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Author Topic: PS Intro  (Read 864 times)

rushmore

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PS Intro
« on: August 24, 2004, 04:05:16 PM »
Is this stupid?  Thanks


I didnít realize it at first, but teaching economics is a lot like picking up trash.  However, even with seven years of trash collecting practice, I walked into a classroom and said, "Hello, My name is Smith...uhm...John Smith?"  I believe my mistake is apparent.  While it sounds sexy to hear, "Bond, James Bond" in a room full of villains and villainesses, "Smith...uhm...John Smith?", to a room full of confused microeconomics students does not, unfortunately, have the same ring.  Nevertheless, the ensuing awkward silence proved to be the stimulus for something wonderful.

I use my real name in the actual thing.

!@#$%

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Re: PS Intro
« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2004, 04:17:05 PM »
Perhaps the transition in second sentence is a little abrupt.  You make it sound like 7 years of trash collecting would naturally prepare you to walk into a room and start teaching economics.  I assume the rest of the essay (which the first paragraph did a good job of making me interested enough to read) will explain how the two are similar, but it's too big of a leap for one sentence.  Otherwise, keep going.  IMHO it's good.

SNUGGLE

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Re: PS Intro
« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2004, 04:26:57 PM »
You should add some depth to how trash collecting is good preparation for law school and shares many of the same qualities.  For instance, despite the overall stench, you may on a good day find something good in the trash like a broken bicycle which you can fix up and give your son.  Similarily, in law school, despite sharing a building with a bunch of other greedy SOBs in training, you may learn how to prevail in court against debt collectors without getting sunk by lawyer fees.
You better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

rushmore

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Re: PS Intro
« Reply #3 on: August 24, 2004, 04:47:34 PM »
I agree kgd2b1.  Is this better?

When I walked into the classroom, I went to the front and said, "Hello, My name is Smith...uhm...John Smith?"  I believe my mistake is apparent.  While it sounds sexy to hear, "Bond, James Bond" in a room full of villains and villainesses, "Smith...uhm...John Smith?", to a room full of confused microeconomics students does not, unfortunately, have the same ring.  Nevertheless, the ensuing awkward silence proved to be the stimulus for a great realization: Teaching is a lot like picking up trash.

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Re: PS Intro
« Reply #4 on: August 24, 2004, 04:51:06 PM »
I think that's really good.  Putting the "teaching is like picking up trash" at the end of the paragraph is quite unexpected and really makes me want to see what's coming next.

robbief

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Re: PS Intro
« Reply #5 on: August 24, 2004, 04:56:50 PM »
I think your tense is mixed up.  Clarify that looking back only now is your mistake apparent.  Otherwise it seems like you are talking "in the moment" which would get confusing considering the fact that this was in the past, hence "I walkED..."

rushmore

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Re: PS Intro
« Reply #6 on: August 25, 2004, 01:00:18 PM »
So would changing the second sentence to  "Now, my mistake is apparent."  fix it?
Thanks