Write your own rejection

[mfost]

Dear______

We regret to inform you that the application you spent three weeks preparing was rejected in 0.03 seconds by the Admit2000 computer.

Temporary office assistant,

Sheila

[laurrk]

Dear Wannabe,

After a quick look at your application, we have decided that you are not worthy of admission to our school. We realize that you have better numbers than many individuals who are admitted, and we have no explanation for that. You're just not good enough.

We do appreciate your application fee, however, and we encourage you to apply as a transfer student next year so that we can collect this fee from you again.

Sincerely,

Joe the intern

[dauntless452003]

Dear Mr. xxxxxx,

   After reading you application, a number of the members of the Committee were reduced to giggling so hard, they pissed their pants.  Unfortunately, the $50 application fee you remitted was insufficient to cover the resulting dry cleaning costs.  Please remit an additional $172.86 in order to remedy the situation.  By the way, you must be out of your mind, if you think we would allow you admission to our prestigious institution.

Very Sincerely,

G. Throckmorton Numbnuts, Jr.

[kaz2k]

Dear Mr. J. Christ,

Thank you for your interest in X college of law.  Upon reviewing your application, the committee was especially impressed with your work experience and charitable contributions to your community.  It is not everyday we receive applicants who have cured the sick and have extensive public speaking experience.  Your 4.33 GPA in Carpentry is especially impressive since we were unaware Princeton had such a program.  Additionally, your personal statement was truly inspiring in the literal sense.  Only a few of our previous applicants claimed their father was in fact God.  We were especially impressed by your work experience and letters of recommendation that claimed you had an inherent ability to "save humanity" and "change water into blood".  Also notable is your extra-curricular experience on campus as founder of the Christian Religion club.  However, the admissions committee cannot offer you a seat at this.  As you know, X Law School is derived of the best applicants across the nation.  Unfortunately, your LSAT does not place you in a competitive enough bracket to garner immediate acceptance.  We hope you have successful future as an international humanitarian attorney and will 'forgive us' for making this difficult decision.

Sincerely,

Dean [insert initial] [Middle Name] [difficult last name] [unnecessary suffix]

[kaz2k]

Dear Mr. X,


Thanks for the toilet paper.



Sincerely,

Dean Thor (God of Thunder)

[kaz2k]

Dear Applicant,

Congratulations on your decision to attend [insert tier 2 school here].  Although you never applied to Yale, we would like to place you on our waitlist.  Of course, your rank on the list is undisclosed and the chances of you being accepted off it is also confidential.  Good luck sleeping the next four months.

-Yale

[140am]

will 'forgive us' for making this difficult decision.

Sincerely,

Dean [insert initial] [Middle Name] [difficult last name] [unnecessary suffix]

The last line and the signature were especially nice touches.  Good work!

[ShadowDancer]

Dear Applicant,
   The admissions committee was delighted to receive your application. Your academic record is outstanding and your letters of recommendation provided personal insight into your commendable character  (although we would have preferred that you also submitted the optional letter of recommendation from a member of the clergy).
   However, upon initiating our standard wiretap surveillance program, we learned that you are a sinner. How could you rent, not one, but two rated "R" movies in the past six months? The committee was also shocked to learn that you had members of the opposite sex in your living quarters several times. Don't you have any shame? Our school prides itself on its exemplary student body and we could not admit anyone as unholy as you. Due to your lack of morality, we regret to inform you that you have been denied admission to our school. We recommend that you enroll in Pat Robertson's Sinner Reform Bootcamp and apply again when your soul has been redeemed. You may also want to enroll in the remedial classes at the university's undergraduate school to correct your erroneous and heretical beliefs instilled from your previous education. Until then, the committee will hold nightly vigils to pray to the one and only true God that your unholy soul will not burn in hell for the rest of eternity.

Cheers,
Dean Ashcroft
Ultra-religious Indoctrination University School of Law

[nllsq]

Dear Applicant,

Please, remember that this is a Numbers game. Whoever has told you otherwise has mislead you. 

Sincerely,

Dean

[Ever]

Dear Applicant,

Your LOR writers blackballed you. Good luck.

Very Truly Yours,
Dean