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Author Topic: put off law school for a girl???  (Read 6213 times)

Lily Jaye

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Re: put off law school for a girl???
« Reply #80 on: May 01, 2006, 12:48:29 PM »
There's a difference between never being in love, and speaking from experience -- namely, the experience of making really dumb decisions based on it.  Most of us who are recommending law school are actually in the latter category.

It's also important to remember a lot of law schools ask why you're deferring.  "A girl" won't cut it.
Random 2L who does not spend nearly as much time here as she should.

Alamo

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Re: put off law school for a girl???
« Reply #81 on: May 01, 2006, 01:51:41 PM »
There's a difference between never being in love, and speaking from experience -- namely, the experience of making really dumb decisions based on it.  Most of us who are recommending law school are actually in the latter category.

Alright, this is probably the only time I'll ever quote Madonna, but she said it well:

"Until I learned to love myself
I was never really lovin' anybody else"
I must admit that I may have been infected with society's prejudices and predilections and attributed them to God . . . and that in years hence I may be seen as someone who was on the wrong side of history.  I don't believe such doubts make me a bad Christian.  I believe they make me human . . .

Ever

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Re: put off law school for a girl???
« Reply #82 on: May 01, 2006, 02:10:55 PM »
If you're thinking about deferring, I'd tell the school that you're considering deferring, and make sure this is even an option (most schools will let you no problem, but the earlier you ask the better).

I agree that long-distance can work if you're both committed to it, and echo the advantages brought up by a prior poster.  I dated a girl for 1.5 years long-distance; we've now been married for over a year and a half and everything has worked itself out better than I ever could've planned it.

Also, keep in mind that the people recommending you go to law school, judging from their input, know little to nothing about love.  Some people never experience it, and I feel sorry for them - just realize who you're getting the advice from.  Those of us who have known it are aware that there's nothing else comparable to it on earth.  Best of luck whatever you do.

That's the biggest load of crap I think I have read on this board yet. I have respect for myself and my goals and in my opinion it's not wise to put those things off for a very young, very immature relationship between a senior in college and a sophomore in college. Disagree all you like, but don’t think for a second that we’re going to let you make direct attacks on our character. All you’re doing is trying to belittle us for giving advice counter to your world view. Don’t pull out this BS theory that Lily or I or anyone else advocating a like minded position doesn't know how to love or what it is. It makes you look more like a male private part who is only interested in being right rather than offering sound advice – which nearly everyone else has done here without attacking the other points of view.

Alamo

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Re: put off law school for a girl???
« Reply #83 on: May 01, 2006, 02:27:48 PM »
If you're thinking about deferring, I'd tell the school that you're considering deferring, and make sure this is even an option (most schools will let you no problem, but the earlier you ask the better).

I agree that long-distance can work if you're both committed to it, and echo the advantages brought up by a prior poster.  I dated a girl for 1.5 years long-distance; we've now been married for over a year and a half and everything has worked itself out better than I ever could've planned it.

Also, keep in mind that the people recommending you go to law school, judging from their input, know little to nothing about love.  Some people never experience it, and I feel sorry for them - just realize who you're getting the advice from.  Those of us who have known it are aware that there's nothing else comparable to it on earth.  Best of luck whatever you do.

That's the biggest load of crap I think I have read on this board yet. I have respect for myself and my goals and in my opinion it's stupid to put those things off for a very young, very immature relationship between a senior in college and a sophomore in college. Disagree all you like, but don’t think for a second that we’re going to let you make direct attacks on our character. All you’re doing is trying to belittle us for giving advice counter to your world view. Don’t pull out this BS theory that Lily or I or anyone else advocating a like minded position doesn't know how to love or what it is. It makes you look more like a male private part who is only interested in being right than offering sound advice – which nearly everyone else has done here without attacking the other points of view.

Ever - I'm honored that with all the crap on this board, you consider the load I just spewed out to be the most substantial. 

You do raise a good point (I wasn't referring that much to you specifically), that it is possible for people who know love to recognize that not all relationships are based on love, and that those that aren't are not worth keeping.

However, when I read the OP, the fact that the person is even considering deferring for a year speaks pretty highly of the relationship.  Don't think that the ages of the people involved give an indication of the maturity of the relationship.  Some people find the love of their lives in college; others are still sleeping around like high-schoolers into their late 30s.  Why do you assume that the OP's relationship is simply an immature fling?

