I <3 AH.
honorary fellow LSD rodent.
So far my strategy has been to talk about it to death with my family, husband, friends.They have all convinced me to at least wait a year since the doubts are not going away. I have and started applying for a new job because I am a legal researcher and love it, but hate the travel. However, I am realizing that the job that sounds the most interesting is being a lawyer! I can't let it go and I can't embrace it. It's so stupid. ugh. I just feel...frustrated. I have never had such a hard time deciding something and I don't know why all of this had to start. I was so happy about law school before. I want that feeling back because back then the sacrifices seemed worth it, so that it made the idea of late nights and stressful exams seem worth it, now I just see the bad and feel that law school seems crazy.
I've been anticipating this decision for (literally) years, despite the fact that I'm only 22 years old. Having involuntarily opted out of academia last year (courtesy of rejections to the programs I was most interested in), I returned to my interest in law. I had a very successful undergraduate career academically, but it was often an emotional nightmare because of the standards I imposed upon myself. I said f-it this year and chose to do full-time community service work, and the result has been a very rewarding and fulfilling year that has made me rethink my priorities in life. In the past, law was appealing because it seemed like it would make excellent use of my talents and offer a very high income. Now it's appealing because I realize that I can use it as an instrument of social justice and means to help people. However, I can probably do just as much good (and work far less hours) by entering the world of education administration or electing to do TFA and then continue teaching. Time is a far more important commodity to me than money, and I know that I can live very comfortably on a salary below 100K. I actually can't imagine a worse scenario than working regular 70 hour weeks to make money that I don't need for a cause that I wouldn't find meaningful (private firm work). It would seem like the obvious choice for me right now would be to choose not to go to law school. However, there are other factors highly influencing my decision. For one, I want to be able to think like a lawyer--I badly want a legal education and to learn the legal thinking process. Furthermore, I miss school, classes, and the kind of camaraderie that comes from tight-knit academic communities. Also, I've now been accepted to my top choice law school, a T14, one that'll allow me to do anything within the realm of law that I desire as long as I don't screw up. I KNOW that there are a lot of career paths out there that I would love that would be attainable with a JD. Argh, I'm so frustrated and confused right now. I want to go to my top choice so badly, but I wonder what it will cost me in the future. I don't know if I can afford to regret not going. I mean, with a Bachelor's degree in History, I'm about as employable as a can of paint, especially considering I lack the initiative to research relatively high-paying jobs that I would actually like. Law strikes me as a fairly easy way to a lucrative career and an intellectually challenging job, two of my prerequisites (by lucrative I mean 75K+).
for me, 90% wants to go, but that other 10% is really loud (and getting louder by the day) and making me doubt my plans. there's still so much i want to do (unrelated to law) and i know that once i'm on that law train there's really no getting off.but then the rest of me is excited about going to law school and looking forward to being back in an academic environment. bah! i'm torn. Undecidedhopefully once the admissions cycle is over and i finally know where i'm going that freaking 10% will go away.