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Author Topic: Adamant about staying put......selfish?  (Read 1330 times)

paul1454

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Adamant about staying put......selfish?
« on: January 25, 2007, 10:32:09 AM »
My wife has very strong feelings about not moving for law school, to GW in particular.  Right now we live comfortably on both our incomes in a city with a very low cost of living.  I have received a full scholarship at a t2 schooll here, but really want to go to GW.  Her concern is that not only will she then bear the entire burden of our support, she will do so in a new unfamiliar location with an exponentially higher cost of living.

She is also concerned with the debt I will incur at GW (115K+).  I told her it would pay off in the long run since GW is a great school with great opportunities. Am I being selfish in wanting to move (I told her I would work and do the Part-time program)?  Anyone else having a similar problem?

Boss

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Re: Adamant about staying put......selfish?
« Reply #1 on: January 25, 2007, 10:43:51 AM »
Does she have a job lined up in DC?  If not, does she have a career that will allow her to easily find one?  It's perfectly normal for her to those doubts and fears.  Your offer to go PT and work though should help alleviate her fears. 

This is definitely a normal debate couples have, especially on the non-trad board.  I don't have any startling advice.  Just discuss things openly with her.  Contact GW and see if they can up your scholarship.  Let her talk to alums from your T2 and see what their job offers were like, career services, etc.  Maybe both of you will see that either that T2 isn't that bad, or maybe she'll see that it is that bad and not for you.

In my house, there's not much of a debate.  I knew from the beginning that we weren't able to move, so I only applied to local schools (luckily there's a local T1).  If I had applied more across the country it would be tempting to try and get hubby to sacrifice his job and move for a good school.
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Butters Stotch

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Re: Adamant about staying put......selfish?
« Reply #2 on: January 25, 2007, 10:44:44 AM »
Dump her.  You'll meet a new hottie in law school.   ;D

Seriously, I am also going through something similar, though it isn't as major an issue as the one you're facing.  For one, I'm not married, only living in sin for the past 4 years.  I really want to get out of Orlando, but she has a really good teaching job here and she absolutely hates cold weather. 

Did she change her mind after you applied?  It sounds as though there might not have been enough communication before the application process started.  How would she feel about the two of you living apart while you are in school?
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Re: Adamant about staying put......selfish?
« Reply #3 on: January 25, 2007, 10:48:53 AM »
boyfriend and i are having the same discussion.  he's marginally open to the idea of moving, but i'm thinking thats largely lip service and it would take a lot for him to do so. 

i dont think it's selfish per say... i think you need to sit down and do a cost benefit analysis from all angles to see whether it really is worth going to DC when you have a full scholarship and you're settled in a city with good cost of living.  if you're happy there, why move?

our issue is that we are happy in our city and would want to return there, so boyfriend doesn't see why we both should move, when we could do long distance during the school year.


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Re: Adamant about staying put......selfish?
« Reply #4 on: January 25, 2007, 11:03:01 AM »
wow! just gotta say.. times like these.. i loveee being single;)
bring on the law school hottie!!!! haha

prelaw200

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Re: Adamant about staying put......selfish?
« Reply #5 on: January 25, 2007, 11:05:28 AM »
wow! just gotta say.. times like these.. i loveee being single;)
bring on the law school hottie!!!! haha

amen to that.
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Re: Adamant about staying put......selfish?
« Reply #6 on: January 25, 2007, 11:07:53 AM »
wow! just gotta say.. times like these.. i loveee being single;)
bring on the law school hottie!!!! haha

amen to that.

haha


As for your situation, it's a tough one.  If the T2 is a very good regional school, I'm not sure I'd pass it up in this case.  Of course, I'm not you.
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butterz

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Re: Adamant about staying put......selfish?
« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2007, 11:16:51 AM »
wow! just gotta say.. times like these.. i loveee being single;)
bring on the law school hottie!!!! haha

amen to that.

haha


As for your situation, it's a tough one.  If the T2 is a very good regional school, I'm not sure I'd pass it up in this case.  Of course, I'm not you.

I concur.  GW is a great school, but to an extent it's regional.  Considering that you're married and settled I don't know if its worth the relocation and the increased cost of living, drastic change in lifestyle, and expense to go to GW.  I'm from the DC area and I've worked with law school grads from GW and I'm not sure it has enough cachet to forfeit a full ride at a T2 close to home and a spouses job.  Just my two cents.
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RedWine

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Re: Adamant about staying put......selfish?
« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2007, 11:52:08 AM »
How far are you currently living from DC?  I ask because many spouses/SOs end up feeling a bit abandoned because law school sucks up so much time and energy.  It can be rough on even the best of relationships.  Moving far away from friends and family to an unfamiliar area with no support network, and at the same time having less time with you, would understandably cause her to be lonely and possibly resentful.  If you're currently close enough to DC and she could go home sometimes without too much trouble/expense, it might work better.

Keep in mind that a part-time program might actually be worse in this situation because you'd both be working during the day and then you'd be in class at night, so you'd see each other even less.  Would you both be able to handle this for 4 years?  Also consider that marital stress during law school will likely have a negative impact on your grades.

I understand wanting to get the best education possible, but there has to be a balance between that and your marriage.  If you're both happy in your current city and the T2 offers good job placement there, then don't automatically assume that GW is the better option.  On the other hand, if you're hoping to leave that area for good, then you might not want the T2.

LBChic

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Re: Adamant about staying put......selfish?
« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2007, 03:16:55 PM »
Hmm - my husband and I were having that type of discussion (theoretically) for the past three years. It seems like if you were planning to stay and practice in the place you now live, it wouldn't be bad going to a T2 and coming out completely debt free. That will give you so much more freedom it seems than being burdened with $115k in debt upon graduation, not to mention other debt you incur while you live on one income in a more expensive city.

If it were me, I would take the T2 money and be psyched. T2 is still respectable, and law school is what you make of it obviously. There is something to be said for being debt-free, especially while your spouse is supporting you in LS. That will definitely be a factor if I end up getting any $$ offers myself.

Just my married 2cents