And I'll be honest, I was attacking the point of view that happiness can be calculated through a cost-benefit analysis.  And I refuse to believe that if you've ever experienced true love that you can advocate abandoning it, or anything that appears to be it.  Maybe you've been burned in the past; I would argue that it isn't true love.  Maybe the OP hasn't found it, but I maintain that any advice that dismisses the possibility that he is experiencing true love is overlooking the most important part of the equation.
I must admit that I may have been infected with society's prejudices and predilections and attributed them to God . . . and that in years hence I may be seen as someone who was on the wrong side of history.  I don't believe such doubts make me a bad Christian.  I believe they make me human . . .

futurelawyer1234

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Re: put off law school for a girl???
« Reply #84 on: May 01, 2006, 02:41:29 PM »
I think that age doesn't necessarily say anything about the strength of a relationship, and to a certain degree neither does time. There are plenty of people who have a very serious relationship very early on (and this isn't even all that early) - that's simply the dynamic of their relationship.

This calculation stuff is a little ridiculous to my mind, I have to say. Nobody really thinks like that and life is about much more than quantifying opportunity (which is impossible to do).

I'm not blaming those who put themselves first at this point in their lives - it's their prerogative. But at some point, everybody in a settled, long, relationship makes sacrifices much greater than a year's delay for their partner. Some end up moving miles away, working far away for a certain period of time, dealing with illness, whatever.

Some of the posters here don't see why they should do that now, and that's fair enough. But the OP has perhaps reached the stage where his priorities are different sooner than them. There seems to me to be nothing wrong with that. And none of us, knowing as little as we do about the relationship, can really speak to its seriousness or otherwise.

Another thing: just because the OP feels bad when his girlfriend cries etc doesn't mean she is selfish and that that is her aim. Let's not be character assassins here.

Again, waiting a year is just not a big deal.

Ever

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Re: put off law school for a girl???
« Reply #85 on: May 01, 2006, 02:50:34 PM »
If you're thinking about deferring, I'd tell the school that you're considering deferring, and make sure this is even an option (most schools will let you no problem, but the earlier you ask the better).

I agree that long-distance can work if you're both committed to it, and echo the advantages brought up by a prior poster.  I dated a girl for 1.5 years long-distance; we've now been married for over a year and a half and everything has worked itself out better than I ever could've planned it.

Also, keep in mind that the people recommending you go to law school, judging from their input, know little to nothing about love.  Some people never experience it, and I feel sorry for them - just realize who you're getting the advice from.  Those of us who have known it are aware that there's nothing else comparable to it on earth.  Best of luck whatever you do.

That's the biggest load of crap I think I have read on this board yet. I have respect for myself and my goals and in my opinion it's stupid to put those things off for a very young, very immature relationship between a senior in college and a sophomore in college. Disagree all you like, but don’t think for a second that we’re going to let you make direct attacks on our character. All you’re doing is trying to belittle us for giving advice counter to your world view. Don’t pull out this BS theory that Lily or I or anyone else advocating a like minded position doesn't know how to love or what it is. It makes you look more like a male private part who is only interested in being right than offering sound advice – which nearly everyone else has done here without attacking the other points of view.

Ever - I'm honored that with all the crap on this board, you consider the load I just spewed out to be the most substantial. 

You do raise a good point (I wasn't referring that much to you specifically), that it is possible for people who know love to recognize that not all relationships are based on love, and that those that aren't are not worth keeping.

However, when I read the OP, the fact that the person is even considering deferring for a year speaks pretty highly of the relationship.  Don't think that the ages of the people involved give an indication of the maturity of the relationship.  Some people find the love of their lives in college; others are still sleeping around like high-schoolers into their late 30s.  Why do you assume that the OP's relationship is simply an immature fling?

And I'll be honest, I was attacking the point of view that happiness can be calculated through a cost-benefit analysis.  And I refuse to believe that if you've ever experienced true love that you can advocate abandoning it, or anything that appears to be it.  Maybe you've been burned in the past; I would argue that it isn't true love.  Maybe the OP hasn't found it, but I maintain that any advice that dismisses the possibility that he is experiencing true love is overlooking the most important part of the equation.

I'm not attacking you - I don't even remember anything specific that you've posted.  I just didn't want to attack Lily by name, because as obviously brilliant and successful as she is, she still seems to have serious self-esteem issues.

So, I stand by my original post with the above qualifications.  If that makes me a male private part, well, I guess I am sometimes.  But I'd rather be a male private part with love than an a**hole without it.

As far as I can remember, aside from fights I have read in the AA board, your post is the only one I have come across that earnestly degrades other posts and on a subject that is very personal to most people.


