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Author Topic: Anyone else raised to ALWAYS put academics first?  (Read 1577 times)

kuokuo

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Anyone else raised to ALWAYS put academics first?
« on: February 22, 2006, 08:39:28 PM »
I must admit that throughout my life, my parents have always stressed academics.  You basically made whatever sacrifices (sports, personal life, etc.) to make sure you did well in school. 

When it came time to choose an undergrad, I chose the best school over the one that was closer to my signifigant other.  For my parents, it was a no brainer...and I, none the wiser, thought my relationship would weather the distance.  Yea, I was WRONG and my first semester was miserable. Still, after some time, I got over the girl and I did enjoy my time at my undergrad.

Now, I'm faced with a similar situation.  Choose the law school close to my gf or choose the school with the better rep.  Part of me sides with my upbringing -- going to a better school will open more opportunities, things will end up okay.  The other part of me says...stay here and do you remember the *&^% that happened before?

I will make this decison on my own, but I just want to know there are people out there going through the same thing.

Steve Butabi

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Re: Anyone else raised to ALWAYS put academics first?
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2006, 09:26:09 PM »
let me guess...you're asian
pm me if you're a hottie and you want to make out or whatever

Koala

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Re: Anyone else raised to ALWAYS put academics first?
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2006, 09:40:26 PM »
I am very much in the same situation. Yesterday I got accepted to a much better school than the one close to my significant other - which is across the country.

petitschoque

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Re: Anyone else raised to ALWAYS put academics first?
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2006, 09:58:36 PM »
Kuokuo, we are so in the same dilemma.

My parents have always stressed academics and achievement over everything--from feelings to friendship to physical exhaustion to major depression to a decent social life, nothing was relevant except whether or not I got an A+/admission/scholarship/was #1. Forget trying to reason with them, any argument that emphasized happiness or explained how overwhelmed I might have been was met with "Have you been hanging out with those American kids? We don't want to hear that American nonsense, you are not one of them!" To them, self first, individuality, happiness matters, follow your heart = American-inspired excuses that will lead to certain disgrace and failure :-\

Now I'm in the same situation you're in--go with the prestige or move closer to my fiance? He's my frigging fiance for heaven's sake and they're insinuating that maybe I should drop him so I can 'face my studies and remember what's important' >:(

Like you, I am torn. There is this robotic-slave-to-the-family side of me that wants to go to the best I can get into...if only so my family can boast one future graduate from America's finest institution...which = automatic God-like status at the next Nigerian party.

How does your significant other feel about your choice? Would he/she understand if you chose the prestige?

My fiance is so understanding and he is encouraging me to go with whatever I will not look back on with regret. But it's still soooooo hard...

I kinda wanna flip them the finger because we weren't talking until a few months ago when they found out I had done well on the LSAT. Suddenly I was their golden girl again when they had cut me off overnight after I wasn't going to med school.

Traditional, archaic, unforgiving, prestige-whore parents stink.

ETA: Sorry, I've just ranted on your thread. PM me if you're annoyed.

queencruella

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Re: Anyone else raised to ALWAYS put academics first?
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2006, 10:02:50 PM »
I went to work in Japan and TONS of people who went over with me had significant others (even spouses) who were staying in their home countries.  Almost every person made it work because they were mature enough.  If you put your mind to it, you can keep a relationship up LD.  You're lucky that you can probably see her during school holidays as well.  

kuokuo

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Re: Anyone else raised to ALWAYS put academics first?
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2006, 10:53:00 PM »
let me guess...you're asian

Good Guess...I am Asian...but my brother's ex-gf is white and she had the same issues.  In the end, she picked the more prestigous school...(hence the ex)

kuokuo

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Re: Anyone else raised to ALWAYS put academics first?
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2006, 11:03:11 PM »
first of all, how far are we talking? there's long distance and then there's looong distance.  a 4 hour train ride is certainly doable - cross country is probably a lot tougher.

that said, this isn't high school/college anymore - you're older and probably a lot more mature.  the odds of being able to stay committed to a relationship right now are a lot better (although it's still tough of course).

anyway, my instinct is to say go with the better school (assuming it's "better" enough to really make a difference).  if you end up staying together, i'm sure she'll appreciate the boost to your career  ;D

Thanks guys for posting, it does give me some things to think about...

Distance wise, it'll be at least 2,000 miles apart...so...pretty far. 

School wise, the schools are close...mid t14 vs 15-20 range.

It's been a pretty serious relationship (3 years), but I think my gf is starting to question if we'll ever be in the same place...and I think things do become more difficult when you don't share the same lives...hopefully our maturity will see things through...but I guess a part of me is scared (that was hard for me to write...being a guy)...





kuokuo

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Re: Anyone else raised to ALWAYS put academics first?
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2006, 11:09:37 PM »
Kuokuo, we are so in the same dilemma.

My parents have always stressed academics and achievement over everything--from feelings to friendship to physical exhaustion to major depression to a decent social life, nothing was relevant except whether or not I got an A+/admission/scholarship/was #1. Forget trying to reason with them, any argument that emphasized happiness or explained how overwhelmed I might have been was met with "Have you been hanging out with those American kids? We don't want to hear that American nonsense, you are not one of them!" To them, self first, individuality, happiness matters, follow your heart = American-inspired excuses that will lead to certain disgrace and failure :-\

Now I'm in the same situation you're in--go with the prestige or move closer to my fiance? He's my frigging fiance for heaven's sake and they're insinuating that maybe I should drop him so I can 'face my studies and remember what's important' >:(

Like you, I am torn. There is this robotic-slave-to-the-family side of me that wants to go to the best I can get into...if only so my family can boast one future graduate from America's finest institution...which = automatic God-like status at the next Nigerian party.

How does your significant other feel about your choice? Would he/she understand if you chose the prestige?

My fiance is so understanding and he is encouraging me to go with whatever I will not look back on with regret. But it's still soooooo hard...

I kinda wanna flip them the finger because we weren't talking until a few months ago when they found out I had done well on the LSAT. Suddenly I was their golden girl again when they had cut me off overnight after I wasn't going to med school.

Traditional, archaic, unforgiving, prestige-whore parents stink.

ETA: Sorry, I've just ranted on your thread. PM me if you're annoyed.


My gf basically told me to "do what I have to do" and her parents told me to "go to the best school; academics are most important"

Btw, Would your fiance be willing to move? I think for my gf, she's so entrenched in our area (in terms of friends, family <-only child), that she's not willing to uproot herself...

Also, this is a little off topic, but what Nigerian dialect do you speak?  My old roomie was from Nigeria...as well as my co-worker's husband.

 

sea dream

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Re: Anyone else raised to ALWAYS put academics first?
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2006, 12:16:04 AM »
hate to say it, but i'm sure it's at least crossed your mind: there's always the possibility that even with the school that's closeby your relationship may not last through law school. of course, it depends on how serious you guys are now, but most of the advice i've read on this topic is to take the better school and try to make the relationship work. If it's really worth it, you can hopefully make it work, on the other hand if you choose the lower ranked school, if the relationship doesn't work you'll be upset at the decision for a long time, and also there might be resentment/regret issues on your part later on even if the relationship does last.
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Re: Anyone else raised to ALWAYS put academics first?
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2006, 01:08:00 AM »
I only applied to school that were close to my bf (within 4 hours), because it is serious (and also because I want to practice in NYC).  I'm currently leaning towards Penn, and when we talked about it, I was surprised when he said he'd be open to moving to Philly next year (my 2L year).  I had never even asked, because I thought he was as wedded to New York as I am.  The best thing is that in Philly we could afford to live in a pretty nice place instead of being crammed in together.  :)
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