My Revised Topic Please help!

[Nylo]

psychological problems like this are likely to hinder admission to the bar.  i think this would imply law school as well.  dont dig up dirty secrets unless you have to.

This is not something you can hide from the bar anyway since they will specifically ask if you've ever been treated for psychological disorders. For potential liability purposes, they need to know if you've ever been hospitalized for mental illness, and unless you've been paying all your shrink fees and medication costs from out of pocket, your entire mental health record is available via your HMO. I don't think it's that big a deal these days though, esp. if you're applying to big city schools like NYC or LA.

[dta]

This is a very wierd personal statement, and not very well written. I think your PS (if this is your actual PS) is very bad and will result in lowering, not strengthening, your entire application.

Actually, to be honest, I am surprised at how poorly written it is. So much so that I cannot really believe that you intend your initial post to *ACTUALLY* be your personal statement!!??

[nonobvious]

I agree with ZAP... there's definitely a compelling story just underneath all that haphazardly strung-out verbiage. It all just depends on how you spin it, so that it comes out positive and mature-sounding. I would say definitely concentrate on how you dealt with the sudden major responsibilities that got thrown at you, and possibly open with a scene related to your dad's death, or your first realization of just what you were facing. I wouldn't elaborate on "hating" your dad-- too negative, but more importantly, also too distracting from the point of the essay-- better just to mention that there were unresolved issues that made the task more difficult.

Also, I think it's perfectly legit to mention the panic disorder -- The key is to only mention it in the amount that's relevant to your main "over-coming obstacle" theme. The *worst* thing you could do would be to go on about it at length, or to dwell on your current fears of its reoccurrence--though if you play it right, it would be appropriate and compelling to mention that, fresh off of your year of "house-arrest", you were afraid it would keep you from being able to
handle this new crisis.

[It might even being interesting to try opening with a small sentence about the year of confinement, to create suspense, then cutting to your dad's death etc.]

I would NOT say much in the "society doesn't understand" vein--
not that I don't sympathize with you (really I do, my mother has an anxiety disorder, I know it's really hard to live with), but you want to come off as someone mature, someone who is worthy of respect for what they have accomplished, rather than as a person who is on the defensive. Also: Adcoms read enough essays from people with alcoholism, depression etc. to realize that chronic diseases are rarely totally "cured", what they are looking for in people from this "genre" is an indication that they have learned to cope with their condition,
and that the experience has given them tenacity and other qualities that will allow them to succeed in law school, and as a lawyer.  

Have confidence in what you have here, and play around with it some more. And you underplay it, but I bet the dotcom experience could be a good essay also.

Anyway.

Now to go copyright it myself and sell it on E-bay...

[swifty]

I'm assuming this is not your actual statement but a summary of what will be in it.  I agree w/ the above poster--you most definitely should not use coarse language.

Your assumption is correct.  It is a summary, but also is longer than my final PS will be
The course language, and my "summary"  was just intended for the forum.  I would clean it up
on my actual PS if I chose to go this route, and based on what i am reading, i may not use this topic.   

[swifty]

If I were an adcom, I would be thinking "wow. i admire his honesty, but i don't think i want anyone with his baggage studying law at my school"

why are you going to law school anyway? can you imagine the panic attacks you'll have come exam time?

I need to clean up a final version to clarify that i do not suffer from panic attacks.  I only had one, and don't live in fear of them. 

[swifty]

Wow.  Those were some awesome comments.  Thanks everybody!  Just to clarify, I wrote that post last night just off the top of my head.  It in no way would resemble my actual PS. I was just trying to help you guys get a sense of what was going on so I could get some feedback.

I am now a but leary of mentioning the anic disorder.  However, I do like Zap's approach (even though he calls me "shifty" 

I've got some thinking to so.  Thanks again to all.....

[swifty]

Here is my revision after much thought.  Please let me know what you think.  Again, I don't mind harshness.  I think I am going to play up the dotcom venture.  This gives me a chance to talk a little more about myself, and why I chose self employment over the traditional job.  I doubt too many adcoms will see these since i am older and most applicants are lucky enough to just have some work experience at a young age.  I'll mention my dad's story since that was essentially my first stint at self employment seeing as how I was running the show.  I will briefly try to add somewhere how I overcsame the panic disorder, but won't go into any detail.  Also, while self emplyed, I had a legal issue that was never dealt with because of lack of funds and lack of any real law or precedence in Internet companies. It was also a major player in the downfall of my company.

The only problem I see with this is the fact that since I graduated in December of 2003, I really hav  e been looking hard to find a job.  Most, geez, if not all, say that the ten year bout with self employment is hurting me because I am unmanageable.  In other words, "this guy was self employed, he has his own way of doing things, and he might be too much of a risk to train this guy to do things our way rather than his." I have heard this far too often,and wonder if the adcoms would see it that way.  I certainly hope not, i am going into a study of law, not a job.  Please let me know what you think.  Again, i accept all kinds of criticism!!!

Thanks....

you guys were great the first time around.

[nonobvious]

Sounds like a good plan, 'course it all depends on how you write it. And as for how adcoms will look at your self-employment... can't help there, could be good or bad.

Maybe you could post that question on the Non-Trad board?

[The ZAPINATOR]

edit

[swifty]

Thanks for the advise guys, I probably should have started a new thread to get more comments, oh well, I like what I saw anyways.  Thanks!  oh and ZAP, respect you elders!  That was a joke, sometimes I forget I am typing to people who are old enough to be my children.  So it all evens out, and if we all agreed on everything, this BBS would be so B O R I N G.