Law School Discussion

revamped ps need help, will anyone critique

revamped ps need help, will anyone critique
« on: October 07, 2006, 01:20:27 PM »
i posted an earlier version of my ps a few days ago, and others picked up on the same problems i thought it had.  i have revamped it trying to focus on the theme of change.  if people could give specific feedback on areas i need to work on that would be of great help.  I am concerned specifically with the 5th paragraph.  i am going to try and have this sent off by the 15th any comments are greatly appreciated.

here it is:

With nothing but boxer briefs on I anxiously stepped on the scale, as the coach continued to move the dials further and further to the right I realized that my summer training had done little.  When he finally stopped and the dial read 285, I realized I needed to lose an entire person.  Living in the Nebraska countryside, far removed from a health club or gym, I started running.  In nine months the changes were astonishing, I went from an overly obese high school football player to a 135 pound running machine finishing training for my first marathon.  This dramatic life change helped me become the person I desired on the outside, but more importantly the experience fostered a renewed sense of self worth and an openness to change that helped me cope with the many unique situations to come over the next four years. 

As I entered college in the fall of 2000, I entered as a new person with not only the determination to succeed, but also with the ambition to help my family who was experiencing very rough times.  During the latter months of my senior year in high school my life was dramatically altered not only by my substantial weight loss, but also by my family’s 25 year old business collapsing.  In the matter of months my family went from being financially stable to claiming Medicaid and losing their home.  At the time, I felt it was necessary for me to stay in the area to help my mom support my three younger siblings through high school.  I was lucky enough to find a job with a major telecommunications company that allowed me to work and study at the same time. 

While I was working, I enrolled in the honors program at the University of Nebraska-Omaha (UNO) and sought out the university’s most challenging classes.  Over the first two years I had great success in the classroom and my family was beginning to regain financial stability with my help and through my mother’s new job.  In addition to school and work I found time to help start a student club.  The Pendragon Circle fostered an environment for students who had an interest in literature and film to have a place in which they could discuss their ideas with students who had similar interests.  I valued the opinions and ideas of the faculty and students who participated in the club’s meetings and it was through these meetings that I began to realize that while UNO had offered many new and intriguing experiences, in order to fully realize my potential as a student and as a growing person it was necessary to remove myself from Nebraska, the only place I had ever called home.

With my family’s support I moved five hundred miles east and enrolled as a junior at Washington University in St. Louis. I had little money and my family while doing better for themselves could not offer me any form of financial support. Due to the lack of money I had to live off campus in a moderately dangerous neighborhood on the South Side.  I had never felt so alone. 

This loneliness was quite a change from the way I felt when I was living in Nebraska.  However, the feeling soon dissipated as I began to engulf myself with work and school.  While the need to support my family was somewhat in the background, the need to support myself was becoming very much a reality.  I worked two jobs, one at a restaurant and one driving a forklift overnight at the local Home Depot.  This left me a bit weary, because when I was not at work I was at school or studying.  In the classroom I focused on two subjects that I had interest in from the onset of college: anthropology and philosophy.  I tailored these studies to the strengths of the departments.  The courses I took in philosophy focused primarily on cognitive science and it was through these rigorous courses that I strengthened my analytical skills.  These skills were helpful in my upper level anthropology courses as I began to reason and write with more clarity than I ever had before.  The courses I took in anthropology expanded upon my philosophical interests as I took courses that dealt with cultural ethics.  The combination of these two unique areas of study I believe will help me in the study of law.  Through anthropology I have learned to look at situations from all vantage points, while philosophy has helped sharpen my analytical skills and focus on a tight knit argument.     

Throughout my life I have dealt with many changes.  Though not all of the changes have been for the better, I have learned invaluable lessons by confronting real life situations head on.  Since my departure from college I have made the most of my time by preparing myself financially for law school.  My undergraduate career was affected by financial woes and I believe I have eliminated this obstacle by saving a large sum of money specifically for my living expenses over the next three years.  As I have succeeded with dealing with changes in the past I look forward to the next three years and the changes that will ensue.