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Personal Statement Workshop

Boss

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Re: Personal Statement Workshop
« Reply #10 on: January 09, 2007, 12:08:38 PM »

 :'(

I just don't want anything cute to die!

Everything dies at one time or another.  Everything.  Usually painfully.  Even Elle Woods and her little dog, too, will die.  Just like your dreams of law school.  They too will die. 

 :'(

Your mean and I'll bet you're not cute AT ALL! I hope you die!



I am SOOO cute.  My tar is a baby with leukemia and a PSU fake tattoo.  That's totally cute.

Boss

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Re: Personal Statement Workshop
« Reply #11 on: January 09, 2007, 12:17:42 PM »
:'(
I just don't want anything cute to die!
Everything dies at one time or another.  Everything.  Usually painfully.  Even Elle Woods and her little dog, too, will die.  Just like your dreams of law school.  They too will die. 
:'(
Your mean and I'll bet you're not cute AT ALL! I hope you die!
I am SOOO cute.  My tar is a baby with leukemia and a PSU fake tattoo.  That's totally cute.

Ok, now I've touched on my own nerve.  PMSy Boss is now thinking about the cute kids she knew at Penn State that had leukemia and unfortunately did die.  :::sigh::: It's so sad that some of my happiest memories revolve around our Dance Marathon (click on globe for link).  All of the children love coming to it as much as the student do, but each year there are few children who don't survive the year and make it back for another marathon.  

Hank Rearden

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Re: Personal Statement Workshop
« Reply #12 on: January 09, 2007, 12:20:41 PM »
JUST A QUICK LOOKSIE PLEASE!!?!


Ahem,

My Personal Statement
by DemingH
LSAT 134 GPA 2.3


My father was a lawyer, and I think he is the greatest man on earth. I haven't gotten married yet, so I think I should go to law school too. Well - at least until I meet my husband.

Good job!  Law schools like it when you use concrete examples. 

Boss

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Re: Personal Statement Workshop
« Reply #13 on: January 09, 2007, 12:22:43 PM »
No probs.  You have to be there to experience it.  It truly is a great event.  Where else can a group of college kids raise $3 million+ a year to help cure cancer?  That's right, Penn State.  Not any other school in the country!!!  Take that you ivys, privates, and athletic national championship holders!


Now we have to get snarky on demingh before zamora comes in and yells at for a thread hijack.

aerynn

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Re: Personal Statement Workshop
« Reply #14 on: January 09, 2007, 12:38:12 PM »
JUST A QUICK LOOKSIE PLEASE!!?!


Ahem,

My Personal Statement
by DemingH
LSAT 134 GPA 2.3


My father was a lawyer, and I think he is the greatest man on earth. I haven't gotten married yet, so I think I should go to law school too. Well - at least until I meet my husband.

To further the goal of being snarky with Deming . . .

Revise to:

It was my last summer in the Catsskills.  The last summer everyone would call me 'Baby' and it wouldn't occur to me to mind.  I never thought I would meet a guy as great as my father, a lawyer, until I began dance lessons with Johnny.  He taught me so much more than the Cha Cha that summer.  He also taught me the Horizontal Mombo, if you know what I mean.  But, importantly, I learned popular dance not just because it was fun and Johnny was smokin' hot, but to save a young woman who was his partner.  She was pregnant and was unable to secure a safe and legal abortion.  My father stepped in and helped her secure this fundamental right, saving her from dying of infection from a back alley abortion done on a folding table with a dirty knife.  My father always knew I would change the world; he hoped it would be by being like him.  That summer I chose to change the world through dance, and he was furious with me and made me sit in the corner at the end of the year dinner.  That's when I realized he was right and I should be a lawyer like him, not a slutty dancer like the girl with the unwanted pregnancy."

Zam

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Re: Personal Statement Workshop
« Reply #15 on: January 09, 2007, 12:51:16 PM »
JUST A QUICK LOOKSIE PLEASE!!?!


Ahem,

My Personal Statement
by DemingH
LSAT 134 GPA 2.3


My father was a lawyer, and I think he is the greatest man on earth. I haven't gotten married yet, so I think I should go to law school too. Well - at least until I meet my husband.

To further the goal of being snarky with Deming . . .

Revise to:

It was my last summer in the Catsskills.  The last summer everyone would call me 'Baby' and it wouldn't occur to me to mind.  I never thought I would meet a guy as great as my father, a lawyer, until I began dance lessons with Johnny.  He taught me so much more than the Cha Cha that summer.  He also taught me the Horizontal Mombo, if you know what I mean.  But, importantly, I learned popular dance not just because it was fun and Johnny was smokin' hot, but to save a young woman who was his partner.  She was pregnant and was unable to secure a safe and legal abortion.  My father stepped in and helped her secure this fundamental right, saving her from dying of infection from a back alley abortion done on a folding table with a dirty knife.  My father always knew I would change the world; he hoped it would be by being like him.  That summer I chose to change the world through dance, and he was furious with me and made me sit in the corner at the end of the year dinner.  That's when I realized he was right and I should be a lawyer like him, not a slutty dancer like the girl with the unwanted pregnancy."

Excellent.

I would also add: Johnny was unfairly accused of being a klepto. It turned out that it was the old people stealing crap all along, they were poor and had no retirement plan. This made me want to be a lawyer even more in order to save cute men from being falsely accused of stealing people's stuff when in fact it's always the lower class elderly people who paid into social security their whole lives only to get stiffed after turning 65.

aerynn

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Re: Personal Statement Workshop
« Reply #16 on: January 09, 2007, 12:57:50 PM »
JUST A QUICK LOOKSIE PLEASE!!?!


