Dear Applicant,Your LOR writers blackballed you. Good luck.Very Truly Yours,Dean
Dear Applicant, The admissions committee was delighted to receive your application. Your academic record is outstanding and your letters of recommendation provided personal insight into your commendable character (although we would have preferred that you also submitted the optional letter of recommendation from a member of the clergy). However, upon initiating our standard wiretap surveillance program, we learned that you are a sinner. How could you rent, not one, but two rated "R" movies in the past six months? The committee was also shocked to learn that you had members of the opposite sex in your living quarters several times. Don't you have any shame? Our school prides itself on its exemplary student body and we could not admit anyone as unholy as you. Due to your lack of morality, we regret to inform you that you have been denied admission to our school. We recommend that you enroll in Pat Robertson's Sinner Reform Bootcamp and apply again when your soul has been redeemed. You may also want to enroll in the remedial classes at the university's undergraduate school to correct your erroneous and heretical beliefs instilled from your previous education. Until then, the committee will hold nightly vigils to pray to the one and only true God that your unholy soul will not burn in hell for the rest of eternity.P.S. We hope that you attain salvation through accepting your savior, George W. Bush.Cheers,Dean AshcroftUltra-religious Indoctrination University School of Law
Feb. 14th, 2006Dear Trevor Jones,As Dean of Admissions, I would like to extend my warmest invitation to Yale University Law School this upcoming fall. As you know, Yale does not generally extend scholarship offers; however, we have reviewed your application and hardship addendum closely, and in light of your unusual (and intriguing!) circumstances, we would be honored to offer you a $90,000 tuition scholarship. We await your reply.Sincerely,Dean of Admissions.Feb. 17th, 2006Dear Max Parker,As Dean of Admissions, I would like to extend my sincerest apologies to you and your family. You may have recieved an earlier admissions letter that was erroneously sent to the wrong address. Rest assured, the acceptance letter did in fact make its way to the correct recipient, who has already informed us of his decision to matriculate.Unfortunately, Yale recieves thousands of qualified applicants each year, and we can only accept a few of them. Please do not feel rejected or unwanted. I'm sure that with your credentials, you were accepted into many other, lesser schools. Again, I apologize for the inconvenience.Sincerely,Dean of AdmissionsP.S.: By the way, you didn't withdraw from your other schools yet, did you? Because that would be bad. Very bad. So long.