Yale 250 that got a kid in last year--critique it

[shadowman]

Since the kid got in, you would be unwise to plagarize it. Nor do I think Yale wants a bunch of essays just like this. But I thought some applicants might like to see one that worked, and I'd like to know if you all think this helped him get in--or if his ridiculously high numbers did the trick.

The proverbial cat is nearly avenged. Curiosity has been marched before the firing squad of self-assured modern apathy and the rifles barrels are trembling with anticipation.
Over the centuries, empires have risen and collapsed, belief systems have appeared and vanished, and millions of people have sojourned on the earth. Despite vast differences in custom and geography, one common force has driven the progress of mankind: curiosity. The human condition has been continually lifted to new heights by the pondering of thinkers, dreamers, children, and ordinary people. Individual lives, too, have been enriched by engaging the intellect and imagination.
People today are immersed in information but unwilling to think. Knowledge seems like a cheap commodity to the Google generation: why pursue the life of the mind when one can find anything on the Web? Once the world was rocked, and the thoughts of man challenged and expanded, by the impact of thinkers who wondered about the way things were; Kant, Darwin, Einstein, and Adam Smith earned fame with the force of their ideas. Now we refuse to wonder—preferring ready-made, just-add-personal-bias sound bites.
There will always be some committed inquirers, but if general curiosity continues to whither, who will be their disciples? Even a master chef can’t satisfy diners that don’t care enough to swallow, let alone seek nourishment.
Could the stagnation of human knowledge result from too many answers and not enough questions? May that question breed many more.

[Pythagoras]

Since the kid got in, you would be unwise to plagarize it. Nor do I think Yale wants a bunch of essays just like this. But I thought some applicants might like to see one that worked, and I'd like to know if you all think this helped him get in--or if his ridiculously high numbers did the trick.

The proverbial cat is nearly avenged. Curiosity has been marched before the firing squad of self-assured modern apathy and the rifles barrels are trembling with anticipation.
Over the centuries, empires have risen and collapsed, belief systems have appeared and vanished, and millions of people have sojourned on the earth. Despite vast differences in custom and geography, one common force has driven the progress of mankind: curiosity. The human condition has been continually lifted to new heights by the pondering of thinkers, dreamers, children, and ordinary people. Individual lives, too, have been enriched by engaging the intellect and imagination.
People today are immersed in information but unwilling to think. Knowledge seems like a cheap commodity to the Google generation: why pursue the life of the mind when one can find anything on the Web? Once the world was rocked, and the thoughts of man challenged and expanded, by the impact of thinkers who wondered about the way things were; Kant, Darwin, Einstein, and Adam Smith earned fame with the force of their ideas. Now we refuse to wonder—preferring ready-made, just-add-personal-bias sound bites.
There will always be some committed inquirers, but if general curiosity continues to whither, who will be their disciples? Even a master chef can’t satisfy diners that don’t care enough to swallow, let alone seek nourishment.
Could the stagnation of human knowledge result from too many answers and not enough questions? May that question breed many more.

It's definitely well written but not necessarily original.  I would say this and his "ridiculously high numbers" did the trick.

[sck]

I admit, it sounded like the sound-bites he was talking about in it to me.

I also think I'd hate to read a whole paper written in that style. It's well-written, but not, at the same time.

[kruddler]

This is the kind of original, ground-breaking philosophy my friends and I would come up with in college after taking some bong rips and watching Aussie Rules Football.

[greenspan15]

Looks pretty good to me.  I like it.

But it's hard to answer your question without knowing what his numbers are.
 

[lovelovelovenyc]

I think it is well-written, but a bit contrived.

[Over The Hill]

I think it is well-written, but a bit contrived.

Bingo. The writing works nicely for such a short statement, but his argument is neither original nor particularly strong. Not that it's easy to convince your readers in 250 words.

[sck]

I think it is well-written, but a bit contrived.

Yes, exactly! That's what I wanted to say, but couldn't think of how I wanted to phrase it. Way too stylized. It also struck me as being a bit 'thesaurized' at least at the beginning.

[lovelovelovenyc]

Also, judging from the post  I get the sense that this is (or perhaps was) the poster's soon to be submitted 250.  Testing the waters?

[Raskolnikov]

I know a guy who, for his application to Yale undergrad, wrote an entire essay with each word beginning with the letter Q.