Ahem,

My Personal Statement
by DemingH
LSAT 134 GPA 2.3


My father was a lawyer, and I think he is the greatest man on earth. I haven't gotten married yet, so I think I should go to law school too. Well - at least until I meet my husband.

To further the goal of being snarky with Deming . . .

Revise to:

It was my last summer in the Catsskills.  The last summer everyone would call me 'Baby' and it wouldn't occur to me to mind.  I never thought I would meet a guy as great as my father, a lawyer, until I began dance lessons with Johnny.  He taught me so much more than the Cha Cha that summer.  He also taught me the Horizontal Mombo, if you know what I mean.  But, importantly, I learned popular dance not just because it was fun and Johnny was smokin' hot, but to save a young woman who was his partner.  She was pregnant and was unable to secure a safe and legal abortion.  My father stepped in and helped her secure this fundamental right, saving her from dying of infection from a back alley abortion done on a folding table with a dirty knife.  My father always knew I would change the world; he hoped it would be by being like him.  That summer I chose to change the world through dance, and he was furious with me and made me sit in the corner at the end of the year dinner.  That's when I realized he was right and I should be a lawyer like him, not a slutty dancer like the girl with the unwanted pregnancy."

Excellent.

I would also add: Johnny was unfairly accused of being a klepto. It turned out that it was the old people stealing crap all along, they were poor and had no retirement plan. This made me want to be a lawyer even more in order to save cute men from being falsely accused of stealing people's stuff when in fact it's always the lower class elderly people who paid into social security their whole lives only to get stiffed after turning 65.

Right.  And also that: I only discovered the seniors' dishonest pickpocketing by making a poorly supported accusation based on circumstantial evidence.  The feeling of vindication I had when I was proven right fuels my desire to become a state prosecuter.**

** Note: This addition would not be helpful if you are applying to Duke Law.

aerynn

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Re: Personal Statement Workshop
« Reply #17 on: January 09, 2007, 01:00:25 PM »
JUST A QUICK LOOKSIE PLEASE!!?!


Ahem,

My Personal Statement
by DemingH
LSAT 134 GPA 2.3


My father was a lawyer, and I think he is the greatest man on earth. I haven't gotten married yet, so I think I should go to law school too. Well - at least until I meet my husband.



Though I couldn't really hope to top aerynn's, an alternate revision might be:

Throughout my life, overcoming obstacles has been vastly important to my success.  By far, the most daunting obstacle I've faced is one that plagues every sensible little lady, that of finding a husband who will love and support me (but mostly support me). Hampered by my humble upper-middle class background and only moderately stunning looks, I nonetheless had high hopes for my undergraduate propects and resolved to graduate with a diploma in communications in one hand, and a multi-carat rock on the other.  If only I'd attended an undergraduate program with fewer unwashed plebians, my dreams might have stood a chance.  This is part of the reason I'm interested in Yale - the opportunities to meet a Rockefeller or Vanderbilt are unparalleled at any university save for possibly  Harvard, but you have a pass/fail system, and that's seriously great.   

In conclusion, I look to you, Yale, to give me the chance to marry up that my lawyer father and my lame college could not.

Thanks for the compliment Gingis, but I have serious concerns about your revision.  Sounding nouveau riche is no way to get into Yale.

Zam

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Re: Personal Statement Workshop
« Reply #18 on: January 09, 2007, 01:06:34 PM »

Good point. 

In conclusion, I look to you, Yale, to give me the chance to marry up that my lawyer father edit:(class of '72) and my lame college could not.

How 'bout now?

Much better.

aerynn

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Re: Personal Statement Workshop
« Reply #19 on: January 09, 2007, 01:07:28 PM »
JUST A QUICK LOOKSIE PLEASE!!?!


Ahem,

My Personal Statement
by DemingH
LSAT 134 GPA 2.3


My father was a lawyer, and I think he is the greatest man on earth. I haven't gotten married yet, so I think I should go to law school too. Well - at least until I meet my husband.



Though I couldn't really hope to top aerynn's, an alternate revision might be:

Throughout my life, overcoming obstacles has been vastly important to my success.  By far, the most daunting obstacle I've faced is one that plagues every sensible little lady, that of finding a husband who will love and support me (but mostly support me). Hampered by my humble upper-middle class background and only moderately stunning looks, I nonetheless had high hopes for my undergraduate propects and resolved to graduate with a diploma in communications in one hand, and a multi-carat rock on the other.  If only I'd attended an undergraduate program with fewer unwashed plebians, my dreams might have stood a chance.  This is part of the reason I'm interested in Yale - the opportunities to meet a Rockefeller or Vanderbilt are unparalleled at any university save for possibly  Harvard, but you have a pass/fail system, and that's seriously great.   

In conclusion, I look to you, Yale, to give me the chance to marry up that my lawyer father and my lame college could not.

Thanks for the compliment Gingis, but I have serious concerns about your revision.  Sounding nouveau riche is no way to get into Yale.

Good point. 

In conclusion, I look to you, Yale, to give me the chance to marry up that my lawyer father edit:(class of '72) and my lame college could not.

How 'bout now?

I like it, but why not go for broke:

In conclusion, I look to you, Yale, to give me the chance to marry up that my lawyer father (class of '72) and my lame collage could not.  Plus, my father says that if I meet my husband at your fine institution he will donate enough money to the school to build a library.  My undergrad institution missed out on this great opportunity.  You should not make the same mistake.