Write your own rejection

[chidochido]

Hello,

Were you trying to be funny? Seriously, come on...We just write you to say thanks for the 70 bucks. We all got chinese for lunch with your check - the won tons were scrumptious.

Cheers,

T. Stock

[redemption]

ps.  we are returning your sase because we were afraid that you had actually licked the stamps.

 

[Happy_Weasel]

An email (in AOL VOICE)

Dear applicant,

              You got REJECTED
                             
                         The dean
Dar applicant,

         I'm sorry your lsat was 2 points too low and your GPA was .05 points too low.

Your LOR was pretty solid, but your PS put us to sleep. Your addendum made you look

like a 8itch. I'm sorry, you are the weakest link. Good-bye.

                                                               

[SkullTatt]

USER--

THE DATABASE HAS REPORTED YOU ARE REJECTED FOR LAW SCHOOL AT BONKERS UNIVERSITY LAW SCHOOL. PLEASE RETAIN THE BELOW TRANSMISSION NUMBER AS YOUR RECEIPT FOR TAX PURPOSES.

DATABASE TEAM

TRANSMISSION 4537388ABTHHR4300302222HTURJE KFSKIWORIE839200393293-A

[Beatnik]

Just to scare us all a bit:


Dear Applicant,

   We were very impressed with your application as a whole.  Your LSAT score and undergraduate GPA were commendable; your personal statement was insightful, displaying exceptional depth and maturity; and your recommenders were convincing in their portrayal of you as a most unusual candidate, in whom the intellectual breadth of Bertrand Russell combines with the humanitarian values of Mother Teresa.

   As is our custom, we have cross-referenced your profiles on LSN and LSD.  Unfortunately, due to your significant and growing habit of contributing useless posts on these sites, we regret that we must deny you admission.  We are certain that we correctly matched you to your online identity, as you are the only one-armed applicant this year who is partnering with Peruvian NGOs to develop the internet market for alpaca wool.

   Enclosed is an list of addiction counseling centers in your area.  Please seek help.

Best,
Dean Smiley

[Mr Shears]

The next day and I'm still laughing about "All your application fee are belong to us".  That was simply brilliant.  Mine would be:

Dear [Applicant]:

     After thoroughly reviewing your application, we have decided that your GPA and LSAT score fall nicely into our range.  We greatly enjoyed your personal statement and eloquent addendum.  Overall, your application was perfect for our school.

     However, after personally doing an extensive background check, I concluded that your mother is, in fact, NOT the girl that I was dumped by in high school and have been trying to reconcile with/stalk for several decades now. 

     Due to this glaring error on your part, you serve no purpose in coming to this institution.  Perhaps your mother broke some other obsessed dean's heart.

Sincerely,

Dean ___________

[john83]

Dear Applicant,

HELL no.


Sincerely,

Dean of Admissions

[Happy_Weasel]

Dear applicant,
 
         Call me again and I will call the police.

                                                                    ,
                                                                    Dean Your Mom Is Hot


Dear applicant,
               
         I see you have had an abortion in your freshman year. DENIED!
           
                                                                            XOXO,
                                                                            Dean Ashcroft

[Mr Shears]

Dear [Applicant]:

     When you were concieved, abortion was legal.  We are still trying to fathom why your mother did not elect to have one.  Instead, she chose to burden the planet with a worthless dullard.  Next time you see her, please ask her why for us.

     Thank you.

Sincerely,

Dean Fattypants

[Happy_Weasel]

Dear applicant,

          Us is to you as  is to 
 
                                                                         
                                                                      Dean Moldybutt