Write your own rejection

[jhare]

Dear Applicant,

We don't really know how to say this, so we're just going to say it. Right now we can't see things working out between us. It's not you - you're so great - it's just that we need to take some time to figure out who we are as a law school, and we don't think that we can do that with you around.

You are such a special person, and you deserve a law school that appreciates how great you really are. We never wanted to hurt you.

Let's stay friends, OK?

Law School

[firant]

Dear Sir, Madam, or possibly mutant Goat.

     We here at [Law School] think you'd have made a great student. If, that is, you had been someone entirely different, and or, possibly not a goat. Toward that end, we have included three pills.
        * Pill number one contains a highly concentrated amount of hallucinogen. This pill will allow you to radically alter your personality by giving you visions of your chosen God, and or a giant mutant goat, after which point we will gladly accept you into [Law School].
        * Pill number two is identical to pill number one in appearance. It contains a high-effective intelligence inducing hormone. Consuming this pill will also turn you into a viable candidate for admission to [law school].
        * Pill number three contains a significant dosage of cyanide, and will lead to nearly immediate death. It is identical in appearance to pills number one and two. If you really want to go to [law school] you will risk getting pill number three.

Thank you,
Dean Crazy-go-nuts.

P.S. - Mutant goats are never welcome at [law school].

----

At least it would be amusing... of course, they'd really be sugar pills.

[rider06]

Dear Dumbass,

Are you serious?  HAHAHHAHHAHAAH

Love,

Dean XXX


P.S. Good luck with Cooley,

[2Lacoste]

Dear Lacoste19,

Although it is evident from your extracurricular resume that you are a passionate and active young man committed to a life in the public service, your application f-ing sucked.  We took it as an indication of the half-ass work you would likely produce here at X Law School.  Thus, we cannot offer you a seat in our 2006-2007 class.

Get your act together and try again you lazy bastard full of potential.

Cordially,
Dean X

[moping]

Dear Applicant,

Get therapy.

Sincerely,

Dean xxxxxxx

[unionyes]

Dear Applicant,

We regret to inform you that your 166 on the LSAT has precluded us from offering you admission this year to xxx College of Law.  While you are clearly a qualified and capable candidate, we here at xx College of Law have made a commitment to only accepting candidates with the scores 161, 163, and 165.  Your score is not only not at 161, 163 or 165-- it's also an even number.  Obviously, like many other nationally ranked schools, we can't accept candidates with even numbered LSAT scores.  We recommend you retake.   
   
Sincerely,

Dean xx   


 

 

[Godling]

Dear Applicant,

While we can not accept you into our school we can buy you a small island off of Aruba and put the deed in your name with the proceeds of our privatized educational institute.  We also hear you are great in bed.

Sincerely,
X

I still like Vapid Unicorn's best, but the All Your Base reference warmed my heart.

If I was a prick I'd send out this.

Dear Applicant,



Ass.
Sincerely,
X

[nukelaw]

Dear Applicant,

We don't really know how to say this, so we're just going to say it. Right now we can't see things working out between us. It's not you - you're so great - it's just that we need to take some time to figure out who we are as a law school, and we don't think that we can do that with you around.

You are such a special person, and you deserve a law school that appreciates how great you really are. We never wanted to hurt you.

Let's stay friends, OK?

Law School

Sounds like some of my deferrals...

[nukelaw]

Dear Applicant #224561:

Due to negative feedback in pervious years' admissions cycles to our form letters, we've outsourced your rejection to Hallmark. Enjoy.

"Cover: LIFE...so fragile. LOSS... so sudden. HEART...so broken.

Inside: In the wake of such a loss, we're haunted by things we don't - and may never - understand. Yet the solace we seek may not come from answers. So we look for comfort in the belief of love's everlasting connection. May that love lift you, hold you close, and give you peace."

[Applicant1693]

Dear __________

Tough s#it, hon, you didn't quite hack it this time. Maybe if you'd, y'know, been a worthwhile human being or been able to enhance our endowment (heh...enhancing my endowment took surgery) we could've hooked you up.  As it is, have fun wherever you wind up. 

Don't call us, we'll call you.

Dean _________________