Write your own rejection

[andyroberts]

Dear Mr./Mrs./Whocares Delusional Applicant

I want to begin by saying I always love a comedian.  However, in the case of you applying to Highbrow University, I must admit I was taken back with question as to your seriousness or your outright attempt to make this admissions committe collectively wet itself in uncontrollable, elitist laughter.  I'm assuming, at the sake of your dignity, that you were serious.  Silly little person.

It is the policy of Highbrow University that a REJECTED (not denied, in your case) applicant be invited back to apply for admission the following admissions cycle, however I would be remiss if I did not encourage you to save your money and consider pursuing other career interests.  For instance, there is a quickly emerging market for someone of your academic aptitude, as a firing squad practice volunteer.  Seriously, I'm killing myself here and although I shouldn't say "I wish you'd do the same", I will say the world could possibly be a better place without you.  So, in the interest of HU, I will say that you should NOT re-apply, no matter the circumstances.  If you are so eager to be a part of our fine institution, you can just submit next year's application fee to us in check form, made out to "HU endowment fund".  Again, it would be a lot more dignified.

Thanks for the laughs,



Dean....ah hell, why do you need to know my name.

The guy that kicked your tail.

[EEtoJD]

Dear EEtoJD,

@#!* you, we took your admission.

@#!* your mother,
Us

[captnmo]

Dear Capt'n Morgan,

First of all, we just want to say right off the bat that you are INCREDIBLE.  The wry sense of humor and persuasive writing style you have demonstrated in your application are second only to your stellar numbers and breathtaking extracurriculars.  The fact that you have managed to develop such a sparkling personality and stay focused on your studies while putting yourself through school by working 30 hours a week is more than slightly impressive.  And the pictures we found while stalking you on Facebook and Myspace have convinced us that you are also hot as hell. 

All in all, we think you are, if you will pardon the expression, absolutely kickass. 

Unfortunately, we think you are overqualified for our law school.  Only ugly, nerdy people study here.  If we offered you admission, you would come to admitted students weekend and scare them all off.  You are clearly brilliant, hot, and studly...and that combination is admittedly just a little bit too much for us to handle. 

Plus, you shot me down at the bar the other night when I offered to buy you a Coke.  I was the bald guy in the light gray, ill-fitting suit sitting by the Pabst Blue Ribbon tap.  I thought I had a chance, since I counted as you slung down SEVEN Anchor Steams in a row before I approached you, but you are apparently also a tank of a drinker...you were somehow impervious to my stinky old man charm.  You are the perfect woman, and I wish you were coming here so that I could try my "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" bar pick up line again (but, lesson learned, I would wait for the tenth beer this time).  It sucks, but you're just way too good for me...and for the shoddy establishment of a law school I represent. 

Oh, by the way, sorry for that status checker "decision" joke.  We wanted to see how many days we could squish between changing your status and actually sending the letter before you actaully cracked.  In keeping with your level of general awesomeness, you didn't give in.  Perfect female dog.  Enjoy Harvard.

Best,

Dean Fugly D. Umbass, III

[andyroberts]

Dear Capt'n Morgan,

First of all, we just want to say right off the bat that you are INCREDIBLE.  The wry sense of humor and persuasive writing style you have demonstrated in your application are second only to your stellar numbers and breathtaking extracurriculars.  The fact that you have managed to develop such a sparkling personality and stay focused on your studies while putting yourself through school by working 30 hours a week is more than slightly impressive.  And the pictures we found while stalking you on Facebook and Myspace have convinced us that you are also hot as hell. 

All in all, we think you are, if you will pardon the expression, absolutely kickass. 

Unfortunately, we think you are overqualified for our law school.  Only ugly, nerdy people study here.  If we offered you admission, you would come to admitted students weekend and scare them all off.  You are clearly brilliant, hot, and studly...and that combination is admittedly just a little bit too much for us to handle. 

