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Author Topic: Should I live with my girlfriend as a 1L?  (Read 3079 times)

arjenrobben

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Should I live with my girlfriend as a 1L?
« on: April 11, 2006, 08:29:19 PM »
I will be attending a Top 50 law school 1,000 miles from where I live.  I have had the same girlfriend for 5 years.  She intends to follow me to LS and find a job.  We would save over $500/month by living together.  Would we survive?  Would my grades suffer?   

LizA

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Re: Should I live with my girlfriend as a 1L?
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2006, 08:37:42 PM »
It could work if she's just as busy as you are and understands your schedule. It might be annoying though if she starts nagging that you're not spending enough time with her. I wouldn't do it personally because I don't think I could handle being pulled in two directions like that especially my first year. And i guess that's another thing you should consider... your first year will be the most demanding. Maybe she should move in after you've settled in for a year or a semester. That way you get to get acclimated to your environment and work load on your own before you have to start accomodating your live-in relationship with her. I think that's what you should do. Let her join you later.

arjenrobben

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Re: Should I live with my girlfriend as a 1L?
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2006, 08:43:47 PM »
You've responded in a logical manner - that's how i feel.  I think that would be the best scenario, but I doubt she'll buy it as she tends to be irrational.  I've never been to law school, couldn't I just work/study from 8am to 7pm every day and be fine.  I bet she could live with that (you're right - if she's busy).
It could work if she's just as busy as you are and understands your schedule. It might be annoying though if she starts nagging that you're not spending enough time with her. I wouldn't do it personally because I don't think I could handle being pulled in two directions like that especially my first year. And i guess that's another thing you should consider... your first year will be the most demanding. Maybe she should move in after you've settled in for a year or a semester. That way you get to get acclimated to your environment and work load on your own before you have to start accomodating your live-in relationship with her. I think that's what you should do. Let her join you later.

arjenrobben

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Re: Should I live with my girlfriend as a 1L?
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2006, 08:47:11 PM »
Just to offer an opposite response...

Considering you will probably have zero time to "hang out" or go on dates or whatever, you might find living together a good way to actually see each other. Even if it is while you are getting ready in the morning, or while you are cooking dinner it is still time spent around each other.

I'd just make sure she is very clear on how demanding your 1L will be.

Yeah, her argument is that "we'll always end up sleeping in the same bed."  Just worried that I might not be able to get the grades unless she totally buys into me working 60+ hrs/week.

dbk10

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Re: Should I live with my girlfriend as a 1L?
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2006, 08:47:54 PM »
I think a more appropriate question is, do you want to live with your girlfriend?

Yes, the dynamics change but it can also be a good thing.  You will be putting so much time into your school work it may make it easier to spend some quality time with your gf if living together.  From what I've heard, every couple needs to have a serious discussion about the implications of law school before it begins.  You'll be spending so much time on your work, your partner needs to understand that you'll need to give a greater focus to your academics to possibly them.  I've heard that it can be quite stressful on the relationship if the non-law school partner doesn't understand this.

That said, if I end up at a school in DC, I will be living with my girlfriend.  We're ready to take that next step and we see it as a way to spend more QT together - going to the gym together, breakfast, etc...  Time that we might not be able to have if we didn't live together.  And I'm going to do my best to do as much work in the library as possible.

arjenrobben

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Re: Should I live with my girlfriend as a 1L?
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2006, 08:55:18 PM »
Since we've lived 1 hour apart for UG our relationship has always been strained by who will be doing the driving to visit and how will we spent the short amts of time we are together.  Living together could, in fact, relieve the strain of commuting an hour to hang out under stressful circumstances.

99redballoons

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Re: Should I live with my girlfriend as a 1L?
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2006, 09:26:23 PM »
Well, where do you want to go with this relationship?  Is she the one?

If you're simply casually dating, you might want to think twice about living together. If it's all about the cash, don't even think about it.

If, however, after five years, you feel that the two of you are meant for each other, you should go for it.  She's following you halfway across the country to law school, after all. It says something about her perception of her relationship with you and her impression of your future together. If it was me, I'd feel awkward about having someone move for me and then living apart from them. Heck, if you don't survive stress and change, you're not meant for each other.

Can your grades survive? Well, they did when you were an undergrad traveling repeatedly to visit an SO an hour away (at least well enough to get into law school). Yes, school is unbelievably important and time-consuming, but there isn't going to be any time in your life when you're not trying to balance a bunch of different things. Thousands of people do this, all the time. If you think that you and your girlfriend have a serious future together, I say go for it.

 

Cheers!
 

pantone292

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Re: Should I live with my girlfriend as a 1L?
« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2006, 09:41:47 PM »
If you're used to being an hour apart, seeing each other on a daily basis, without a place that's "just yours" to retreat to during fights, will be a huge adjustment.  I recommend signing a lease for at least a month before school starts so you'll have time to iron out all the inevitable issues.
That said, I've lived with my boyfriend for about a year and will be doing so as a 1L.  It's been really great for our relationship, and if you can avoid driving each other nuts and can learn to keep the peace and choose your battles, it's really nice to be able to pick up the slack for each other when one of you is going through a stressful time (eg cooking, laundry, bill paying).  Make sure she understands that she'll be the one in that position at least for the first year, and try to reciprocate whenever you have spare time.  If it's a healthy relationship, living together will probably be less of a time strain than trying to squeeze her into your schedule.  Just make sure she gets involved in some sort of activity so she won't be lonely in your new city.

aquafinaisbetter

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Re: Should I live with my girlfriend as a 1L?
« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2006, 10:03:37 PM »
no

krumanadi

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Re: Should I live with my girlfriend as a 1L?
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2006, 10:06:46 PM »
Just to offer an opposite response...

Considering you will probably have zero time to "hang out" or go on dates or whatever, you might find living together a good way to actually see each other. Even if it is while you are getting ready in the morning, or while you are cooking dinner it is still time spent around each other.

I'd just make sure she is very clear on how demanding your 1L will be.

I think thats true.  Instead of having to make dates and make plans to hang out, the both of them will have plans for breakfast, and for tv at night and for whatever they do in the apartment.  They will probably also be happy for the time apart his studying will cause, and could actually be the point that keeps them together.  Everyone gets sick of everyone if they spend to much time together.