I think you're edging on a bit too literal there. I also probably didn't explain as well as I could have.
It's essentially an academic diversity essay. You need to discuss something that had a profound effect on you, but you are focusing on that "something" as opposed to the effect it had. The effect should be, i suppose, a minor point, if not an afterthought.
The Montauk book had a great example of this kind of essay. A girl wrote on the resurgence of "children's literation" and how this genre is being read by more and more adults. She discussed the Harry Potter frenzy, and how she believed that adults reading children's literature is a fantastic way to relive the dreams of childhood and return for a few moments to a world of possibilities and imagination. She obviously had a passion for this topic, and she interjected her opinion inbetween the lines. The topic was the focus, her emotions/thoughts on the subject were interwoven in the topic, if that makes sense.
My essay isn't quite like this in terms of the intro and conclusion, the only places where I talk about myself, and it's one sentence each, if taht. Most of my essay focuses on intelligence issues in the US, and in discussing this, I bring up the points of view/opinions I gained while taking classes with a retired CIA agent. This knowledge/set opinions tend not to be overly common, so I feel it's a unique experience. And after discussing current events related to the topic, I point out how this subject will continue to be relevant far into the 21st century. (or some BS along those lines!)
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