Law School Discussion

do i have to tell my parents?

dsong02

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Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #30 on: August 17, 2004, 11:16:00 AM »
thanks for the help and the context.  the idea of the family is an important concept to me because ive never had a very warm one. all my life, it was always about who you were, what kind of family you came from (meaning, rich or poor, prominent or average) and looking like you were happy in your family.  once i met my wife's family, i fell in love all over again.  i realized that a familial love didnt revolve around money, wealth, power, prominence, or respect;  it was just having fun with family members, sharing times, laughing, crying, and allowing everyone to learn on their own, rather than dictating what they should be doing.  it might not be the ideal scenario that agrees with everyone else, but it completely drew me in.  

so in that sense, i already have a wonderful family from my wifes side.  they have embraced me with the love that they have for their own children and accepted me with whatever faults i have.  i will never keep my grandchildren away from them because that is what i want to expose to my children - that type of family life, which should be emulated throughout their lives.  

as to your point about my wife being a spot of clarity:  i used to think that it was okay the way my parents treated me.  they used to beat me when i didnt bring home the grades, scold me if i made them look bad, and scare the *&^% out of me when i didnt go to church.  they MADE me believe in god...and they FORCED me to be a certain way, act a certain way, and portray a certain demeanor because of their so-called 'stature' in the church.  my wife is the one that pointed this out to me.  if i didnt meet her, i would have probably instilled these traits to my own children, which would have been unjust.  yes, she is the one light that i look to for guidance.  she brought a lot of clarity to issues that seemed to be ambiguous to me.  and she was the best thing that happened to me.  

i guess im feeling guilty for having loved my own family for so long...and not realizing the truth about them.

Valid point.  It would be irresponsible of you to expose your children to harmful grandparents.

Where I screwed up was with my wife's family.  They are Italian and into family with a passion, but in the effort to keep my kids away from my cold, dry German family, I cheated them out of a warm, loving Italian family.

Define your extended family in the way that is best for your children and to some extent for yourself.  They might be your family, your wife's, and it might even be your friends.   

Just one word of caution.  Don't let your baggage keep you from seeing your parents for what they really are.  I let my feelings about my parents cloud my perception of them.  That doesn't mean you're wrong.  I wasn't, but make sure you are seeing things clearly.  Your wife might be the best person to help you in that area.


L1

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Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #31 on: August 17, 2004, 11:27:10 AM »
I totally agree w/ what mukhia and dewitt have said. Let them know. Try to give them the chance to show that they've changed and can be better ppl. If it seems like they haven't just avoid them.

I wonder though what your wife thinks about this? Does she want the baby to have two sets of grandparents?

dsong02

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Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #32 on: August 17, 2004, 11:36:38 AM »
I totally agree w/ what mukhia and dewitt have said. Let them know. Try to give them the chance to show that they've changed and can be better ppl. If it seems like they haven't just avoid them.

I wonder though what your wife thinks about this? Does she want the baby to have two sets of grandparents?

shes perfectly content on having just one set of grandparents.  this child will be loved beyond imagination...we have good friends, and lots of aunts and uncles (on my wife's side), as well as a lot of her parents friends who are all looking forward to this baby.  i think this type of family will be so much better than having another side who are completely screwed up.

and i dont know if my parents have changed at all.  who knows...

jgruber

Re: do i have to tell my parents?
« Reply #33 on: August 17, 2004, 11:38:00 AM »
Find out.  Be honest about the problem, but try.

and i dont know if my parents have changed at all.  who knows...