Relationship Dealbreakers

[Coreysmommy]

I can understand Blue on being a selfish individual and not wanting to share your mate with anyone but that's exactly what it is selfish. There are plenty of women that could give you the world and be the best mother, lover and friend to those that mean most to her. There are women that do put men before their children and they should be ashamed. I hate to see a mother dressed to kill with hair, nails and purse to match and they have their kids with runny noses and pissy diapers but not everywoman is like that. I respect your opinion I just don't think it should be a dealbreaker.

[bluesmoke]

CM,

I think a lot of men don't want to date women with kids and I think that's reasonable.  I don't want to date a man with kids either.  For one, you will never have the child's other parent completely out of your life.  They will always be contacting your gf/bf about money and seeing the kid.  Who wants to deal with that ish?  Also, if you get very serious with your SO, you'll likely have to take some responsibility for the kid as well.  I mean, if you get married, you can't specify that the food you buy is only for you and your wife, not your wife's kid also... a lot of young people don't want to deal with the emotional and financial responsibilities of dating someone who has a child.  Finally, I think the main thing is that (if the person is a good parent) the child will always be the most important thing to them, above you.  It doesn't matter if you've had a fancy anniversary dinner planned for months... if your gf's kid breaks his leg at school and has to go to the hospital, she's going to have to cancel.  You'll always have a child around and will have to get a babysitter before going on dates.  Why would you want to be bothered with this extra trouble when there are so many single women/men with no kids around?

[bluesmoke]

alot of guys are very wary of dating women with kids

if were dating you, we want to be your #1 priority

but, if you do make us your #1, then we would think your a bad mom...

maybe dating another parent is for the best....

I have to disagree. Most of the men that I do date are not parents and if they are they don't have full custody so that comparison is wrong. Think about it if you had a kid and she/he was only with you on the weekends but you dated someone who had a kid 7 days out of the week it would still be a conflict of interest don't you think. Most of the men I date don't have kids and my son is my number #1 priority and he will be until he's grown and then he still will be my number #1 priority. That dosen’t mean that I don't have time to date or have a serious relationship. It's all about balance. Work and school make it hard for me to date not my son.
Let me ask you this when you get married and you have a child if your wife spends some quality time with you does that make her a bad mom?

The operative word here is "you".  In this situation, it would be your child.  People are more willing to make sacrifices for their own kids than other peoples'.

[jnc18]

I think a lot of men don't want to date women with kids and I think that's reasonable.  I don't want to date a man with kids either.  For one, you will never have the child's other parent completely out of your life.  They will always be contacting your gf/bf about money and seeing the kid.  Who wants to deal with that ish?  Also, if you get very serious with your SO, you'll likely have to take some responsibility for the kid as well.  I mean, if you get married, you can't specify that the food you buy is only for you and your wife, not your wife's kid also... a lot of young people don't want to deal with the emotional and financial responsibilities of dating someone who has a child.  Finally, I think the main thing is that (if the person is a good parent) the child will always be the most important thing to them, above you.  It doesn't matter if you've had a fancy anniversary dinner planned for months... if your gf's kid breaks his leg at school and has to go to the hospital, she's going to have to cancel.  You'll always have a child around and will have to get a babysitter before going on dates.  Why would you want to be bothered with this extra trouble when there are so many single women/men with no kids around?

Cosigned.

[dbgirl]

I think a lot of men don't want to date women with kids and I think that's reasonable.  I don't want to date a man with kids either.  For one, you will never have the child's other parent completely out of your life.  They will always be contacting your gf/bf about money and seeing the kid.  Who wants to deal with that ish?  Also, if you get very serious with your SO, you'll likely have to take some responsibility for the kid as well.  I mean, if you get married, you can't specify that the food you buy is only for you and your wife, not your wife's kid also... a lot of young people don't want to deal with the emotional and financial responsibilities of dating someone who has a child.  Finally, I think the main thing is that (if the person is a good parent) the child will always be the most important thing to them, above you.  It doesn't matter if you've had a fancy anniversary dinner planned for months... if your gf's kid breaks his leg at school and has to go to the hospital, she's going to have to cancel.  You'll always have a child around and will have to get a babysitter before going on dates.  Why would you want to be bothered with this extra trouble when there are so many single women/men with no kids around?

