
i think i have a real problem with this passiveness of voice.

TDPookie1

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Re: diversity statement opener
« Reply #14 on: September 15, 2004, 10:02:40 AM »
Get rid of passive voice in the 1st sentence.

ok, what the hell is passive voice?  i keep hearing this and have no idea what it is.

Don't know the technical English definition, but it's basically when you describe an action in a removed or passive way, rather than a direct and active way. For example, the first sentence should be the following instead:

Phrases such as “the war against terrorism,” “the axis of evil,” and “you’re either with us or against us” ARE commonplace in the media of the post September 11th United States of America. 

Notice use of "ARE" instead of "HAVE BECOME". This is better because you are directly and actively talking about the action rather than referring to it indirectly and passively through the use of "have become".

"Have become" is the past perfect tense of the word "become."  It is in the active voice, not the passive.  If he says "are," it doesn't mean that those phrases weren't commonplace pre-9/11, whereas "have become" means exactly that.

If you don't know what the passive voice is, don't explain it to someone else.  kgd explained it correctly.

dta

Re: diversity statement opener
« Reply #15 on: September 15, 2004, 10:16:06 AM »
Get rid of passive voice in the 1st sentence.

ok, what the hell is passive voice?  i keep hearing this and have no idea what it is.

Don't know the technical English definition, but it's basically when you describe an action in a removed or passive way, rather than a direct and active way. For example, the first sentence should be the following instead:

Phrases such as “the war against terrorism,” “the axis of evil,” and “you’re either with us or against us” ARE commonplace in the media of the post September 11th United States of America. 

Notice use of "ARE" instead of "HAVE BECOME". This is better because you are directly and actively talking about the action rather than referring to it indirectly and passively through the use of "have become".

"Have become" is the past perfect tense of the word "become."  It is in the active voice, not the passive.  If he says "are," it doesn't mean that those phrases weren't commonplace pre-9/11, whereas "have become" means exactly that.

If you don't know what the passive voice is, don't explain it to someone else.  kgd explained it correctly.

kgd was the one who originally charged the sentence as being written in the passive voice. Thus, your comment of "don't explain it to someone else" should be directed toward him as well. His suggestion for correction was the same as mine.

BTW, use of "are now" would preserve the same semantics as "have become".

Re: diversity statement opener
« Reply #16 on: September 15, 2004, 10:27:36 AM »


"Have become" is the past perfect tense of the word "become."  It is in the active voice, not the passive.  If he says "are," it doesn't mean that those phrases weren't commonplace pre-9/11, whereas "have become" means exactly that.

If you don't know what the passive voice is, don't explain it to someone else.  kgd explained it correctly.
Quote

thanks pookie.  i changed it back to "have become," i think it sounds better that way.  and yes, "are" does change the meaning of the sentence.

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Re: diversity statement opener
« Reply #17 on: September 15, 2004, 10:28:07 AM »
Get rid of passive voice in the 1st sentence.

ok, what the hell is passive voice?  i keep hearing this and have no idea what it is.

Don't know the technical English definition, but it's basically when you describe an action in a removed or passive way, rather than a direct and active way. For example, the first sentence should be the following instead:

Phrases such as “the war against terrorism,” “the axis of evil,” and “you’re either with us or against us” ARE commonplace in the media of the post September 11th United States of America. 

Notice use of "ARE" instead of "HAVE BECOME". This is better because you are directly and actively talking about the action rather than referring to it indirectly and passively through the use of "have become".

"Have become" is the past perfect tense of the word "become."  It is in the active voice, not the passive.  If he says "are," it doesn't mean that those phrases weren't commonplace pre-9/11, whereas "have become" means exactly that.

If you don't know what the passive voice is, don't explain it to someone else.  kgd explained it correctly.

kgd was the one who originally charged the sentence as being written in the passive voice. Thus, your comment of "don't explain it to someone else" should be directed toward him as well. His suggestion for correction was the same as mine.

BTW, use of "are now" would preserve the same semantics as "have become".

1. He made the correction; you explained it.  He then explained it and did so correctly.  Your example of the passive voice was not passive at all, whereas he correctly differentiated and properly explained the difference between active and passive.  So how do you figure that your suggestion was the same as his?

2. Yes, "are now" would have the same implication as "have become."  But that wasn't what you said the first time.

Bisquick

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Re: diversity statement opener
« Reply #18 on: September 15, 2004, 10:29:02 AM »
HMMM... skimming this thread makes me think of one thing... OCD!!

Re: diversity statement opener
« Reply #19 on: September 15, 2004, 10:30:33 AM »
so it is perfectly fine to leave the first sentence how it is now?