Dear Sir, Madam, or possibly mutant Goat.
We here at [Law School] think you'd have made a great student. If, that is, you had been someone entirely different, and or, possibly not a goat. Toward that end, we have included three pills.
* Pill number one contains a highly concentrated amount of hallucinogen. This pill will allow you to radically alter your personality by giving you visions of your chosen God, and or a giant mutant goat, after which point we will gladly accept you into [Law School].
* Pill number two is identical to pill number one in appearance. It contains a high-effective intelligence inducing hormone. Consuming this pill will also turn you into a viable candidate for admission to [law school].
* Pill number three contains a significant dosage of cyanide, and will lead to nearly immediate death. It is identical in appearance to pills number one and two. If you really want to go to [law school] you will risk getting pill number three.
Thank you,
Dean Crazy-go-nuts.
P.S. - Mutant goats are never welcome at [law school].
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At least it would be amusing... of course, they'd really be sugar pills.