Law School Discussion

Is this homophobic???

taterstol

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #30 on: July 08, 2004, 03:33:28 PM »
I've never heard the rule about not bringing someone who isn't a significant other. I think that most of the weddings my friends and I have attended have involved us bringing non-significant others as dates. This goes for the gays and straights alike.

If they're also telling other people not to bring dates then it doesn't seem to be blatantly targeting you... I'd still tell your brother you were a little surprised and insulted to hear it though. I mean, you're the brother of the groom. You should be able to bring a chia pet if you want to. It's not like you're the illegitimate 3rd cousin.

I hate the f-word. I don't use it. I don't like it when other people use it (including gays). I don't subscribe to this theory of 'taking back the word' to make it less hurtful. I feel the same way about the n-word. Not my word, but I don't think that black people who throw it around like water are helping anything. Some words have horrible roots in history, and I'm not at all sad to see them fade.

Anyway, go to the wedding, get drunk, flirt with the bride, and then flirt with the bride's brother. Better yet, bang him. That'll learn her.  ;D

lexylit

Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #31 on: July 08, 2004, 06:14:35 PM »
don't bring a date, but do wear only leather   :-*

Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #32 on: July 08, 2004, 06:39:32 PM »
Don't go to the wedding, it's simple.  By inviting you "+ guest" and then rescinding on the invitation, the act is homophobic (for sure) and it says basically this:

I don't care about you and your romantic involvements.

So, why should you care about his? Especially on his wedding day! If there is a time to stand up for yourself and your feelings, this is it!

Just because you're gay and it makes the "bride's family" uncomfortable, it's no excuse for YOUR BROTHER to treat you this way. Come on!

If your brother didn't feel some embarassment in or shame towards you, he wouldn't have allowed it, that's for sure!

You really need to think hard about your brother's feeling towards you AND you should discuss your feeling with him...

Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #33 on: July 08, 2004, 06:46:57 PM »
Being gay doesn't give you a monopoly on demanding sensitivity.

Your brother is getting married, but it's the bride's wedding.  Her family pays and it is their show.

If she is conservative and holding a religious wedding, then it's your turn to be sensitive to her opinions.

Lay low and enjoy the show.

egfmba

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #34 on: July 08, 2004, 07:26:04 PM »
Late to the discussion here, but my question hasn't been asked (and this is long, I know ::)): 

If your 'and guest' was a female, would they still have prohibited you from bringing her?  For example, what if you had decided to bring a close female friend to the wedding?  Would they still tell you no based upon the 'We got carried away with the guest list' excuse or would that guest have been okay (before they publicly committed to this no guests unless they're SO's rule, that is)?

Also, and I could be wrong, but I believe Miss Manners says it's never okay to uninvite someone who has already been invited.  Thus, since you were invited to bring a guest, and since the (forgive my judgment here, but...) gauche invitation only said 'and guest' (etiquette demands you name someone, and if you don't know their name, call and ask), the decision regarding who that guest is lies solely with you.  It is no longer up to the bride or groom to determine who attends; they only need be concerned with whether or not you are bringing someone so they have enough food at the reception.

While I understand this is the bride's day, her responsibility is to review the guest list 8 billion times before sending it to the printer to ensure clarity and accuracy.  It's one thing to inform guests who invite their 18 closest family members to attend your wedding that the invitation was only for Mr. & Mrs. So and So and quite another to uninvite someone you invited if you later feel you mistakenly invited them.  The mistake is yours and you must pay. 

While their cover is good enough to pull an end run around the sexual orientation issue, this woman's family is (again, forgive the judgment) ridiculously uncultured.  It easily appears as though they were trying to play roles in the Gotbucks Family Saga and it backfired.  Good luck to your brother!! ;)

As for how you should handle it:  talk to your brother.  Let him know you are concerned that your invitation (as issued) has effectively been rescinded.  I'd tell him that while you're not trying to cause any extra drama, tones of bigotry exist and you're insulted.  That being said, this is your brother.  Attend his wedding for him.  Who says you have to go to the reception at all?  The vows are all that really matter; the rest is an opportunity to get drunk.  Do that somewhere else, surrounded by friends, where you're guaranteed to have a good time (if the whole thing bothers you to that degree).  If you want to stick it to the bride's family, make 'em pay for your food and quite a bit of booze before you head out!