Fun Yale 250s

[Burhop]

Here's your chance to blow off some steam and write the 250 you'd never send to Yale in a million trillion years (but you would if you could):

If the abundance of world snarkiness is getting you down, I have just the thing: The New Sincerity. (Better than the old, of course.)

The difficulty with sincerity of any form is our instantaneous mistrust; the level of frankness required is not something we remember how to respond to. Take, for example, Bill Murray’s hangdog mug: we snicker when we see him, but it is not the robust belly-laugh of SNL days of yore—we’re talking the laugh-stuff of discomfort, the unnatural titters that issue forth from unsure mouths. This is today’s response to sincerity—a quick giggle and puzzled look. We’ve simply forgotten how to keep a straight face. When Wes Anderson has Bill gaze into the camera, he surely intends the audience to love, not chide, that pockmarked fellow.

The New Sincerity is already taking a beating from the poets—fie, poets!—but you, Yale, you alone can save this theory from history’s dung heap o’ irony. The poets want to know “what is sincere? How do you know if you’ve achieved sincerity? What if you’re just being a pompous ass and ought to be made fun of?” Those poets have never understood true beauty. They’re all about the iambs—they’ve no love to spare.

Please, Yale: save The New Sincerity. If anyone can prove the merits of calm reflection and considered response to the world at large, it is you, my meta-friend. Even if I should not grace your hallowed halls this fall, please do admit sincerity. It is all I ask.


~dani

[redemption]

HAHAHAHAHA.. That's hilarious!

[Burhop]

The Puma 250:

The point of purchasing Pumas is to find the most garish pair you can possibly unearth. The colors Puma puts together actually makes this chore a challenge; beige-lavender-puce; off-white and pumpkin with Velcro; goldenrod and doodoo brown with fatty hiphop laces—their shoe design studio is likely piloted by brilliant potheads. Picking the most inspired color combo is a time-consuming ordeal, indeed.

Oh, how I love my Pumas: my Christmas pair is forest green and baby pink, with odd, nubby soles that slide wildly on any slick surface. Clad in my dyed suede, I care not: Pumas are the anti-fashion, the anti matchy-matchy—of course, matching Puma purses could follow shortly. Potheads will figure out that marketing strategy at some point.

But still! Choosing any shoe is a labor of love, so choosing an ugly shoe adds a curious element of aesthetic pleasure—little things become more important, such as the curve of the toe, the limpness of the shoelace. The purchaser will likely find herself muttering “this is more ugly-ugly, while this pair is more actual ugly.” Ugly, once a word relegated to the thesaurus’ dark side, finds itself a new fan club.

The resurrection of ugly is not something to take lightly, Yale. I wanted to inform you of this development post-haste. Enclosed, also find a fetching pair of size nine Pumas, brick red-fuschia-pea green. Please enjoy them!

[Burhop]

HAHAHAHAHA.. That's hilarious!

Oh, but I was trying to be serious.

Okay, haha, I fool no one. No one!

my friend Bryn coined this term--it's in wikipedia (with all the other budding memes). She'd probably be horrified I wrote this...mwaahahaha....

dani

[redemption]

I'm thinking of stealing and using it. Would that be unethical?

[redemption]

The Puma one is so post-modern it can't be deconstructed. What an achievement!

[Burhop]

I'm thinking of stealing and using it. Would that be unethical?

I dunno about unethical, but it could be suicidal--heh--could be that the sincerity has already stricken the adcomms, and they'll be struck dumb by the impertinence of the proposition. Much blustering could result.

man, I was hoping to find some more parodies when I got back from The Producers--after Springtime for Hitler, I'm in the mood for faaarrrcceeeee... (we need a music symbol option here)

dani

[Burhop]

The Puma one is so post-modern it can't be deconstructed. What an achievement!

ah, but I heard a rumor even deconstruction can be deconstructed!

I think it was started by that wikipedia pirate who's causing a ruckus of late, actually.

....and then Derrida kicked my ass.

~Dani

[Burhop]

...only just enough for him to graze my derriere with the sole of his Puma.


dani

[Burhop]

heh--this gave me an idea--anyone here read McSweeneys? (http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/) I've been wanting a good idea for a "McSweeneys List," so as to be immortalized on their hilarious wesbite. Here's an example of a McSweeneys list:

Socially Awkward Situations During Which It Would Be Acceptable to Mess With Texas. BY BENJAMIN SUMLIN

Texas shows up to the party already drunk with the girlfriend nobody likes.

Texas partied too late, asks to copy homework.

Texas asks if it would be "cool to hook up with your ex."

Texas has a habit of spending more time than needed in the bathroom.

Texas bogarts the remote just before Lost.

Texas demonstrates little respect for "personal space."

Texas finds and eats the little snack cakes you've been hiding in the back of the pantry.

Texas needs you to cover rent "just until I get back on my feet, man, I swear."

Texas brings up an anecdote about his recent colonoscopy.
_____________

Here's what I was thinking:

Somewhat Dubious Law School Personal Statement Topics

1. Knows a guy who did the sister of the fellow who one walked Johnny Cochran's dog

2. The time I fell in a sewer

etc. Will it work? Will LSD be immortalized on McSweenys? Well, only if some of y'all are freakin' hilarious, I guess.

~dani