Cosigned.

My boyfriend would want to be "bothered."  If you love someone, doing what it takes to be with them isn't considered a bother.
That said, I don't care to be with someone who doesn't care to be with someone with kids.  So, I won't be out there trying to convert anyone.

[jnc18]

Few questions, be honest:

1) Let's say somehow you found out that a person previously had gonorrhea, but went to a clinic and got it cured.  Is this a dealbreaker for anyone?

2) Is sterility/inability to conceive a dealbreaker for anyone?

3) The third question is only for those who consider children a dealbreaker:  If you found out that the person previously did have a child, but gave it up for adoption, is it still a dealbreaker?  Does it change anything if it happened more than once?

[dbgirl]

Few questions, be honest:

1) Let's say somehow you found out that a person previously had gonorrhea, but went to a clinic and got it cured.  Is this a dealbreaker for anyone?

2) Is sterility/inability to conceive a dealbreaker for anyone?

3) The third question is only for those who consider children a dealbreaker:  If you found out that the person previously did have a child, but gave it up for adoption, is it still a dealbreaker?  Does it change anything if it happened more than once?

1) OK, the first one is kind of gross, but if he doesn't have it anymore it wouldn't be a dealbreaker. I'm not expecting to be dating a virgin.

2) I wouldn't refuse to have relationship with someone who is sterile. It might be nice  Seriously though, it might bother me but I would get over it if I wanted to be with him.

[favor24]

My boyfriend would want to be "bothered."  If you love someone, doing what it takes to be with them isn't considered a bother.
That said, I don't care to be with someone who doesn't care to be with someone with kids.  So, I won't be out there trying to convert anyone.
[/quote]

I agree.  I am a single mother and I don't have ANY drama with my son's father.  I actually have never dated anyone with a child but I definately couldn't handle anyone who is in battle with their child's mother-because I have seen some CRAZY things happening.

However, being a mother is part of who I am and I don't hide that fact.  I would much rather have a guy know up front that they can handle or not handle dating a woman with a child and decide not to be with me because of that (even though I have never ran into this problem) instead of misleading both themselves and me.  It is not offending to tell a man/woman that you can't be with them because they have kids.

Of course as a mother I also don't introduce my child to every man who wants to take me out -  that is not fair for my son. 

[pikey]

Few questions, be honest:

1) Let's say somehow you found out that a person previously had gonorrhea, but went to a clinic and got it cured.  Is this a dealbreaker for anyone?

2) Is sterility/inability to conceive a dealbreaker for anyone?

3) The third question is only for those who consider children a dealbreaker:  If you found out that the person previously did have a child, but gave it up for adoption, is it still a dealbreaker?  Does it change anything if it happened more than once?

1. Eww! Not a dealbreaker, but might make me think twice.
2. Not necessarily a dealbreaker, but he has to be open to me going to a sperm bank to conceive if we got married.
3. If they previously had a kid, it wouldn't necessarily be a dealbreaker it would depend on the situation.  Just one when they were young and stupid is understandable.  Multiple adoptions is problematic, why are they continuing to have kids that they can't/won't take care of? 

[George Jefferson²]

Few questions, be honest:

1) Let's say somehow you found out that a person previously had gonorrhea, but went to a clinic and got it cured.  Is this a dealbreaker for anyone?

2) Is sterility/inability to conceive a dealbreaker for anyone?

3) The third question is only for those who consider children a dealbreaker:  If you found out that the person previously did have a child, but gave it up for adoption, is it still a dealbreaker?  Does it change anything if it happened more than once?

1) I tread lightly when it comes to STDs. It would not be a dealbreaker, but the person would have to be tested across the board for STDs. Furthermore, I need to see original documentation of the results. The tests must be provided by what I deem a reputable establishment or whatever. If the person is unwilling to comply with any of the above, exit stage left.

2) Nah. Adoption , etc.