Plus, you shot me down at the bar the other night when I offered to buy you a Coke.  I was the bald guy in the light gray, ill-fitting suit sitting by the Pabst Blue Ribbon tap.  I thought I had a chance, since I counted as you slung down SEVEN Anchor Steams in a row before I approached you, but you are apparently also a tank of a drinker...you were somehow impervious to my stinky old man charm.  You are the perfect woman, and I wish you were coming here so that I could try my "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" bar pick up line again (but, lesson learned, I would wait for the tenth beer this time).  It sucks, but you're just way too good for me...and for the shoddy establishment of a law school I represent. 

Oh, by the way, sorry for that status checker "decision" joke.  We wanted to see how many days we could squish between changing your status and actually sending the letter before you actaully cracked.  In keeping with your level of general awesomeness, you didn't give in.  Perfect female dog.  Enjoy Harvard.

Best,

Dean Fugly D. Umbass, III

F-ing funny

[Denny Crane]

Dear Capt'n Morgan,

First of all, we just want to say right off the bat that you are INCREDIBLE.  The wry sense of humor and persuasive writing style you have demonstrated in your application are second only to your stellar numbers and breathtaking extracurriculars.  The fact that you have managed to develop such a sparkling personality and stay focused on your studies while putting yourself through school by working 30 hours a week is more than slightly impressive.  And the pictures we found while stalking you on Facebook and Myspace have convinced us that you are also hot as hell. 

All in all, we think you are, if you will pardon the expression, absolutely kickass. 

Unfortunately, we think you are overqualified for our law school.  Only ugly, nerdy people study here.  If we offered you admission, you would come to admitted students weekend and scare them all off.  You are clearly brilliant, hot, and studly...and that combination is admittedly just a little bit too much for us to handle. 

Plus, you shot me down at the bar the other night when I offered to buy you a Coke.  I was the bald guy in the light gray, ill-fitting suit sitting by the Pabst Blue Ribbon tap.  I thought I had a chance, since I counted as you slung down SEVEN Anchor Steams in a row before I approached you, but you are apparently also a tank of a drinker...you were somehow impervious to my stinky old man charm.  You are the perfect woman, and I wish you were coming here so that I could try my "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" bar pick up line again (but, lesson learned, I would wait for the tenth beer this time).  It sucks, but you're just way too good for me...and for the shoddy establishment of a law school I represent. 

Oh, by the way, sorry for that status checker "decision" joke.  We wanted to see how many days we could squish between changing your status and actually sending the letter before you actaully cracked.  In keeping with your level of general awesomeness, you didn't give in.  Perfect female dog.  Enjoy Harvard.

Best,

Dean Fugly D. Umbass, III

Well done good sir. 

[eventually]

Dear Mr. Lownumbers

Thanks for applying to the world's kick ass Yale Law school.


Thanks for making our job so much easier. It only took us five seconds to
review your application. Your low LSAT score indicates that you are not
going to succeed in our rigorous program. Good luck with your professional endeavor.
I am sure Thomas Cooly would love to have you. without a doubt, they might hook
you up with some scholarship.

Peace out~

John Hanson
Dean of Admissions

[isittomorrowyet]

Dear [applicant],
On seven prior occasions we have denied your admission in writing. We now deny it for the eighth time. You must be stupid, stupid, stupid.

Sincerely,
Great Benefit Law School

lol! I love that movie!

[Rooster]

"u suck, lol"

[I am Penny Lane]

Dear Sara...

Did you seriously wait until the last day to apply? Seriously? And even if you didn't wait, why do you think a Recording Industry major would be appealing to us anyway? Retake the LSAT and call us next year... or better yeat we'll call you.

Insincerely,
Georgetown PT , Vanderbilt, George Washington PT, Forham PT, US Davis, George Mason PT, UC Hastings, Cardozo, Brooklyn, Temple, Rutgers Camden, Loyola LA,  Rutgers Newark, & St. Johns. (Yes we all got together and none of us want you.)



** Now someone look at my LSN page and PLEASE tell me my chances are better than that ** 

[P.U.S.H]

Dear P.U.S.H.,

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You so funny.

Sincerely,
Dean of Admissions, Where You'll Never Go University