Yale 250 that got a kid in last year--critique it

[Dionysus]

I agree that it's a well-written essay, but it doesn't really reveal anything about the writer.  If the goal of these things is to allow the adcoms to get to know you more personally, I would think this essay fails to do that.

[SanchoPanzo]

I agree that it's a well-written essay, but it doesn't really reveal anything about the writer.  If the goal of these things is to allow the adcoms to get to know you more personally, I would think this essay fails to do that.

The Yale250 is not necessarily about you. There's another Yale essay you can use for that. As a matter of fact, the application suggests that students submit the Personal statements written for other schools as the "other essay".

[redemption]

You're all joking, right? It's crappily written, vapid and doesn't say (or try to say) anything interesting at all. Am I missing something? It's not possible that the kid got in to Yale with this essay; it would erase benefit of the doubt that his numbers may have generated.

Better guess: it's the OP's draft and he wants a critique. Mine is: put away the thesaurus, think of something interesting to say, and say it.

[FossilJ]

You're all joking, right? It's crappily written, vapid and doesn't say (or try to say) anything interesting at all. Am I missing something? It's not possible that the kid got in to Yale with this essay; it would erase benefit of the doubt that his numbers may have generated.

Better guess: it's the OP's draft and he wants a critique. Mine is: put away the thesaurus, think of something interesting to say, and say it.

Relax.  This was my critique, as well.

[jg983]

I threw up a little upon reading this. I think it was created using a random text generator. Several different versions are available online; it was only a matter of time until someone came up with one for the Yale 250. Awful, awful, awful. Anyone who writes like this should not only be shunned, but probably shot. Blech.

[FossilJ]

Agreed.  It's derivative, the diction is mediocre (I like what someone called it - was it "thesaurusy"?... something like that), and the subject matter is stale.

It's not that the essay is shallow (although it is); it's that the essay reveals a shallowness of thought.  The conclusion is banal and, frankly, a commonplace that isn't worth summarizing for your impressionable siblings, let alone one of the world's premier academic institutions. 

Here's a better way to approach it (and I'm copyrighting this, even though I still think it's pretty weak and wouldn't use it as my Yale 250):

Take quotations from various historical "greats".  Find ones that sum up the banality you're trying to convey.  Then find others that deride the plagiarism that the quotation-used-as-adage truly is.  Ironically juxtapose these in a collage of double-marks.  Say what you mean to say without saying it yourself; there's a palimpsestuous playfulness about such commentary that Yale cannot fail to recognize.  You'll let the world know that curiousity and creativity is dead in general but alive in you in the most original way by not saying anything original at all.

Back to the OP's 250.  I didn't really rip into this the first time around because I was too f-ing lazy.  I've given it another read, though, and I have to say it's weak.  Weak sauce, my friend.  Weak sauce.

[FossilJ]

Oh, one more thing.  It's just plain wrong, too.

There's no evidence that "curiousity" has diminished.  If great thinkers are the measure, then we've been in good stead over the last fifty years.  And people were just as likely to accept "ready-mades" in Einstein or Darwin or even Kant's day as they are today. 

What a load of bull.

[Raskolnikov]

It reminded me of http://www.elsewhere.org/pomo.  Check out the bottom for an explanation, then hit "reload" a few times.

[upNdown]

Count me amoung the people who think it is crap.  But I don't have Yale numbers, so what do I know?

[badmammajamma]

Wow. I didn't think it was off the charts, but it's definitely not as bad as some are saying. Some of the comments reek of "it-would-crush-my-ego-to-admit-anyone-else-can-do-anything-right" insecurity. It's a little wierd to see someone call it "thesaurusy," and then proceed to use the words "palimpsestuous" and "banality."
It's not a Pulitzer piece, but it does OK within the constraints.