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intent06

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Re: Something NEW! Hot White/Other? Men for the Sistas
« Reply #50 on: February 06, 2006, 01:39:23 PM »
Wow....hmmmm, well i definitely some of those traits.  Except, my ish is platinum.  Oooh, I'm sorry for being Regal-esque for a moment.

Anyway, I guess it just varies from sister to sister.  Happiness is key no matter what.  But I do not want anyone dating someone of a different race because they think its BETTER (like my boss who is black as coal but thinks she is white).

Burning Sands, Esq.

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Re: Something NEW! Hot White/Other? Men for the Sistas
« Reply #51 on: February 06, 2006, 01:39:53 PM »
I disagree with HB's impressions of what this post was all about. I don't think anyone was trying to say that Black men aren't viable options as far as life partners but I think what is clear from others comments is that we don't want to be held to one standard of person that we can give our hearts to.  Especially when a good number of Black men have no problem dating women of other races. All I'm saying is fair is fair, if you can do it why can't I?

I'm not disagreeing with the rest of your argument, but this last sentence doesn't hold much water as a valid argument.  C'mon now.  If you said this to your parents what would be their immediate response??


"So if everybody jumps off a bridge then you think its ok too?" [or some variation]

Muse

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Re: Something NEW! Hot White/Other? Men for the Sistas
« Reply #52 on: February 06, 2006, 01:43:38 PM »
I think what Kischa means is that if there are black men out there dating outside of their race, why can't black women?

Re: Something NEW! Hot White/Other? Men for the Sistas
« Reply #53 on: February 06, 2006, 02:02:32 PM »
What do YOU think is this proverbial "good black man".  I am a good brother, no priors, no deviant history, no diseases, educated, articulate (at times, dont hold any of my fun posts against me), single, but I have been passed over for someone who wasn't exactly a "good black man" several times in my opinion.  What do ya'll want?  I thought my total package was nice, but I firmly believe in nice guys finish last.  Or maybe in this case, the "good black man" might place below the white dude.  Thoughts?? Concerns?? Questions??


You know what?  I've often thought that the idea of a "good black men being non-existent" is the excuse we Black women use to explain why we are still single.  However, I also think that "I'm a good Black man, why can't I find a woman" is also used too often by Black men as a way to avoid deep analyzation of their dating preferences (not specifically directed at you Intent)

There is no dearth of "good black men (I do live in a city that is overwhelmingly Black though)," it's just that when we have ridiculously high standards (sometimes ones we can't meet ourselves), then we exclude a lot of men.  I can't count the number of times I've heard my girlfriends holler about wanting a man with a job, car, house, good morals and ambition when they are perfectly willing to work in the same unfulfilling job, drive a raggedy car, live in an apartment, and firmly believe in "testing the waters."  My guy friends do the same thing.  They holler about wanting a nice girl, but only date or approach scheming women who meet their exacting standards of beauty and then they wonder why they are lonely.  

The thing is that, while we are young, we can afford to have these high standards.  I have guy friends who wont date girls over a size 8 or 10, who have long hair and wear designer clothes. I surely will not date a man who has kids, isn't pleasing to MY eyes, has too much emotional baggage, etc., etc., etc. But we are young enough to stick to our standards and not feel like we're running out of options.  Ask us all again in 10 years (if we're still single) what we think constitutes a good mate  and I assure you that the answers will have changed.

intent06

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Re: Something NEW! Hot White/Other? Men for the Sistas
« Reply #54 on: February 06, 2006, 02:04:10 PM »
What's up with the "if this, then that" stuff.  Date who you wanna date and not because "they" are doing it.  And in the end, do we REALLY care?

There are millions of black men and women.  And many of them are "good" black men and women so to say there aren't any, well that's a crock of sh*t.  But hey, there good men and women of all races out there, but some of us choose to stray away and some of us choose to stay close to home.

intent06

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Re: Something NEW! Hot White/Other? Men for the Sistas
« Reply #55 on: February 06, 2006, 02:06:59 PM »
Good post Inquirer....I try not to say that often b/c its no excuse, but I know that I have a lot going for myself.  I have high standards for potential relationships but I agree with you.  When it comes down to it, in 10 years my tune will probably change.

Muse

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Re: Something NEW! Hot White/Other? Men for the Sistas
« Reply #56 on: February 06, 2006, 02:11:15 PM »
You know guys, I think the problem is that people expect perfection and that doesn't exist. Another issue is that people aren't allowed to have flaws...WE have this unrealistic expectation of what a mate is supposed to be and when that criteria isn't met, suddenly there aren't any "good black men left"

I also think some men/women have poor taste in mates. LOL.


Edit: We all have flaws. My flaw is that I'm utterly insane. My perfect black man will be there for me when I have my mental break downs, make sure I take my medication, accompany me to the psychiatrist, and will be there when I have to go away for awhile at a nice place where the walls are soft and grass is very green...

Is that so much to ask for? We are all flawed human beings. Other than that I'm a great catch!

Re: Something NEW! Hot White/Other? Men for the Sistas
« Reply #57 on: February 06, 2006, 02:13:38 PM »
I think the majority of any race, when dating outside that race, does so for experience/taboo reasons. I can't imagine that every white man who likes black females does so with the intent of marriage, or long term relationships. I feel that white men, on average, seek other races for sexual experiences. Its one thing to date interracially, and another to take it to the next level.
I wonder how many black females on this board have dated interracially and though they probably will not admit it, I am sure many of the non-black dates were more interested in getting in your pants, than not. Sure, they'll talk and go thru the motions but really, I think the 'dark berry' is what they are after. If you found a white, brown, asian man who wants to marry you, then you found someone who is beyond all that. That is great. And I say, go forward with great vigor for you found a man who loves and appreciates you for you.

What I have said above about white men is also true for black men and white women. I think alot of brothers go for white females for other reasons other than Long term visions.

What it breaks down to is that unless you find a man who is ready and looking for the next step in his life, he will view you as a means to satisfy his sex. Oh, he will treat you good and tak e you out and tell you the things you want to hear, but the ultimate goal is between your legs.
Be honest with yourself.

All that said, if you find the man or woman of your dreams, love, cherish and appreciate them. For if you do, race is not and never should be a factor.

last point. The fact that there are good black men out there should not be a factor when deciding to date white men. If you prefer white men, or if your white and you prefer black men etc... it shouldn't matter. The thought that you should give our own race preference is just insecurity creeping in. Why does it matter. Love and be with who you want. Race isn't so important. Its one facet that gets full billing, and we need to step back a bit and stop making it the king of the hill when defining our lives.

Burning Sands, Esq.

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Re: Something NEW! Hot White/Other? Men for the Sistas
« Reply #58 on: February 06, 2006, 02:22:58 PM »
What's up with the "if this, then that" stuff.  Date who you wanna date and not because "they" are doing it.  And in the end, do we REALLY care?

Right. That's what I was saying earlier.  The "two wrongs make a right" argument is weak.  Just because one side is doing it does not justify the other side to join in the same bad conduct.

Do it because it makes you happy, or that is your preference or a million other reasons, but don't make the argument, well I can date white men because black men date white women.  That is not a sound argument.

Re: Something NEW! Hot White/Other? Men for the Sistas
« Reply #59 on: February 06, 2006, 02:23:40 PM »
another problem (to piggy back off of Muse's post) is that we are all guilty of putting people on pedestals at one point or another in the relationship..when a person doesn't live up to that expectation or standard...immediately the script is flipped...

now I realize that I'm close to perfect but even I have flaws... :D :D :D joking on that but back to the point... don't put a person on a pedestal because they will never meet your expectations that way..