Non-Traditional Financial Decision

[upNdown]

Just so you know why I said what I said, here was my line of thinking. 

1) Most women would prefer an impressive ring.  Sure, there are plenty exceptions, but since we don't know your girlfriend, we can only assume she sides with the majority.  AND you seem to want to buy her an impressive ring.  And I really believe the majority of women would be happy with an impressive ring. 

2) Most students can't afford an impressive ring.  It would be stupid to go deep in debt for a ring while you're a student. 

so

3) If the woman wants a nice ring and you can't afford a nice ring, you should wait until you can afford a nice ring.

Now, all that being said (and I don't care who agrees with it - as somebody pointed out, this is a public board; you're going to get all kinds of opinions) - DBK10, if you really have over 100K in the bank, why not just buy the ring now, or then, or whenever?  2 months salary is a nice rule of thumb, but everybody knows it isn't a hard and fast rule.  So pick a number you're comfortable with (I'd suggest 10-15 grand, but you don't seem interested in my suggestions even though you've solicited them) and buy a ring.  Why would you finance it, with that kind of money in the bank? 

[jvan2619]

Thanks for the defense lincolnsgrandson, but I didn't put much stock into upNdown's comment as I am a card carrying member of the real world and actually have 6 figures in my savings account (not including my IRAs and 401K). 

OP, Knowing the info that u do have money in the bank, the info regarding what ure family and her family are probably expecting, and the info u provided on your girlfriend, it is easier to give  u better feedback.  In your unique situation, it sounds to me that you will probably want to buy the real ring u want her to have, not a smaller one or something to upgrade later.  i was under the impression that you were surviving on loans for law school because u had to and taking a loan out through some chain store with high interest rates,etc. while in school  was not the best idea.  If you ahve the money in savings, get what u want to get her. Just curious,  if u do have $$$ in ure savings already, then why are you even concerned  about this?  I mean, in my husband's situation, we were both in school and depending solely on loans for school and living expenses with no other financial cushion at the time.  There was no option but to get something small or just wait.  Your situation is different.  You have the money, it won't put u in a financial bind,  and you have plenty of time on ure side to get the ring.  Get her what you want to get her (the big rock) and enjoy life:)

Amen  I hope you find the perfect ring - be it big, small or unique.  

I can tell you that the ring my Mom got from my Dad when they got engaged was small with him saying that he would buy something bigger later...they now have the money...same ring.  She doesn't wear it.  This year is their 30th anniversary and he is FINALLY getting her the ring.  IMO, if you can afford to get her a lifetime ring, do it!  It's hard to go back and justify the money later.  Again, JUST MY OPINION - please don't crucify me.

Another thing - and NO, my friends aren't shallow - but after girls get engaged, they tell everyone...the first stupid question out of other girls' mouths is "let me see the ring"...don't ask me why, but it is.  Annoying?  HELL YEA - but true.  

[upNdown]

My 2 cents is that you have no business committing to marriage before you have a job and a house...I think you should wait until you are card carrying members of the real world before you make such committments. It is coldly practical and totally unromantic advice, but you are soliciting loose change . . .

And you have no business telling someone else not to married, especially where it's because that doesn't person doesn't meet your own standards.  He asked about a ring, not for some fool like you to tell him whether or not he should get married.  You have no f--king clue whether or not he is a "card carrying member of the real world."  Save your judgments for yourself and your own children.  Don't tell other people not to get married.

I didn't make any judgements, I made assumptions.  There's a difference.  And, perhaps you should consider the divorce rate in this country before you bar all anti-marriage advice.  

[dbk10]

For the next three years I will not be working a full-time job.  After completing my FAFSA, I am basically not eligible for any financial aid.  Over the next three years, depending upon where I end up, Law School and Cost of Living will probably be over 100K.  I do not want to allow my bank account to go down to zero and I will do a partial financing (maybe half) of my education as you can earn a higher rate of return on your savings than you would owe in interest on a student loan.  However, buying the ring that I would probably want would take a $15K - $20K chunk out of my savings forcing me to finance a higher percentage of my education.  In my opinion it was a completely rational question.  I don't think my financial situation is as much of a factor as compared to how one justifies laying down that kind of money when you're not working for 3 years and to add to that my financial situation in 3 years will be very different from where I am now with a lot of unknowns.

[cfreder]

No matter when you choose to propose, there will always be issues/concerns with money, timing, careers, etc.  There is no perfect time.

In regards to your ring question:

1.  I concur, you should have purchased the ring before filing the FAFSA.  If possible, do it now and amend your SAR.  Any other major purchases?  Do it now and amend, amend, amend.  Then again, why am I giving you financial advice?  You have a crapload more than me in the bank.  I am so jealous ;o)

2.  Consider pricing your 15K - 20K diamond on Bluenile, which typically has much cheaper prices.  Then take the price estimate to a place like Shane Co., which will price-match Bluenile, and voila, you've saved yourself several grand.  Furthermore, if Shane Co. (or insert other company name) messes up and can't match your diamond exactly, they'll head over to that lovely diamond city in Europe and you'll find yourself with the upgrade closest to your original request.  Voila, another grand or so.

3.  Don't leave the paperwork where she might find it prior to proposal.  She'll figure it out, but she won't tell you since she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. And then she'll mention it to would-be proposers on anonymous chat boards to help them avoid making the same mistake her husband did ;o).

Best of luck.  Marriage is harder than it looks and much more exciting, too.

[jvan2619]

Those are great comments cfreder!

As dumb as it sounds, I know a ton of people who have gotten their diamonds in the Bahamas for a fraction of the cost...they actually paid to fly down there just to save the money.  Then you bring it back to the states to have it appraised.

Just a thought!  Good luck!

[upNdown]

my financial situation in 3 years will be very different from where I am now with a lot of unknowns.

It sounds to me like you know exactly what you want to do, but the above statement is holding you back.  We're all facing a few years of financial uncertainty, so I can certainly sympathize.

[slp]

If you have cash in the bank versus no cash, u are in a better position to buy the ring now.  Yes, definitely amend the FAFSA.  As u probably already know, when u repay student loans, u do get a tax break (or at least i do).  A separate loan or credit card loan to finance a ring is not going
 to give uthat tax break.  As for future financial uncertainty in 3 years coupled  with the three years of full-time schooling, the reality is, the future is uncertain for all of us.  You may end up with triplets within a year out of school and ure soon-to-be wife may stay home, u may buy an expensive car or house, who knows?
Get her a nice ring. A good friend of mine is married to a partner in a mid sized law firm.  Her husband used a wholesale jeweler who pretty much made her a platinum set for less than 6k and appraised at 11k.   This  is a couple with quite a bit of money, living in a nice area, nice cars, kids in expensive private schools, etc.  her ring is gorgeous, the center diamond is a good size as well.  These are people who got engaged right about the time the husband made partner.  You may not have to go that high if u are savvy enough to find the right ring for a great price. 
This is a very interesting thread, by the way.....

[thenextstep]

You know maybe I don't belong in this discussion anymore, you all are way more comfortable dropping money on a ring that we were!  My ring was $1K and that was way more than I expected!  I love it and we are happy to be married (got married during grad school, seemed like a good time for us).  That said, it took a while to even pay off that amount for us, so it's a different situation.