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Author Topic: Is this homophobic???  (Read 2074 times)

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #10 on: July 08, 2004, 11:58:45 AM »
I don't think it's my brother.  But what I don't get is why did I still get an "and guest" 3 months after we broke up.  They had plenty of time to change the invite if they were concerned about propriety or whatever.

Yeah I was kinda feelin the same way.  It just bites.  Lik eI'm sure his single buddes are bringing girl... It's a wedding, no one wants to sit at a table of 7.  But alas, you are right, it's not my wedding.  Maybe he won't get an "and guest" to my wedding, should it ever happen.

Just curious, is it more the bride and her family's decision, or your brother's?
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flecktone

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #11 on: July 08, 2004, 12:04:08 PM »
I think it's very tacky to recind an invitation, and the circumstances sound like BS. Very poor taste. Who are they to determine whether a relataionship is "significant" or not?  How does your brother feel about this behavior?  With that said, I agree that this not a time to make major waves, but perhaps you should express your hurt feelings to your brother, just for your own piece of mind.

daynee

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #12 on: July 08, 2004, 12:13:50 PM »
Have you talked to anyone in your family about this?  To really get down to the essence of the issue?  I definitely smell something fishy about the whole situation.  I also agree that it's in horribly poor taste to pull a take-back on you.  

Personally, I wouldn't go at all.  I fully expect my best friend and his husband to be guests at my wedding. And if he wasn't married, he could bring whoever he damn well wanted.  If my conservative family (or my groom's, for that matter) has a problem with it, they don't have to come.  I don't plan to sacrifice anything just to make someone feel more "comfortable."

But, that's just me.  You need to do what causes the least amount of grief to your brother without you having to sacrifice too much yourself.  

I don't think it's my brother.  But what I don't get is why did I still get an "and guest" 3 months after we broke up.  They had plenty of time to change the invite if they were concerned about propriety or whatever.

Yeah I was kinda feelin the same way.  It just bites.  Lik eI'm sure his single buddes are bringing girl... It's a wedding, no one wants to sit at a table of 7.  But alas, you are right, it's not my wedding.  Maybe he won't get an "and guest" to my wedding, should it ever happen.

Just curious, is it more the bride and her family's decision, or your brother's?
If we do not find anything pleasant, at least we shall find something new.  ~ Voltaire, Candide

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #13 on: July 08, 2004, 12:18:35 PM »
Well I just talked to my bro, 'cause before I had only talked to my sister.  I got a "we probably screwed up by not telling [bride's bro] to bring someone."  I really get from him that he didn't make this decision.  'Casue he asked repeatedly "is this alright."  And I, mister no-balls, am like "yyeah, sure," but now I feel like crap.
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Ladyday

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #14 on: July 08, 2004, 12:19:17 PM »
I don't think it's my brother.  But what I don't get is why did I still get an "and guest" 3 months after we broke up.  They had plenty of time to change the invite if they were concerned about propriety or whatever.

Yeah I was kinda feelin the same way.  It just bites.  Lik eI'm sure his single buddes are bringing girl... It's a wedding, no one wants to sit at a table of 7.  But alas, you are right, it's not my wedding.  Maybe he won't get an "and guest" to my wedding, should it ever happen.

Just curious, is it more the bride and her family's decision, or your brother's?

I would guess that since they didn't want to come out and say, "we don't want you to bring a guy to the wedding!" once this issue popped up with her brother they *thought* they had an easy out. it's obvious this was and always was an issue.
But I woulnd't suggest you not go to your brother's wedding. This is your brother after all, def discuss your hurt feelings with him, but remember, a wedding ultimately is what the bride wants---it's all about the bride, if this is what she wants, then this is what she will get.
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$ones

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #15 on: July 08, 2004, 12:19:33 PM »
I would talk to your brother and see how he feels about it. If he's cool, then I'd bring a date. *&^% man, he's your brother and even though it's his day, he should still stick up for you. I would stand behind my brother no matter what, right or wrong. Let him tell the bride's family that they can't jerk you around and you're bringing who you want. It's his wedding too. I don't know if the customs are radically different down south but I've always brought a date to a wedding -- serious r'ship or not. Rescinding 'and guest' -- never heard of something so classless.

flecktone

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #16 on: July 08, 2004, 12:27:59 PM »
but now I feel like crap.


I really am very sorry.

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #17 on: July 08, 2004, 12:31:09 PM »
Their motives are suspect, but the reasons they give are legit. You really should only bring a 'significant other' to a wedding. The bride's brother is abiding by that unspoken rule. So should you.

True - they've got homophobic issues motivating them. But, in this case i think, motivation is irrelevant. Just as it would be kind of wierd for a man to bring his ex-girlfriend to the wedding, so would it be wierd for you to bring your ex-boyfriend. And even if you and your ex are still good friends, that's traditionally not a good reason to bring him. A heterosexual guy with no 'significant other' would generally be displaying bad form if he brought a 'good buddy' of his to the wedding.

wtf? Does the invitation say "and guest" or does it say "and partner/date/significant other of the opposite sex"? It f-ing says "and guest". if they don't want to take their chances with you bringing your "and guest" then they shouldn't offer it, the should just put "and guest of the opposite sex". or it should specify "may not be an ex-bf/gf".

I'm assuming that because your "and guest" is suddenly being rescinded, that when the wedding invitations went out, the bride's brother was in a serious relationship. So you could bring whomever you wanted to the wedding until the bride's brother had relationship problems?  Since when is it fair that your "and guest" privileges are contingent upon the bride's brother's current relationship follies? If, for purposes of arguement, you and your ex got back together today, would you be reissued your "and guest"?

I understand its your brother's wedding but these idiots are going to be family. It's very considerate of you to be concerned about making her family uncomfortable. But @#!* them. Look at the position they are putting you in. disrespect doesn't even come close to how they're treating u. If i were u, i'd bring the ex, dress in drag, speak with a lisp, hit on the bride's brother, sing showtunes, and speak loudly about the next AIDS project u and all ur fag friends will be attending.
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JiggityJig

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #18 on: July 08, 2004, 12:37:35 PM »
That bites.  I'm glad your brother seems to understand how hurtful it is, and I'd consider just outclassing her family by having a great time at the reception (and looking for the inevitable gay cousin on her side, of course).  Don't let them make you feel like crap.

Quote
and here's a question... do gay people find the F word as offensive as black people find the N word? I realize the N word represents a whole lot more historical subjugation, but I'm wondering if the two elicit the same reaction.

I can only speak for myself, but I find it incredibly offensive when used as a slur, really annoying when used by cool straight people trying to express solidarity, and okay when used in an ironic or reclaim-y way by fellow GLBT people.

flecktone

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #19 on: July 08, 2004, 12:51:15 PM »
If the party line is that they "screwed up by not letting the bride's brother bring someone," wouldn't a better (and certainly more positive and less hurtful) remedy of the situation be to let the brother bring someone afterall???

Did you return the response card yet?  I'd be tempted to say you'll both attend and let them sweat it out.  They deserve to squirm a little.