Law School Discussion

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« on: June 29, 2006, 01:13:03 PM »
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anrya

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Re: Potential PS topic...please critique
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2006, 03:23:51 PM »
Hi all,

I just graduated from undergrad this May. When I enter law school I will have 2.5 years of experience working in a law firm, a year of which will be full-time as a legal assistant. I wanted to make that a part of my PS, since it shows that I know what I'm getting into when I enter law school. Here are the (potential) opening paragraphs. Please give your honest opinions/comments.

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It was the final day of a six-day trial, and I was sitting quietly in the back, watching my boss cross-examine a witness. I had been working for D____ part-time since my junior year of college, at first doing mostly clerical work and now, over a year later, I was working full time as a legal assistant. I enjoyed the greater responsibility that I had been earned. I had even considered staying in a career as a legal assistant, rather than heading off to law school. After all, I would still be able to work with the law, an area that I loved. My boss, however, was still nudging me on to law school.

As trial ended that day, I helped D_____ pack his papers into boxes and briefcases. He was quiet, surely replaying the day’s events.

“That was really interesting today. You did well,” I said.

D_____ looked over at the spectator’s area. “You know,” he said with a raise of his eyebrows, “the only difference between the seat you were in and the seat I was in is a law degree.”

I considered what he said. And then I knew that a few years from then I wouldn’t be satisfied working as a legal assistant. It wouldn’t be enough just sitting in my chair. I would want to be in his chair.

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What do ya'll think? This is a true story, by the way. Also, another question: how should I refer to my boss in this PS? By his first name? Last name? A completely made up name? He will most likely be writing a recommendation for me, so using a fake name seems silly. Thanks!

The bolded part sounds really made up to me. And I think you want to avoid the... and I said "blah blah blah." and he said, "blah blah blah." and he patted me on the back and I smiled at him warmly.... blah blah blah...  It reads like a bad screenplay. I think if you want to write about being a legal assistant, you need to approach it differently so it doesn't sound so phoney.

Kevin26.2

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Re: Potential PS topic...please critique
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2006, 03:36:48 PM »
think of it this way... what would separate that opening paragraph from the tons of others that will be applying?

the opening paragraph has to absolutely catch the reader's attention.

when you got to the part about the law degree, my interested was piqued, but i wasn't really *captured*

i hope my criticism wasn't too harsh, buthonestly, the more time you spend on crafting a good opener, the better the rest of your PS will be.

aerynn

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Re: Potential PS topic...please critique
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2006, 03:44:09 PM »


It was the final day of a six-day trial, and I was sitting quietly in the back, watching my boss cross-examine a witness. I had been working for D____ part-time since my junior year of college, at first doing mostly clerical work and now, over a year later, I was working full time as a legal assistant. I enjoyed the greater responsibility that I had been earned. I had even considered staying in a career as a legal assistant, rather than heading off to law school. After all, I would still be able to work with the law, an area that I loved. My boss, however, was still nudging me on to law school.



You've got a verb problem that I bolded.

I liked it.  I even liked the quotes.  I would speed it up a little and make it more about you . . .what compells you, other than your boss's nudging?  I would refer to your boss the first time by his full name and title: Joe Litigator, the managing partner of his own firm Litigator at Law.  After that, call him what you call him in real life.