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Author Topic: letter from an historically black clown college  (Read 4356 times)

The Poster

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letter from an historically black clown college
« on: March 25, 2007, 08:03:36 PM »
This belongs here.

http://www.franklesser.com/clowncollege.html
letter from an historically black clown college

by Frank Lesser

Dear potential clown,
Thank you for your interest in Martin Luther Clown University, the only historically black Clown College in existence. We at MLCU hope these “Frequently Asked Questions” will help you answer the most important question of all: “Is an historically black Clown College right for me?” (Be sure to ask yourself this question before applying. If the answer is no, please do not apply.)

Is everyone at Martin Luther Clown University black and a clown?

Not everyone at MLCU is a black clown. Approximately 17% of our students are white clowns, and 12% are Hispanic clowns (Laticlownos).
However — and we cannot emphasize this enough — every student at any Clown College, regardless of race, is a clown. Please do not apply to Martin Luther Clown University if you are not interested in clowning.

I am not interested in clowning, but I am black. Should I apply to this school?
Please, no. We do not understand why non-clown students continue to apply. Likewise, when we ask departing students the reason for their leaves of absence, we are puzzled by the frequency of the response: “Not interested in clowning.”

Is Martin Luther Clown University named after Martin Luther King, Jr.?
Martin Luther Clown University was established in 1763 as a Lutheran seminary. We are named after the founder of Lutheranism, Martin Luther, and the school’s chief donor, Gregory Clown. However, OUR EDUCATIONAL MODEL HAS CHANGED. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ATTENDING A LUTHERAN SEMINARY, PLEASE LOOK ELSEWHERE. We suggest nearby Martin Luther Epstein University.

Wait. Why would a Lutheran seminary be
named —
He converted.

How do I apply to Martin Luther Clown University?
First, you need to be a clown. Are you a clown? Please make sure you are a clown before proceeding.

Second, we will need your CAT (Clown Achievement Test) scores. (Be sure to use a number clown pencil.)

Finally, we will need letters of recclownmendation from two high school teachers and an official copy of your clownscript from your high school’s guidance clownselor.

I recently read somewhere that a professor at an historically black Clown College resigned after making an allegedly racist comment; only to have it revealed that he was actually a lightly painted black clown passing himself off as a Jewish clown. Did this happen at MLCU?
You are referring to the fictional clown professor Clownman Silk from Philclown Roth’s novel The Human Clown Stain, played by Clownthany Hopclowns in the film The Human Clown Clown. So no, this did not happen at MLCU.

What famous black clowns have attended Martin Luther Clown University?
So far, only Clownthany Hopclowns and Black Robin Williams.
quote Stanley J. Watson III
you are doomed in the fated sense, but that's completely irrelevant because that's only from the viewpoint of someone who is not constrained by time. since you are temporal, for all intents and purposes you have the power to change your future

Hank Rearden

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Re: letter from an historically black clown college
« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2007, 09:06:44 PM »
I have been instructed to register my opinion that this is one of the funniest things I have read on LSD this year. 
CLS '10

The appropriateness of Perpetua would probably depend on the tone of the writing.  When I used it, I (half playfully) thought the extra space made the words sort of resonate.

The Poster

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Re: letter from an historically black clown college
« Reply #2 on: March 25, 2007, 09:08:10 PM »
I have been instructed to register my opinion that this is one of the funniest things I have read on LSD this year.

This is the credited response.
quote Stanley J. Watson III
you are doomed in the fated sense, but that's completely irrelevant because that's only from the viewpoint of someone who is not constrained by time. since you are temporal, for all intents and purposes you have the power to change your future

jillibean

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Re: letter from an historically black clown college
« Reply #3 on: March 25, 2007, 09:12:51 PM »
I applied. My mother is a black clown so I thought I would have a shot but I guess my red nose wasn't as big as they would have liked but my shoes are huge. half-clowns aren't thought of highly upon there. You are either all clown or nothing-and I'm nothing.
UMiami c/o 2010

The Poster

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Re: letter from an historically black clown college
« Reply #4 on: March 25, 2007, 09:23:32 PM »
I applied. My mother is a black clown so I thought I would have a shot but I guess my red nose wasn't as big as they would have liked but my shoes are huge. half-clowns aren't thought of highly upon there. You are either all clown or nothing-and I'm nothing.

Didn't you know? They only consider you to be a clown if your father was a clown, clownness only passes through the father. Your mother being a clown makes you not a clown in their eyes. Werid huh?
quote Stanley J. Watson III
you are doomed in the fated sense, but that's completely irrelevant because that's only from the viewpoint of someone who is not constrained by time. since you are temporal, for all intents and purposes you have the power to change your future

jillibean

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Re: letter from an historically black clown college
« Reply #5 on: March 25, 2007, 09:33:43 PM »
I applied. My mother is a black clown so I thought I would have a shot but I guess my red nose wasn't as big as they would have liked but my shoes are huge. half-clowns aren't thought of highly upon there. You are either all clown or nothing-and I'm nothing.

Didn't you know? They only consider you to be a clown if your father was a clown, clownness only passes through the father. Your mother being a clown makes you not a clown in their eyes. Werid huh?

It's sounds familiar. I guess that's how they tried to keep clowns inferior.
UMiami c/o 2010

Thistle

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Re: letter from an historically black clown college
« Reply #6 on: March 25, 2007, 09:37:16 PM »
i was rejected because of my views on clownveloution and clowntology.  i also believe that you are born a clown, there is none of this "choice" about it.  i know some clowns try to hide it, but it always comes out. 

"WE'RE IN TOWN!  WE'RE CLOWNS!  GET OVER IT!"
non ex transverso sed deorsum


JD

Hank Rearden

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Re: letter from an historically black clown college
« Reply #7 on: March 25, 2007, 09:44:53 PM »
To the OP: I have read that stereotypes of clowns as silly and/or obnoxious can lower the standardized test scores of clowns significantly, which leads to these types of colleges being necessary.  Do you have any input regarding this groundbreaking research? 
CLS '10

The appropriateness of Perpetua would probably depend on the tone of the writing.  When I used it, I (half playfully) thought the extra space made the words sort of resonate.

jillibean

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Re: letter from an historically black clown college
« Reply #8 on: March 25, 2007, 09:48:06 PM »
i was rejected because of my views on clownveloution and clowntology.  i also believe that you are born a clown, there is none of this "choice" about it.  i know some clowns try to hide it, but it always comes out. 

"WE'RE IN TOWN!  WE'RE CLOWNS!  GET OVER IT!"

People like you bother me. There is no clowntology and clownevolution is just a myth- you can't have clownevolution and believe in the word of clownible. And there is a choice- I'm from the south. You don't have to be a clown. Some people look down on it and we all know they don't get equal rights.
UMiami c/o 2010

Thistle

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Re: letter from an historically black clown college
« Reply #9 on: March 25, 2007, 09:49:25 PM »
you would be sooooo hot in floppy shoes and bozo hair......
non ex transverso sed deorsum


JD