next up: best date and worse date...

[headmachine]

u guys should just post funny stories...ill add a couple after i sober up at werk in a few hours. 

[guyutegirl (Jew-Lo)]

best date: march 14. i dunno why

worst date: June 26. i hate birthdays

[nathanielmark]

how is this one.  i am at a girls house whos dad hates me (she was only 18 at the time).  we are up to the business in her room.  dad comes home, i freak out, hide in her closet.

she tries to act cool, wraps a towel around herself and says she is taking a shower.  he knows something is up.  he comes into her room and opens the closet with a bat in hand.  sees me, i jump out nude, he jumps back.  he starts yelling at me to get the hell out, etc.  i tell him to calm down, that i need to put my clothes on.  i dress, keep calmly telling him to relax then run out the door.  was a few years ago.

[nathanielmark]

heres another good one.  girl i had been speaking to for some time.  we finally get to go out.  have a good night out in NYC.  go back to her place.  ready to get down to business. she even puts her nighties on.  sitting on my lap.  im ready to go for it, but just want a few last puffs....  (we were both pretty wasted). 

next thing i know she is yelling at me, its morning. i had passed out, and was so gone i peeed all over her couch, lol...  that one never quite worked out the way i planned it....

[dsong02]

this was my friend's story back in college...

he and this girl went out on a date and came back to his room in his frat house.  they were both wasted, but coherent enough to get it on.  he started going down on her and proceeded to puke in her crotch.  then he passed out.  the next morning, he woke up and found a pile of *&^% on his chest.  apparently, she got so pissed off that she took a dump on him before leaving. 

true story.  it was in the daily pennsylvanian...i think in 94 or 95...

[dsong02]

my best date:  with this freaky korean chick i met through a friend.  she looked like your average korean chick...church going, smart, long hair.  then we had dinner and i invited her to my place.  she didnt accept the first time, but then told me okay.  best decision in my life...this nice church girl had piercings and tattoos on parts i never even knew you could get pierced or tattooed.  she had a flat chest, but a bronco ride is better when the girl is skinny, light, and flexible.  enuff said.  she left, never called, no ties.  god, i miss being single.

worst date:  first date with my wife...i went to the bathroom, then washed my hands.  as i was leaning on the sink, i realized the entire sink was covered in water.  i had light khakis on and when i backed up, my entire crotch area was soaked in water.  i seriously looked like i pissed on my pants.  i ended up walking out behind this guy who told me to walk out behind him so no one could notice...and then the a-hole moved as soon as i got to the large dining room.  yes, everyone saw and i heard chuckles everywhere...but i guess it wasnt too bad since i ended up marrying her.

[thechoson]

my best date:  with this freaky korean chick i met through a friend.  she looked like your average korean chick...church going, smart, long hair.  then we had dinner and i invited her to my place.  she didnt accept the first time, but then told me okay.  best decision in my life...this nice church girl had piercings and tattoos on parts i never even knew you could get pierced or tattooed.  she had a flat chest, but a bronco ride is better when the girl is skinny, light, and flexible.  enuff said.  she left, never called, no ties.  god, i miss being single.

worst date:  first date with my wife...i went to the bathroom, then washed my hands.  as i was leaning on the sink, i realized the entire sink was covered in water.  i had light khakis on and when i backed up, my entire crotch area was soaked in water.  i seriously looked like i pissed on my pants.  i ended up walking out behind this guy who told me to walk out behind him so no one could notice...and then the a-hole moved as soon as i got to the large dining room.  yes, everyone saw and i heard chuckles everywhere...but i guess it wasnt too bad since i ended up marrying her.

You stupid son of a female dog, I am at work and you made me laugh out loud like a nutbar

[headmachine]

best date: march 14. i dunno why

worst date: June 26. i hate birthdays

cmon now get with the program jewie 

[headmachine]

my best date:  with this freaky korean chick i met through a friend.  she looked like your average korean chick...church going, smart, long hair.  then we had dinner and i invited her to my place.  she didnt accept the first time, but then told me okay.  best decision in my life...this nice church girl had piercings and tattoos on parts i never even knew you could get pierced or tattooed.  she had a flat chest, but a bronco ride is better when the girl is skinny, light, and flexible.  enuff said.  she left, never called, no ties.  god, i miss being single.

worst date:  first date with my wife...i went to the bathroom, then washed my hands.  as i was leaning on the sink, i realized the entire sink was covered in water.  i had light khakis on and when i backed up, my entire crotch area was soaked in water.  i seriously looked like i pissed on my pants.  i ended up walking out behind this guy who told me to walk out behind him so no one could notice...and then the a-hole moved as soon as i got to the large dining room.  yes, everyone saw and i heard chuckles everywhere...but i guess it wasnt too bad since i ended up marrying her.

that last story is a tearjerker...theres nice to know theres people out there that are still attracted to incontinence...  not that its a big deal if u r

[nathanielmark]

yeah, how bout it jew-lo, we know you got plenty of ass-loving stories to tell. bring em' on.

best date: march 14. i dunno why

worst date: June 26. i hate birthdays

cmon now get with the program jewie