Law School Discussion

Please critique my ps

Please critique my ps
« on: February 10, 2015, 08:30:52 AM »
            I remember when I was five, and I witnessed my four year old nephew be hit and killed by a speeding car that jumped the curb. He died on the day of his pre-school graduation. The man who was driving the car walked away from the crime after only serving six months in prison. My life was forever changed, witnessing such a horrible act at five years old. Not being able to do something then, makes it more important that I help be apart of the  change that I want to see now.
Becoming a lawyer will allow me the chance to become a staple in history. I can take my tragic  experience and turn it into inspiration. Changing laws, creating new ones, speaking for people who seldom have a voice, and being able to inspire someone to do better, those are all achievements that I want to make as a lawyer. As I became older, I wondered how a child's life could be disregarded at such a tender age. My family has to live with a lifetime of pain, while this man walks the streets with a second chance as if justice had been served.  I did not know then that my experience would follow me throughout my journey in life, and help me make decisions. When my nephew died the car literally stopped 2 feet in front of me. I have always thought of him as my guardian angel because, I felt he had saved my life.  Seeing my nephew's life cut short inspired me to make the most of my own.i want to seize every opportunity to be a better me. Going to law school has been a dream of mine since  I was a kid, it's very important to me that I try and make this dream a reality. As I got older everything I do I dedicate to him. I feel like I am not only living for me, but for him as well. One thing I always promised myself is that I would always follow my dreams, because he did not have a chance to follow his.
              During my undergraduate years, I was required to take a business law course that I thought would be the death of me. Surprisingly, it was the best class that I had ever taken throughout my entire time at Howard University. It was hard, and complicated, but it evoked thought that went beyond just memorizing some things out of a textbook. I learned to be diligent, tenacious, as well as to tap in to my intellectual curiosity.  I  loved every minute of it. This one class helped me to magnify the skills needed to be an exceptional law student. In the class I learned to explore my intellectual abilities, and become more confident in myself as a student. The class taught me that knowledge is a process, and as long as you are willing to learn there is no glass ceiling. I was eager to expand my knowledge, and overcome obstacles. I refused to give into defeat on hard cases, and determined to understand every aspect of what we learned.  Being able to understand the law, and apply it to everyday life is amazing. More importantly, knowing and understanding my rights,  helping others do the same speaks volumes to my soul. When taking the business law class I often thought about my nephew. Although we didn't cover criminal law in the class, it still made me feel a connection to him and what happened. I want to go to law school because it will bring out the best qualities in me. It will allow me to leave a very impactful legacy in helping to change the lives of others.  It's one of those things that just brings passion to my life, by the mere thought of all the possibilities that can come from me taking this journey.
              Someone once told me to find something you enjoy in life, then find a way to turn that into a career. Over the past few years, one thing I have found that I am absolutely passionate about is helping people. Another thing that has never left my mind is getting a law degree. What better way to enjoy life, than by helping people with something that they will need in their everyday life.  Whether my career choice be following in the foot steps of lawyers who became professors, or helping the public by going into the non profit sector, or being a prosecutor to make sure justice is served, I know that getting my law degree is a missing piece to my puzzle. I want to take an opportunity to be a part of helping to shape the lives of others in a way that can be solidified in history.

Re: Please critique my ps
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2015, 08:48:09 AM »
I think you have a very compelling story, but it could be tightened up a little more. You have quite a few extra words that take away from the story.

One example is

Your words
I did not know then that my experience would follow me throughout my journey in life, and help me make decisions.

Less words to say the same thing
I did not realize my experience would influence my life journey and impact my decisions.

A skill you learn in law school is using less words and I think if you try to tighten your statement up it will improve drastically although it is quite good now.

With that said it is important to realize 95% of law school admission decisions are based on LSAT/GPA. Your personal statement is really more of a tie breaker than anything else. It is worth spending time on, but if you have a 135 LSAT and 2.1 GPA you could write a personal statement that is published in books about writing personal statements you are still unlikely to be admitted to any law school.

I think your story is very interesting and wish you the best in your pursuit of a legal education. When it comes to choosing a law school this is an excellent article to read to help you select one.

This board also has a lot of very helpful posters and I encourage you to continue using it during the law school process. Again, good luck on your pursuit of a J.D. and I really do think you have a good personal statement, but it could be great with some tightening up.