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Author Topic: please rip apart my opening paragraph  (Read 2684 times)

sluan

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Re: please rip apart my opening paragraph
« Reply #10 on: August 24, 2004, 12:55:40 AM »
Good writing is good writing.. I don't think we should be so concerned about whether it contains too many metaphors, similes, alliterations, analogies, allegories, or even onomatopoeia for a law school personal statement.  If it works, it works.  I don't think the adcomm reader would be tallying the uses of rhetorical and literary devices.  I think what is most important is to convey your character and voice in your writing. 
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swifty

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Re: please rip apart my opening paragraph
« Reply #11 on: August 24, 2004, 03:33:12 AM »
  I think what is most important is to convey your character and voice in your writing. 

But he did not do that.
And the sign said "Long-haired freaky people need not apply" So I tucked my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why. He said "You look like a fine outstanding young man, I think you'll do.  So I took off my hat, I said "Imagine that. Huh! Me workin' for you!"Sign, sign, everywhere a sign..

sluan

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Re: please rip apart my opening paragraph
« Reply #12 on: August 24, 2004, 04:43:32 PM »
I didn't know that was something I actually concluded.
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robbief

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Re: please rip apart my opening paragraph
« Reply #13 on: August 24, 2004, 04:53:17 PM »
Yes good writing is good writing.  But using funny metaphors that are streched so think they may as well not be there at every opportunity is LAZY writing.  Writing should move.  It should convey something about the writer.  It should take the reader somewhere the reader otherwise wouldn't have gone.  That's good writing.  To me, this opening paragraph doesn't really do any of that.  It tells us that he has overcome adversity, but lends us nothing more than that fact.  And furthermore, it's not a fact.  He shows us in the paragraph that the adversity he overcomes is created only in his mind.  How do we know it was adversity he overcame?  Besides his telling us, where do we SEE it?  It's a cliche to be sure, but "show me, don't tell me."  As a reader, this intricasies (spelling ?)are what interest me, not the context.

sluan

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Re: please rip apart my opening paragraph
« Reply #14 on: August 24, 2004, 05:55:33 PM »
Did I conclude that the intro was good writing?
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sluan

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Re: please rip apart my opening paragraph
« Reply #15 on: August 24, 2004, 06:00:49 PM »
i was only commenting on the criteria used to determine whether his intro is good.  that's all.
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robbief

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Re: please rip apart my opening paragraph
« Reply #16 on: August 24, 2004, 06:05:40 PM »
Which is fine.  And I'm further elaborating.  We're not disagreeing.

sluan

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Re: please rip apart my opening paragraph
« Reply #17 on: August 24, 2004, 06:17:31 PM »
 ;)
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robbief

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Re: please rip apart my opening paragraph
« Reply #18 on: August 24, 2004, 06:23:55 PM »
I refuse to use those smiley face guys because, well, using them would make me feel insecure about myself.  But I guess if I did, I'd wink back at you.  Right?  Is that the polite thing?  Or do I just say thanks? Or am I not supposed to acknowledge it in the first place? 

sluan

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Re: please rip apart my opening paragraph
« Reply #19 on: August 24, 2004, 10:56:59 PM »
We don't want to have you violate your sense of propriety now, do we?  As a reassurance to you, all the Victorian novels I have (that are good writing -- obviously, because I have them!) don't have smiley or expressive faces.  Holy James!  :o, that would just be too  Philistine! 
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