Yale 250 that got a kid in last year--critique it

[maximumtennis82]

Right, and I think that what redemption and I were saying was that, to the limited extent that we can evaluate your 250, it looks like a weak atom to us, so we think the other atoms in your application must have been quite strong, or that the way it connected to everything else in your application made a strong whole. But the particular piece that you showed us seemed weak to us.

And that is fair enough.  I will say, however, that it is very hard to write a 250 word on a non-personal topic.  They typically end up sounding trite/shallow or overly verbose/inaccessible.  I decided not to go into any of the particulars of resource allocation because the space limit would have prevented me from being able to substantiate or explain any issue I discussed.  So, instead, I decided to just put forth a simple normative claim in clear and consise language.

My theory of what makes a bad 250 is parallel to my theory of what makes an article of clothing aesthetically unpleasing- it attempts tries to do too much.


Oh, and re: redemption, since you weren't around last year you wouldn't know that I had posted the majority of my application previously.  I've joined into this discussion late and wasn't posting for 'real critique' as much as out of curiousity as to what people who didn't already know me would think of it.  I get the jist now - taken away from the rest of the application it isn't independantly strong.  After seeing that, I am simply pointing out that context is important.

[bloomich]

Point 3...obviously you can't have obviously weak atoms in an application.  However, my point is that the most important part of evaluation is at the holistic/molecular level.  So yes, you can evaluate 250s on their own to a certain extent.  But, it is crucial to recognize the importance of connections between the individual parts.

If crucial, why post it alone?

because he's not going to post his entire application, would it be possible... still can give prospectives an idea about what 250s worked... of course, seeing the entire application would be even more helpful...

[redemption]

Oh, and re: redemption, since you weren't around last year you wouldn't know that I had posted the majority of my application previously.  I've joined into this discussion late and wasn't posting for 'real critique' as much as out of curiousity as to what people who didn't already know me would think of it.  I get the jist now - taken away from the rest of the application it isn't independantly strong.  After seeing that, I am simply pointing out that context is important.

Alright. I agree that the overall application package is important.

[snikrep]

I think he's spot on with the idea of, "not trying to do too much" with the 250 - the ones I read on here that I just about gagged over, were the ones that tried to be uber-insightful.  The ones that are well-written, crisp, and talk about something regular in an academic fashion are the ones I liked best.

Similar to how a good article from The Economist is - very well written, clever, but doesn't get caught up in trying to be "lofty".  Just my 2 cents (I'm sure the lofty approach could work... but it's sort of hit or miss, and if you miss, you're crying your eyes out at Harvard).

[fainana]

Ok, so because I am a glutton for punishment and nervous now that people are getting decisions back in a pretty steady stream, I will post my 250 here for people's opinions. I feel I have a pretty strong application outside of the 250, so my goal was to write something that would make the reader remember me rather than convince them to ignore something else in my app. At first. I tried to go the pseudo-intellectual route, but it just wasn't me. I already sent this in, so don't try to plagiarize. Also, its 249 words.

   I love Borscht. The rich flavor of ripe tomatoes and freshly sliced beets boiled together in a sumptuous beef broth has appealed to me from my youth. I often wonder whether my affection for this uniquely Russian soup would be as developed had I never resided in that country. An inroad into the specifics of my Russian identity and the experiences and challenges of Americanization cannot be attempted here, but suffice to say that I am a Russian/Ukrainian Jewish American, and I am a refugee. I live at the crossroads of multiple cultures, conflicts, and expectations. My fondness for Borscht speaks not only to my identity as a Russian, but also my desire to preserve the elements that have played a formative role in my development while persevering toward success in an American cultural context.
   My dual desires are not unique. As America increasingly finds itself part of a globalizing world, many individuals experience the perceived difficulty of deciding between nourishing memories of their past and a flourishing life as Americans. I hope my actions are proof this choice need not be made. As Borscht’s many ingredients combine to create a unique and powerful flavor, the many facets of my history and experience unite to bring forth a confident, driven, and passionate individual. As American perspectives shift toward the changing global dynamic, I exult at the opportunities and possibilities on the horizon for a truly internationalized world, and eagerly anticipate my own role in bringing such changes to fruition.

[Yale College Inferno]

Ok, so because I am a glutton for punishment and nervous now that people are getting decisions back in a pretty steady stream, I will post my 250 here for people's opinions. I feel I have a pretty strong application outside of the 250, so my goal was to write something that would make the reader remember me rather than convince them to ignore something else in my app. At first. I tried to go the pseudo-intellectual route, but it just wasn't me. I already sent this in, so don't try to plagiarize. Also, its 249 words.

