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Is this homophobic???

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Is this homophobic???
« on: July 08, 2004, 09:29:29 AM »
I thought I'd play off the other thread, but I have a ligit question here.

So my brother is getting married and all last year me bringing a boy was kinda an issue 'cause her family is "very conservative."  Well I get the invite a coupla weeks ago and it says "and guest."  If you didn't already know I have broken up with my boyfriend who attended the Engagement party (our side) and am now single.  We're still really good friends, and I thought a black tie wedding in Manhattan would be fun so I asked him to go with me yesterday.  Come to find out, my "and guest" is being rescinded.  The reason given is that the bride's brother is not in a serious relationship, and he's not bringing anyone, and since I'm not in one anymore I shouldn't bring someone.  I know that that may be true, but I can't help but hear the sigh of relief that there won't be some faggots at the wedding.

Am I over analyzing?

Ginatio

Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2004, 09:35:19 AM »
but you're still going, aren't you? and here's a question... do gay people find the F word as offensive as black people find the N word? I realize the N word represents a whole lot more historical subjugation, but I'm wondering if the two elicit the same reaction.

I can't help but hear the sigh of relief that there won't be some faggots at the wedding.

Am I over analyzing?

and, no... you're not overanalyzing. they're obviously homophobic and would like to keep you in the closet, so to speak. I'd go along with it, though. Your brother's wedding is no place to make a point by bringing someone...

dta

Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2004, 09:36:00 AM »
I thought I'd play off the other thread, but I have a ligit question here.

So my brother is getting married and all last year me bringing a boy was kinda an issue 'cause her family is "very conservative."  Well I get the invite a coupla weeks ago and it says "and guest."  If you didn't already know I have broken up with my boyfriend who attended the Engagement party (our side) and am now single.  We're still really good friends, and I thought a black tie wedding in Manhattan would be fun so I asked him to go with me yesterday.  Come to find out, my "and guest" is being rescinded.  The reason given is that the bride's brother is not in a serious relationship, and he's not bringing anyone, and since I'm not in one anymore I shouldn't bring someone.  I know that that may be true, but I can't help but hear the sigh of relief that there won't be some faggots at the wedding.

Am I over analyzing?

Their motives are suspect, but the reasons they give are legit. You really should only bring a 'significant other' to a wedding. The bride's brother is abiding by that unspoken rule. So should you.

True - they've got homophobic issues motivating them. But, in this case i think, motivation is irrelevant. Just as it would be kind of wierd for a man to bring his ex-girlfriend to the wedding, so would it be wierd for you to bring your ex-boyfriend. And even if you and your ex are still good friends, that's traditionally not a good reason to bring him. A heterosexual guy with no 'significant other' would generally be displaying bad form if he brought a 'good buddy' of his to the wedding.

daynee

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2004, 09:37:30 AM »
I thought I'd play off the other thread, but I have a ligit question here.

So my brother is getting married and all last year me bringing a boy was kinda an issue 'cause her family is "very conservative."  Well I get the invite a coupla weeks ago and it says "and guest."  If you didn't already know I have broken up with my boyfriend who attended the Engagement party (our side) and am now single.  We're still really good friends, and I thought a black tie wedding in Manhattan would be fun so I asked him to go with me yesterday.  Come to find out, my "and guest" is being rescinded.  The reason given is that the bride's brother is not in a serious relationship, and he's not bringing anyone, and since I'm not in one anymore I shouldn't bring someone.  I know that that may be true, but I can't help but hear the sigh of relief that there won't be some faggots at the wedding.

Am I over analyzing?

No way, you are not over analyzing! That would totally piss me off, I'm offended on your behalf.  Who rescinded, your brother or the bride?  My gut instinct says to bring your date anyway, or just not show up all together. But I wouldn't really do that, as it could cause unwanted drama.  It still sucks big time, though, and I'm sorry!


Quote
True - they've got homophobic issues motivating them. But, in this case i think, motivation is irrelevant. Just as it would be kind of wierd for a man to bring his ex-girlfriend to the wedding, so would it be wierd for you to bring your ex-boyfriend. And even if you and your ex are still good friends, that's traditionally not a good reason to bring him. A heterosexual guy with no 'significant other' would generally be displaying bad form if he brought a 'good buddy' of his to the wedding.

But the invite said "and guest," not "and significant other," right?  Semantics, maybe, but still.

wstaffor

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2004, 09:39:51 AM »
I agree with Ginatio. What they're doing is definitely homophobic and stupid. However, your brother's wedding should be about him, and if you went ahead and brought a guy anyway it would just add more drama and take away from the point of the day. Sorry it played out like this, but I think that's the way to go out of respect for your brother.

superiorlobe

Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #5 on: July 08, 2004, 09:50:18 AM »
I agree that if you are not dating anyone then you shouldn't go with someone.  Also, I don't think homophobic is the correct word to describe these people.  phobia means fear and I don't detect fear -- just distaste.  Also, if they have values that do not include embracing gay people, then it would be gauche to attend the wedding with a boyfriend, whether an ex or not.  People with different values than your own should be tolerated and respected for their differences.

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #6 on: July 08, 2004, 09:51:50 AM »
Yeah I was kinda feelin the same way.  It just bites.  Lik eI'm sure his single buddes are bringing girl... It's a wedding, no one wants to sit at a table of 7.  But alas, you are right, it's not my wedding.  Maybe he won't get an "and guest" to my wedding, should it ever happen.

I agree with Ginatio. What they're doing is definitely homophobic and stupid. However, your brother's wedding should be about him, and if you went ahead and brought a guy anyway it would just add more drama and take away from the point of the day. Sorry it played out like this, but I think that's the way to go out of respect for your brother.

Ladyday

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #7 on: July 08, 2004, 09:53:39 AM »
hard one, actually, I've never heard of not bringing a date to wedding b/c their not a significant other. that's absurd. doesn't the invitation normally say "and date"? I could be wrong though. either way, I think that you are not overanalyzing and they are def using this as an excuse for you not to bring a date (b/c what if it were a female you were going to bring, would it be ok then?) but they are also trying to be polite as well. and what it ultimately boils down to is that it's their wedding. and if it would make things uncomfortable then c'est la vie. I feel you though, I had a bf who was all concerned and torn b/c his family tends to think on the lines of--all black people should go back to Africa. so he participated in the wedding, but didn't stay for the reception. and ultimately the relationship could not last b/c I refused to be in a relationship where I would have to  "stay at home" b/c of his family. sucks though, he was a great guy.

daynee

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Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #8 on: July 08, 2004, 09:56:03 AM »
Yeah I was kinda feelin the same way.  It just bites.  Lik eI'm sure his single buddes are bringing girl... It's a wedding, no one wants to sit at a table of 7.  But alas, you are right, it's not my wedding.  Maybe he won't get an "and guest" to my wedding, should it ever happen.

Just curious, is it more the bride and her family's decision, or your brother's?

superiorlobe

Re: Is this homophobic???
« Reply #9 on: July 08, 2004, 09:57:15 AM »
Upon more reflection I agree that there is no rule that says you can only bring a date to a wedding if you are actually dating that person seriously.  So that is just an excuse for "homodistaste".  (Still don't like "homophobia").