Get a sense of humor, Susan B. Anthony!
I'm going to cut a female dog. With a knife with a brown handle, natch.
Don't judge me. You've not had my life.
The appropriateness of Perpetua would probably depend on the tone of the writing. When I used it, I (half playfully) thought the extra space made the words sort of resonate.
Pish, J only wants to waste YOUR time. Get wise.