Either way, no one is advocating he leave his wife or the mother of his children. The original poster made not mention of love, only the implication that something deeply serious could develop in the future. A lot of people seem to be trying to make this about a larger, more significant thing than it is. We’re not talking about marriage, we’re not talking about an eternal binding relationship; it’s just two college students and one of them is asking for advice about whether or not to put off law school, something that many people have said is one of the most strenuous academic experiences; one that can affect a person's identity and social relationships to a very heavy degree.

notMyRealUsername

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Re: put off law school for a girl???
« Reply #86 on: May 02, 2006, 01:18:37 AM »
wow i got a lot of input and a lot to think about. im still waiting to hear from ASU which is near my hometown, so if i get in I will go there, but if not I might go to CLEO anyway and then defer for a year. how do I defer? obviously I cant say because of my g/f and in reality that would not be the only reason.  if i wait i could re-take my LSAT and try to do even better next year. its also really hard now cuz I dont even know where I am going. I am on 2 waitlists (northeast and depaul) and on 'hold' at case and minnesota. I still have four schools I have yet to hear from.  I just picture myself being lonely and miserable if I have to move far away and break up.  assume we break up for the sake of argument, I know I will get into the same school I am already accepted into again. 
I just dont want to be 20 years from now sitting in my desk wondering 'what could have been'.   

Horsley54

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Re: put off law school for a girl???
« Reply #87 on: May 02, 2006, 01:41:20 AM »
I think i would come beat your ass with a baseball bat, if i heard you put off law school for a girl, that's the most retarded thing i have heard.
UAB Undergrad 06
Ole Miss SOL Class of 09

veg

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Re: put off law school for a girl???
« Reply #88 on: May 02, 2006, 02:04:55 AM »
I think that age doesn't necessarily say anything about the strength of a relationship, and to a certain degree neither does time. There are plenty of people who have a very serious relationship very early on (and this isn't even all that early) - that's simply the dynamic of their relationship.

This calculation stuff is a little ridiculous to my mind, I have to say. Nobody really thinks like that and life is about much more than quantifying opportunity (which is impossible to do).

I'm not blaming those who put themselves first at this point in their lives - it's their prerogative. But at some point, everybody in a settled, long, relationship makes sacrifices much greater than a year's delay for their partner. Some end up moving miles away, working far away for a certain period of time, dealing with illness, whatever.

Some of the posters here don't see why they should do that now, and that's fair enough. But the OP has perhaps reached the stage where his priorities are different sooner than them. There seems to me to be nothing wrong with that. And none of us, knowing as little as we do about the relationship, can really speak to its seriousness or otherwise.

Another thing: just because the OP feels bad when his girlfriend cries etc doesn't mean she is selfish and that that is her aim. Let's not be character assassins here.

Again, waiting a year is just not a big deal.

TITCR

I think i would come beat your ass with a baseball bat, if i heard you put off law school for a girl, that's the most retarded thing i have heard.

you must have a penchant for not listening to what you say.

JaimeNina

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Re: put off law school for a girl???
« Reply #89 on: May 02, 2006, 02:27:29 AM »
I just read through this whole thread, so bear with me:

Lily, you have a b-degree.  You're into risk analysis.  You post about it constantly.  We get it.  However, you are being totally illogical here by applying general statistics for all relationships (as you said before, almost all relationships will end) to this specific relationship (therefore, the OP's relationship will end). 

OP, no one can tell you anything about what you should do in your particular situation, because you are just some faceless guy on an internet message board.  Everyone here is going to just tell you what they would do if they were in your situation, based on their personal experiences with love, life, and loss, which differ, not only from each other's, but most importantly, with yours as well.

That said, perhaps my experience can add a perspective that has not been represented yet.  Don't listen to other people.   Do what is best for you.  I get so sick of people coming up with these stupid rules like "guys change when they're 25" and "don't even think about going LD until you've been together 9 months".  Those rules will not help you.  My BF and I did what was best for us, going LD to colleges 2000 miles away after only dating for 6 months in HS.  He is now my fiancee.  We never broke up.  Most people will say "you are too young to know what you want when you are 18".  I found that that advice did not apply to me.  Most people will say "you can't succeed in your career goals when you are dragged down by an LDR".  I found that did not apply to me either (or my fiance).   Take everything with a grain of salt because only you know what you, and your relationship, are capable of.  Consider all of the advice on this thread, as you may find that some resonates with you.  But please, for the love of god, consider telling everyone to go to hell (including me) and doing what you want.