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Author Topic: Parents who move in w/their kids...  (Read 654 times)

ADL

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Parents who move in w/their kids...
« on: October 09, 2006, 09:57:19 AM »
i'm writing this b/c i'm EXTREMELY frustrated w/my current situation & i need some feedback from unbiased people.

many articles & show have been written & shown about adult kids who move back in w/their parents so they can "take time off" or "get themselves together".  usually, the kids are made out to be selfish slackers.

what about when parents want to move in w/their adult children.  my dad is trying to move in w/me after i told him that i do not want to live w/him or my mom anymore.  I AM 36YRS OLD W/A 13YR OLD KID!!!  but it seems like he can't hear me!!!

i'm not being some kind of ungrateful kid who doesn't want her parents around.  i don't mind when the come visit & stay for a few days or even a few wks.  BUT i don't feel like it's my responsibility to take in my dad b/c he has put himself in a bad situation due to his irresposibility & lack of planning.  it's not like some unforeseen incident happened that put him & my mom out of their home (that would be a totally different situation).  they no longer have a home because my dad DIDN'T WANT TO PAY A MORTGAGE ANYMORE...so he just stopped.   WTF??  i don't want to pay rent, so should i stop & shack up w/my sister & bring my kid & dad along w/me??

i'm so upset.  i'm going to have to tell him again that i don't want to live w/him, but of course @ the same time i feel EXTREMELY guilty.

anybody, please help!!

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Re: Parents who move in w/their kids...
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2006, 10:01:35 AM »
ouch, thats a tough one.

dont give in!  dont know what more i can say than that...

:(
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ADL

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Re: Parents who move in w/their kids...
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2006, 10:14:05 AM »
it's a really bad situation.  i feel bad b/c it's my dad.  & it's definitely nothing personal towards him.  he's cool to have around.  BUT....

i live in a one bedroom apt & my son has the bedroom.  it's about privacy & freedom.  i feel like i don't have the same amt. b/c i can't do w/him here.

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Re: Parents who move in w/their kids...
« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2006, 10:18:46 AM »
it's a really bad situation.  i feel bad b/c it's my dad.  & it's definitely nothing personal towards him.  he's cool to have around.  BUT....

i live in a one bedroom apt & my son has the bedroom.  it's about privacy & freedom.  i feel like i don't have the same amt. b/c i can't do w/him here.

yup, i wouldnt do it.  maybe try and help him find a place to live.  get him a roomie or something.
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ADL

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Re: Parents who move in w/their kids...
« Reply #4 on: October 09, 2006, 10:23:25 AM »


yup, i wouldnt do it.  maybe try and help him find a place to live.  get him a roomie or something.
[/quote]

i'll try, but one of the things that frustrates me the most about his decision not to pay the mortgage b/c he thought it was too much is that he's not going to find an apartment here for less than the amt he was paying on the mortgage.  unless he's lives in a totally horrible neighborhood & i don't want that for him.  also, i don't know about the roomie thing.  do you think there are other people in his age range that are looking for roomies?  he's 66.

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Re: Parents who move in w/their kids...
« Reply #5 on: October 09, 2006, 10:24:56 AM »


yup, i wouldnt do it.  maybe try and help him find a place to live.  get him a roomie or something.

i'll try, but one of the things that frustrates me the most about his decision not to pay the mortgage b/c he thought it was too much is that he's not going to find an apartment here for less than the amt he was paying on the mortgage.  unless he's lives in a totally horrible neighborhood & i don't want that for him.  also, i don't know about the roomie thing.  do you think there are other people in his age range that are looking for roomies?  he's 66.
[/quote]

send him down to floriduh.  its cheaper, tons of people that would prob want a roomie.

and lots of older ladies needing a man  ;D
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ADL

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Re: Parents who move in w/their kids...
« Reply #6 on: October 09, 2006, 10:29:08 AM »


yup, i wouldnt do it.  maybe try and help him find a place to live.  get him a roomie or something.

i'll try, but one of the things that frustrates me the most about his decision not to pay the mortgage b/c he thought it was too much is that he's not going to find an apartment here for less than the amt he was paying on the mortgage.  unless he's lives in a totally horrible neighborhood & i don't want that for him.  also, i don't know about the roomie thing.  do you think there are other people in his age range that are looking for roomies?  he's 66.

send him down to floriduh.  its cheaper, tons of people that would prob want a roomie.

and lots of older ladies needing a man  ;D
[/quote]
 :D he does still like the ladies....
but it won't work b/c he wants to be in NY.  i'm just going to ask him to tell me what he's doing, but this time ask for a CLEAR resp.  he doesn't ever give me a CLEAR answer. (another frustrating thing, btw). 

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Re: Parents who move in w/their kids...
« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2006, 10:30:49 AM »


yup, i wouldnt do it.  maybe try and help him find a place to live.  get him a roomie or something.

i'll try, but one of the things that frustrates me the most about his decision not to pay the mortgage b/c he thought it was too much is that he's not going to find an apartment here for less than the amt he was paying on the mortgage.  unless he's lives in a totally horrible neighborhood & i don't want that for him.  also, i don't know about the roomie thing.  do you think there are other people in his age range that are looking for roomies?  he's 66.

send him down to floriduh.  its cheaper, tons of people that would prob want a roomie.

and lots of older ladies needing a man  ;D
:D he does still like the ladies....
but it won't work b/c he wants to be in NY.  i'm just going to ask him to tell me what he's doing, but this time ask for a CLEAR resp.  he doesn't ever give me a CLEAR answer. (another frustrating thing, btw). 
[/quote]

if it makes you feel any better, and it wont, im sure many of us will go thru the same thing.  :-\
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Re: Parents who move in w/their kids...
« Reply #8 on: October 09, 2006, 11:21:46 AM »
Do what you can to help him out. You shouldn't turn your family away for messing up if you want to continue a family relationship with them. That doesn't mean you have to take him in; maybe just help him find an apartment. He'll need cosigners now I'd bet. Sounds like he might need to see a doctor.

ADL

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Re: Parents who move in w/their kids...
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2006, 11:54:43 AM »
Do what you can to help him out. You shouldn't turn your family away for messing up if you want to continue a family relationship with them. That doesn't mean you have to take him in; maybe just help him find an apartment. He'll need cosigners now I'd bet. Sounds like he might need to see a doctor.
i'm not turning him away.  i'm forcing him to become RESPONSIBLE and not rely on other people, ESPECIALLY HIS KIDS when he has put himself in a bad situtation after many YEARS of the NOT BEING RESPONSIBLE.  when i was a kid, there were a couple of times when i thought we would be out on the street b/c he told me HID DID NOT PAY THE RENT.

I have a family full of grown-up children that can't take care of themselves. At some point, you have to draw a line in the sand. I think if you took your dad in for an extended period, knowing full well from the outset that you are going to see it as an intrusion, you shouldn't do it. The day-to-day resentment will cause a much bigger rift in your relationship.

Help him find an alternative. He might have to lower himself to a bad neighborhood, but this is his fault, not yours. Buy him a taser.

this is what i'm afraid of.  that it'll go on for mos. 
but i will try to help him.  but it's gonna be hard if he doesn't start giving me straight answers.