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Author Topic: do i have to tell my parents?  (Read 2665 times)

dsong02

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do i have to tell my parents?
« on: August 17, 2004, 11:04:05 AM »
ive been wrestling with this dilemma for quite some time now.  some of you know that i have a kid on the way.  i am the jang-nam (oldest son; actually, only son and oldest out of all my cousins on my dads side...koreans will understand what this means much better) in my family, so my parents looked to me for a ton of *&^%. 

after i got married, i practically disowned them for the lack of respect they showed me, my wife, and my wife's family.  i havent spoken to them in over a year now. 

now, with a kid on the way, ive been going back and forth on whether i should tell my parents about this kid.  i know if i tell them, theyre going to want to be a part of the child's life. i dont want that at all.  on the other hand, if i dont tell them, i will bring shame on them forever, among my other family members (i have 5 uncles and 8 aunts, all of whom will be disgraced for having a nephew who has disowned his own family...and having a child and not telling them about it). 

what would you do in this situation?
'why does it hurt so much when i poke it?'

Ginatio

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Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2004, 11:05:43 AM »
@#!* em. they took your wedding cash.

thechoson

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Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2004, 11:07:07 AM »
Totally agree. @#!* em.  They disrespected their only child and his wife and new family, what makes you think they'd show your child any respect?

Let them make the first move and contact you, otherwise the hell with them

NYKnicks

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Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2004, 11:10:26 AM »
Leave em, I mean if they couldnt' respect you then, what makes you think they can do it at this juncture? Let em find out later on their own, and they can think long and hard about the whole thing. Might reach a resolution better that way anyhow.

thechoson

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Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #4 on: August 17, 2004, 11:11:47 AM »
Korean parents suck.

They are asses to me now, but I bet money if I started dating a Korean chick, they'd try to be nice to me again.

They're shallow like that. ASses

Dewitt

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Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #5 on: August 17, 2004, 11:12:18 AM »
i would say tell them. even though they would want to be a part of the kid's life, there is the pacific ocean separating you from them. so it's not like they're going to be dropping by every weekend.

is it just me or are korean parents even more rigid than other asian parents?

dsong02

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Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #6 on: August 17, 2004, 11:16:10 AM »
i would say tell them. even though they would want to be a part of the kid's life, there is the pacific ocean separating you from them. so it's not like they're going to be dropping by every weekend.

is it just me or are korean parents even more rigid than other asian parents?

they come to the states about once every two months.  i know theyve been here because my sister lives in new york too.  they always come to visit her or their friends. 

the ocean separating us doesnt mean much because they can call.  and if they call, all hell breaks loose without fail. 

and with korean parents, its almost like they take 'ownership' of any grandchild that comes about.  especially if it is a boy.  theyre gonna want to see the child all the time, help raise it, and make sure it goes to church.  they will raise the child like they raised me...all screwed up.  and i dont really wanna see that happen.  i plan on giving my child free will...and to help him/her make independent decisions.  i dont want some grandparent to tell them *&^% that they dont need to be hearing...
'why does it hurt so much when i poke it?'

thechoson

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Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #7 on: August 17, 2004, 11:17:04 AM »
No, some Korean parents are cool.

But then there are like psycho ones like mine, my mom.

She found out I was going out with CCG.

So that night, at 2 in the f-ing MORNING, she calls me and starts yelling at me and asking me why the hell I have to date a Chinese girl.

I told her I was feeling sick and I'd call her in the morning and hung up

dsong02

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Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #8 on: August 17, 2004, 11:19:28 AM »
its so sad...how some parents are so incredibly generous to their children (my wife's parents are awesome), while others are just completely selfish and self-serving.  

i dont want my child to be a status symbol for them...

am i a bad son for wishing them to hurry up and die?  or am i justified in thinking that way?
'why does it hurt so much when i poke it?'

thechoson

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Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #9 on: August 17, 2004, 11:21:27 AM »
its so sad...how some parents are so incredibly generous to their children (my wife's parents are awesome), while others are just completely selfish and self-serving.  

i dont want my child to be a status symbol for them...

am i a bad son for wishing them to hurry up and die?  or am i justified in thinking that way?

THAT is rather extreme. I don't wish death upon most people I hate