Write your own rejection

[john83]

the post by revelareveritas got me thinking... if you were writing a reject letter to be sent en masse to all the poor souls denied admission... how would you write it?

just curious. please post.

[Hedley Lamarr]

Dear ---,
Why did you even apply to our school?  You obviously are not qualified, thank you for wasting my time.
Sincerely
Dean -----



That is probably what they want to say.

[ACK!]

Great Law School
1 Law School Road
Beutiful City, USA

April 1, 2005


Dear --,

I really wanted to admit you.  Honestly.  I could just tell by looking a your application that your LSAT isn't representative of your abilities, you didn't even need to include your brilliantly-worded addendum.  And, let's face it, who doesn't party for their first three years of coolege? It's perfectly normal.  That 3.7 you pulled in your final year is all that I really looked at.  Unfortunately, the evil people at US NEws have us trapped by numbers, and when we pugged your stats into our computers, it dropped our ranking by 10 spots.  Thus, this is the hardest letter I'll have to write this year, but admitting you would cost this school millions.  Nevertheless, I fought for you all the way to the Provost.  I almost got fired!  But that's how much I believed in you.  In fact, I am so confindant that you'll have a great career that I included my home phone and AIM name at the bottom, sothat when you get rich and famous, I can tell people I was your friend. 

Make me proud,

Dean ---

P.S. Please, please apply for transfer admission next year! Those numbers don't count against our rankings!  I might even be able to let you start your second year as a 1L, so you can ace all of your classes and make Law Review.  That would be sweet.

Phone: (555) 867-5309
AIM: koolawguy

I love it!

[Hedley Lamarr]

Great Law School
1 Law School Road
Beutiful City, USA

April 1, 2005


Dear --,

I really wanted to admit you.  Honestly.  I could just tell by looking a your application that your LSAT isn't representative of your abilities, you didn't even need to include your brilliantly-worded addendum.  And, let's face it, who doesn't party for their first three years of coolege? It's perfectly normal.  That 3.7 you pulled in your final year is all that I really looked at.  Unfortunately, the evil people at US NEws have us trapped by numbers, and when we pugged your stats into our computers, it dropped our ranking by 10 spots.  Thus, this is the hardest letter I'll have to write this year, but admitting you would cost this school millions.  Nevertheless, I fought for you all the way to the Provost.  I almost got fired!  But that's how much I believed in you.  In fact, I am so confindant that you'll have a great career that I included my home phone and AIM name at the bottom, sothat when you get rich and famous, I can tell people I was your friend. 

Make me proud,

Dean ---

P.S. Please, please apply for transfer admission next year! Those numbers don't count against our rankings!  I might even be able to let you start your second year as a 1L, so you can ace all of your classes and make Law Review.  That would be sweet.

Phone: (555) 867-5309
AIM: koolawguy

That is a lot nicer than mine

[Steve Butabi]

Dear _______,


Nice try, dickhead.

Love,
Dean Jones

[john83]

Dear [insert applicant name here],

A junior staff member has personally reviewed your application for admission into [Law School Name]. To be quite honest, he's the one that wrote this letter, and I've given him permission to sign my name to it.

Unforunately, we cannot offer you admission at this time, nor any time, nor to your children. That being said, even if we had 500 seats to fill and only 50 applicants, we still would not have selected you for admission.

Thanks for your application fee, and for needlessly wasting precious natural resources in sending your application.

Cordially,

[Dean's name]
Director of Admissions

P.S. Please kindly use the preaddressed envelope to mail $.39 to cover the cost of postage for this letter by December 31st.

[qwertyytrewq]

I have two...here's the first...i think this one is cornier.

Dear [Applicant Name],

Thank you for applying.  We are unable to offer you admission. 

However, we just saved a bunch of money on car insurance.

Adverbingly,

Dean

[qwertyytrewq]

Dear [Applicant Name],

Thank you for applying.  Unfortunately, due to factors entirely in your control, we are unable to offer you admission.

While aware that you already have a Bachelor's degree, we have taken the liberty of forwarding your application to our Undergraduate Institution for review.

Good luck in your undergraduate studies.

Happily,

The Dean

[forbzik]

Dear [Applicant Name]

On behalf of [School Name], we would like to thank you for your generous donation of $[Application Fee].  We will begin accepting donations again beginning September 15, 2006 and anxiously await your next contribution. 

Respectfully,

[Dean Name]

[Slow Blues]

Dear [Applicant Name]

All your application fee are belong to us.

You have no chance to survive make your time.

Best,

[Dean Name]


I wonder if anyone will get that.