   I love Borscht. The rich flavor of ripe tomatoes and freshly sliced beets boiled together in a sumptuous beef broth has appealed to me from my youth. I often wonder whether my affection for this uniquely Russian soup would be as developed had I never resided in that country. An inroad into the specifics of my Russian identity and the experiences and challenges of Americanization cannot be attempted here, but suffice to say that I am a Russian/Ukrainian Jewish American, and I am a refugee. I live at the crossroads of multiple cultures, conflicts, and expectations. My fondness for Borscht speaks not only to my identity as a Russian, but also my desire to preserve the elements that have played a formative role in my development while persevering toward success in an American cultural context.
   My dual desires are not unique. As America increasingly finds itself part of a globalizing world, many individuals experience the perceived difficulty of deciding between nourishing memories of their past and a flourishing life as Americans. I hope my actions are proof this choice need not be made. As Borscht’s many ingredients combine to create a unique and powerful flavor, the many facets of my history and experience unite to bring forth a confident, driven, and passionate individual. As American perspectives shift toward the changing global dynamic, I exult at the opportunities and possibilities on the horizon for a truly internationalized world, and eagerly anticipate my own role in bringing such changes to fruition.

I love borsch too and like the metaphor. However, in some places the writing is quite awkward, e.g. : "An inroad into the specifics of my Russian identity and the experiences and challenges of Americanization cannot be attempted here"

[redemption]

Ok, so because I am a glutton for punishment and nervous now that people are getting decisions back in a pretty steady stream, I will post my 250 here for people's opinions.

Ok, well. Not sure I like the topic choice. It's too, too obvious - a diversity statement dressed up (or down) as a 250. I understand the temptation,. Food as an intro to the Other, the Other as an intro to "globalization" etc. Writing is a bit clunky, with cliches and whatnot strewn about. It's alright, though, by the standards of what I've seen on this board. Neutral: maybe 6/10.

Good luck with your app.

[redemption]

2- I have got to know many profs here already...the top on the list of what they hate to read?  Self-absorbed crap from kids fresh from college.  I guessed this was true when applying and explicitly decided to not make my 250 about "ME ME ME. My experiences are so interesting!"

this makes me happy about the fact that i didn't mention myself at all in my 250.  i was getting concerned that this was something i should have done.

They say write about *anything* at all. To write about oneself under those guidelines would be brave, I think.

[redemption]

Congrats on C, btw.

[maximumtennis82]

Ok, so because I am a glutton for punishment and nervous now that people are getting decisions back in a pretty steady stream, I will post my 250 here for people's opinions. I feel I have a pretty strong application outside of the 250, so my goal was to write something that would make the reader remember me rather than convince them to ignore something else in my app. At first. I tried to go the pseudo-intellectual route, but it just wasn't me. I already sent this in, so don't try to plagiarize. Also, its 249 words.

   I love Borscht. The rich flavor of ripe tomatoes and freshly sliced beets boiled together in a sumptuous beef broth has appealed to me from my youth. I often wonder whether my affection for this uniquely Russian soup would be as developed had I never resided in that country. An inroad into the specifics of my Russian identity and the experiences and challenges of Americanization cannot be attempted here, but suffice to say that I am a Russian/Ukrainian Jewish American, and I am a refugee. I live at the crossroads of multiple cultures, conflicts, and expectations. My fondness for Borscht speaks not only to my identity as a Russian, but also my desire to preserve the elements that have played a formative role in my development while persevering toward success in an American cultural context.
   My dual desires are not unique. As America increasingly finds itself part of a globalizing world, many individuals experience the perceived difficulty of deciding between nourishing memories of their past and a flourishing life as Americans. I hope my actions are proof this choice need not be made. As Borscht’s many ingredients combine to create a unique and powerful flavor, the many facets of my history and experience unite to bring forth a confident, driven, and passionate individual. As American perspectives shift toward the changing global dynamic, I exult at the opportunities and possibilities on the horizon for a truly internationalized world, and eagerly anticipate my own role in bringing such changes to fruition.

Liked the initial idea.  Thing the end product is mid-range.  If you were really crafty you could have found a way to weave the food theme consistently into the entire piece (just don't ask me how, I'm not a strong creative writer), as is it seems a bit gimmicky.  Choice of internationalism as a secondary topic is strong - it's the new focus of YLS - however a point stronger than "internationalism yay!"  Bottom Line: It won't rule you out...and that is all that matters with 250s.